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report that the King； educated； cultivated and refined Christian
gentleman as he undoubtedly is； still turns to the idols of his fathers
for help when disaster threatens。 A planter caught a shark； and one of
his christianized natives testified his emancipation from the thrall of
ancient superstition by assisting to dissect the shark after a fashion
forbidden by his abandoned creed。 But remorse shortly began to torture
him。 He grew moody and sought solitude； brooded over his sin； refused
food； and finally said he must die and ought to die； for he had sinned
against the Great Shark God and could never know peace any more。 He was
proof against persuasion and ridicule； and in the course of a day or two
took to his bed and died； although he showed no symptom of disease。
His young daughter followed his lead and suffered a like fate within the
week。 Superstition is ingrained in the native blood and bone and it is
only natural that it should crop out in time of distress。 Wherever one
goes in the Islands； he will find small piles of stones by the wayside；
covered with leafy offerings； placed there by the natives to appease evil
spirits or honor local deities belonging to the mythology of former days。
In the rural districts of any of the Islands； the traveler hourly comes
upon parties of dusky maidens bathing in the streams or in the sea
without any clothing on and exhibiting no very intemperate zeal in the
matter of hiding their nakedness。 When the missionaries first took up
their residence in Honolulu； the native women would pay their families
frequent friendly visits； day by day； not even clothed with a blush。
It was found a hard matter to convince them that this was rather
indelicate。 Finally the missionaries provided them with long； loose
calico robes； and that ended the difficultyfor the women would troop
through the town； stark naked； with their robes folded under their arms；
march to the missionary houses and then proceed to dress！The natives
soon manifested a strong proclivity for clothing； but it was shortly
apparent that they only wanted it for grandeur。 The missionaries
imported a quantity of hats； bonnets； and other male and female wearing
apparel； instituted a general distribution； and begged the people not to
come to church naked； next Sunday； as usual。 And they did not； but the
national spirit of unselfishness led them to divide up with neighbors who
were not at the distribution； and next Sabbath the poor preachers could
hardly keep countenance before their vast congregations。 In the midst of
the reading of a hymn a brown； stately dame would sweep up the aisle with
a world of airs； with nothing in the world on but a 〃stovepipe〃 hat and a
pair of cheap gloves； another dame would follow； tricked out in a man's
shirt； and nothing else； another one would enter with a flourish； with
simply the sleeves of a bright calico dress tied around her waist and the
rest of the garment dragging behind like a peacock's tail off duty； a
stately 〃buck〃 Kanaka would stalk in with a woman's bonnet on； wrong side
beforeonly this； and nothing more； after him would stride his fellow；
with the legs of a pair of pantaloons tied around his neck； the rest of
his person untrammeled； in his rear would come another gentleman simply
gotten up in a fiery neck…tie and a striped vest。
The poor creatures were beaming with complacency and wholly unconscious
of any absurdity in their appearance。 They gazed at each other with
happy admiration； and it was plain to see that the young girls were
taking note of what each other had on； as naturally as if they had always
lived in a land of Bibles and knew what churches were made for； here was
the evidence of a dawning civilization。 The spectacle which the
congregation presented was so extraordinary and withal so moving； that
the missionaries found it difficult to keep to the text and go on with
the services； and by and by when the simple children of the sun began a
general swapping of garments in open meeting and produced some
irresistibly grotesque effects in the course of re…dressing； there was
nothing for it but to cut the thing short with the benediction and
dismiss the fantastic assemblage。
In our country； children play 〃keep house；〃 and in the same high…sounding
but miniature way the grown folk here； with the poor little material of
slender territory and meagre population； play 〃empire。〃 There is his
royal Majesty the King； with a New York detective's income of thirty or
thirty…five thousand dollars a year from the 〃royal civil list〃 and the
〃royal domain。〃 He lives in a two…story frame 〃palace。〃
And there is the 〃royal family〃the customary hive of royal brothers；
sisters； cousins and other noble drones and vagrants usual to monarchy；
all with a spoon in the national pap…dish； and all bearing such titles as
his or her Royal Highness the Prince or Princess So…and…so。 Few of them
can carry their royal splendors far enough to ride in carriages； however；
they sport the economical Kanaka horse or 〃hoof it〃 with the plebeians。
Then there is his Excellency the 〃royal Chamberlain〃a sinecure； for his
majesty dresses himself with his own hands； except when he is ruralizing
at Waikiki and then he requires no dressing。
Next we have his Excellency the Commander…in…chief of the Household
Troops； whose forces consist of about the number of soldiers usually
placed under a corporal in other lands。
Next comes the royal Steward and the Grand Equerry in Waitinghigh
dignitaries with modest salaries and little to do。
Then we have his Excellency the First Gentleman of the Bed…chamberan
office as easy as it is magnificent。
Next we come to his Excellency the Prime Minister； a renegade American
from New Hampshire； all jaw； vanity； bombast and ignorance； a lawyer of
〃shyster〃 calibre； a fraud by nature； a humble worshiper of the sceptre
above him； a reptile never tired of sneering at the land of his birth or
glorifying the ten…acre kingdom that has adopted himsalary； 4；000 a
year； vast consequence； and no perquisites。
Then we have his Excellency the Imperial Minister of Finance； who handles
a million dollars of public money a year； sends in his annual 〃budget〃
with great ceremony； talks prodigiously of 〃finance；〃 suggests imposing
schemes for paying off the 〃national debt〃 （of 150；000；） and does it all
for 4；000 a year and unimaginable glory。
Next we have his Excellency the Minister of War； who holds sway over the
royal armiesthey consist of two hundred and thirty uniformed Kanakas；
mostly Brigadier Generals； and if the country ever gets into trouble with
a foreign power we shall probably hear from them。 I knew an American
whose copper…plate visiting card bore this impressive legend：
〃Lieutenant…Colonel in the Royal Infantry。 To say that he was proud of
this distinction is stating it but tamely。 The Minister of War has also
in his charge some venerable swivels on Punch…Bowl Hill wherewith royal
salutes are fired when foreign vessels of war enter the port。
Next comes his Excellency the Minister of the Navya nabob who rules the
〃royal fleet；〃 （a steam…tug and a sixty…ton schooner。）
And next comes his Grace the Lord Bishop of Honolulu； the chief dignitary
of the 〃Established Church〃for when the American Presbyterian
missionaries had completed the reduction of the nation to a compact
condition of Christianity； native royalty stepped in and erected the
grand dignity of an 〃Established （Episcopal） Church〃 over it； and
imported a cheap ready…made Bishop from England to take charge。 The
chagrin of the missionaries has never been comprehensively expressed； to
this day； profanity not being admissible。
Next comes his Excellency the Minister of Public Instruction。
Next； their Excellencies the Governors of Oahu； Hawaii； etc。； and after
them a string of High Sheriffs and other small fry too numerous for
computation。
Then there are their Excellencies the Envoy Extraordinary and Minister
Plenipotentiary of his Imperial Majesty the Emperor of the French； her
British Majesty's Minister； the Minister Resident； of the United States；
and some six or eight representatives of other foreign nati