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I retire to St。 CloudCommunications from M。 de MenevalA week's
conflict between friendship and prideMy formal dismissalPetty
revengeMy request to visit EnglandMonosyllabic answerWrong
suspicionBurial of my papersCommunication from DurocMy letter
to the First ConsulThe truth acknowledged。
I shall now return to the circumstances which followed my first disgrace；
of which I have already spoken。 The day after that on which I had
resumed my functions I went as usual to awaken the First Consul at seven
in the morning。 He treated me just the same as if nothing had happened
between us； and on my part I behaved to him just as usual； though I
really regretted being obliged to resume labours which I found too
oppressive for me。 When Bonaparte came down into his cabinet he spoke to
me of his plans with his usual confidence； and I saw； from the number of
letters lying in the basket； that during the few days my functions had
been suspended Bonaparte had not overcome his disinclination to peruse
this kind of correspondence。 At the period of this first rupture and
reconciliation the question of the Consulate for life was yet unsettled。
It was not decided until the 2d of August； and the circumstances to which
I am about to refer happened at the end of February。
I was now restored to my former footing of intimacy with the First
Consul； at least for a time； but I soon perceived that； after the scene
which M。 de Talleyrand had witnessed； my duties in the Tuileries were
merely provisional； and might be shortened or prolonged according to
circumstances。 I saw at the very first moment that Bonaparte had
sacrificed his wounded pride to the necessity （for such I may； without
any vanity； call it） of employing my services。 The forced preference he
granted to me arose from the fact of his being unable to find any one
able to supply my place； for Duroc； as I have already said； showed a
disinclination to the business。 I did not remain long in the dark
respecting the new situation in which I stood。 I was evidently still
under quarantine； but the period of my quitting the port was
undetermined。
A short time after our reconciliation the First Consul said to me； in a
cajoling tone of which I was not the dupe； 〃My dear Bourrienne； you
cannot do everything。 Business increases； and will continue to increase。
You know what Corvisart says。 You have a family； therefore it is right
you should take care of your health。 You must not kill yourself with
work； therefore some one must be got to assist you。 Joseph tells me that
he can recommend a secretary； one of whom he speaks very highly。 He
shall be under your direction； he can make out your copies； and do all
that can consistently be required of him。 This； I think； will be a great
relief to you。〃〃I ask for nothing better；〃 replied I； 〃than to have the
assistance of some one who； after becoming acquainted with the business；
may； some time or other； succeed me。〃 Joseph sent M。 de Meneval； a young
man who； to a good education； added the recommendations of industry and
prudence。 I had every reason to be satisfied with him。
It was now that Napoleon employed all those devices and caresses which
always succeeded so well with him； and which yet again gained the day； to
put an end to the inconvenience caused to him by my retirement； and to
retain me。 Here I call every one who knew me as witnesses that nothing
could equal my grief and despair to find myself obliged to again begin my
troublesome work。 My health had suffered much from it。 Corvisart was a
clever counsellor； but it was only during the night that I could carry
out his advice。 To resume my duties was to renounce all hope of rest；
and even of health。
＇There is considerable truth in this statement about the effect on
his health。 His successor； Meneval； without the same amount of
work； broke down and had to receive assistance （Meneval； tome i。 p。
149）。＇
I soon perceived the First Consul's anxiety to make M。 de Meneval
acquainted with the routine of business； and accustomed to his manner。
Bonaparte had never pardoned me for having presumed to quit him after he
had attained so high a degree of power； he was only waiting for an
opportunity to punish me； and he seized upon an unfortunate circumstance
as an excuse for that separation which I had previously wished to bring
about。
I will explain this circumstance； which ought to have obtained for me the
consolation and assistance of the First Consul rather than the forfeiture
of his favour。 My rupture with him has been the subject of various
misstatements； all of which I shall not take the trouble to correct；
I will merely notice what I have read in the Memoirs of the Duc de
Rovigo； in which it is stated that I was accused of peculation。 M。 de
Rovigo thus expresses himself：
Ever since the First Consul was invested with the supreme power his
life had been a continued scene of personal exertion。 He had for
his private secretary M。 de Bourrienne； a friend and companion of
his youth； whom he now made the sharer of all his labours。 He
frequently sent for him in the dead of the night； and particularly
insisted upon his attending him every morning at seven。 Bourrienne
was punctual in his attendance with the public papers； which he had
previously glanced over。 The First Consul almost invariably read
their contents himself； he then despatched some business； and sat
down to table just as the clock struck nine。 His breakfast； which
lasted six minutes； was no sooner over than he returned to his
cabinet； only left it for dinner； and resumed his close occupation
immediately after； until ten at night； which was his usual hour for
retiring to rest。
Bourrienne was gifted with a most wonderful memory； he could speak
and write many languages； and would make his pen follow as fast as
words were uttered。 He possessed many other advantages； he was well
acquainted with the administrative departments； was versed in the
law of nations； and possessed a zeal and activity which rendered his
services quite indispensable to the First Consul。 I have known the
several grounds upon which the unlimited confidence placed in him by
his chief rested； but am unable to speak with equal assurance of the
errors which occasioned his losing that confidence。
Bourrienne had many enemies； some were owing to his personal
character； a greater number to the situation which he held。
Others were jealous of the credit he enjoyed with the Head of the
Government； others； again； discontented at his not making that
credit subservient to their personal advantage。 Some even imputed
to him the want of success that had attended their claims。 It was
impossible to bring any charge against him on the score of
deficiency of talent or of indiscreet conduct； his personal habits
were watchedit was ascertained that he engaged in financial
speculations。 An imputation could easily be founded on this
circumstance。 Peculation was accordingly laid to his charge。
This was touching the most tender ground； for the First Consul held
nothing in greater abhorrence than unlawful gains。 A solitary
voice； however； would have failed in an attempt to defame the
character of a man for whom he had so long felt esteem and
affection； other voices； therefore； were brought to bear against
him。 Whether the accusations were well founded or otherwise； it is
beyond a doubt that all means were resorted to for bringing them to
the knowledge of the First Consul。
The most effectual course that suggested itself was the opening a
correspondence either with the accused party direct； or with those
with whom it was felt indispensable to bring him into contact； this
correspondence was carried on in a mysterious manner； and related to
the financial operations that had formed the grounds of a charge
against him。 Thus it is that； on more than one occasion； the very
channels inte