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out boldly and address him as 〃Captain。〃 Watch him narrowly； and if you
see by his countenance that you are on the wrong tack； ask him where he
preaches。 It is a safe bet that he is either a missionary or captain of
a whaler。 I am now personally acquainted with seventy…two captains and
ninety…six missionaries。 The captains and ministers form one…half of the
population； the third fourth is composed of common Kanakas and mercantile
foreigners and their families； and the final fourth is made up of high
officers of the Hawaiian Government。 And there are just about cats
enough for three apiece all around。
A solemn stranger met me in the suburbs the other day； and said：
〃Good morning； your reverence。 Preach in the stone church yonder； no
doubt？〃
〃No； I don't。 I'm not a preacher。〃
〃Really； I beg your pardon； Captain。 I trust you had a good season。 How
much oil〃
〃Oil？ What do you take me for？ I'm not a whaler。〃
〃Oh； I beg a thousand pardons； your Excellency。
Major General in the household troops； no doubt？ Minister of the
Interior； likely？ Secretary of war？ First Gentleman of the Bed…chamber？
Commissioner of the Royal〃
〃Stuff！ I'm no official。 I'm not connected in any way with the
Government。〃
〃Bless my life！ Then； who the mischief are you？ what the mischief are
you？ and how the mischief did you get here； and where in thunder did you
come from？〃
〃I'm only a private personagean unassuming strangerlately arrived
from America。〃
〃No？ Not a missionary！ Not a whaler！ not a member of his Majesty's
Government！ not even Secretary of the Navy！ Ah； Heaven！ it is too
blissful to be true； alas； I do but dream。 And yet that noble； honest
countenancethose oblique； ingenuous eyesthat massive head； incapable
ofofanything； your hand； give me your hand； bright waif。 Excuse
these tears。 For sixteen weary years I have yearned for a moment like
this； and〃
Here his feelings were too much for him； and he swooned away。 I pitied
this poor creature from the bottom of my heart。 I was deeply moved。 I
shed a few tears on him and kissed him for his mother。 I then took what
small change he had and 〃shoved〃。
CHAPTER LXVII。
I still quote from my journal：
I found the national Legislature to consist of half a dozen white men and
some thirty or forty natives。 It was a dark assemblage。 The nobles and
Ministers （about a dozen of them altogether） occupied the extreme left of
the hall； with David Kalakaua （the King's Chamberlain） and Prince William
at the head。 The President of the Assembly； His Royal Highness M。
Kekuanaoa； ＇Kekuanaoa is not of the blood royal。 He derives his princely
rank from his wife； who was a daughter of Kamehameha the Great。 Under
other monarchies the male line takes precedence of the female in tracing
genealogies； but here the opposite is the casethe female line takes
precedence。 Their reason for this is exceedingly sensible； and I
recommend it to the aristocracy of Europe： They say it is easy to know
who a man's mother was； but； etc。； etc。＇ and the Vice President （the
latter a white man；） sat in the pulpit； if I may so term it。
The President is the King's father。 He is an erect； strongly built；
massive featured； white…haired； tawny old gentleman of eighty years of
age or thereabouts。 He was simply but well dressed； in a blue cloth coat
and white vest； and white pantaloons； without spot； dust or blemish upon
them。 He bears himself with a calm； stately dignity； and is a man of
noble presence。 He was a young man and a distinguished warrior under
that terrific fighter； Kamehameha I。； more than half a century ago。 A
knowledge of his career suggested some such thought as this： 〃This man；
naked as the day he was born； and war…club and spear in hand； has charged
at the head of a horde of savages against other hordes of savages more
than a generation and a half ago； and reveled in slaughter and carnage；
has worshipped wooden images on his devout knees； has seen hundreds of
his race offered up in heathen temples as sacrifices to wooden idols； at
a time when no missionary's foot had ever pressed this soil； and he had
never heard of the white man's God； has believed his enemy could secretly
pray him to death； has seen the day； in his childhood； when it was a
crime punishable by death for a man to eat with his wife； or for a
plebeian to let his shadow fall upon the Kingand now look at him； an
educated Christian； neatly and handsomely dressed； a high…minded； elegant
gentleman； a traveler； in some degree； and one who has been the honored
guest of royalty in Europe； a man practiced in holding the reins of an
enlightened government； and well versed in the politics of his country
and in general； practical information。 Look at him； sitting there
presiding over the deliberations of a legislative body； among whom are
white mena grave； dignified； statesmanlike personage； and as seemingly
natural and fitted to the place as if he had been born in it and had
never been out of it in his life time。 How the experiences of this old
man's eventful life shame the cheap inventions of romance！〃
The christianizing of the natives has hardly even weakened some of their
barbarian superstitions； much less destroyed them。 I have just referred
to one of these。 It is still a popular belief that if your enemy can get
hold of any article belonging to you he can get down on his knees over it
and pray you to death。 Therefore many a native gives up and dies merely
because he imagines that some enemy is putting him through a course of
damaging prayer。 This praying an individual to death seems absurb enough
at a first glance； but then when we call to mind some of the pulpit
efforts of certain of our own ministers the thing looks plausible。
In former times； among the Islanders； not only a plurality of wives was
customary； but a plurality of husbands likewise。 Some native women of
noble rank had as many as six husbands。 A woman thus supplied did not
reside with all her husbands at once； but lived several months with each
in turn。 An understood sign hung at her door during these months。 When
the sign was taken down； it meant 〃NEXT。〃
In those days woman was rigidly taught to 〃know her place。〃 Her place
was to do all the work； take all the cuffs； provide all the food； and
content herself with what was left after her lord had finished his
dinner。 She was not only forbidden； by ancient law； and under penalty of
death； to eat with her husband or enter a canoe； but was debarred； under
the same penalty； from eating bananas； pine…apples； oranges and other
choice fruits at any time or in any place。 She had to confine herself
pretty strictly to 〃poi〃 and hard work。 These poor ignorant heathen seem
to have had a sort of groping idea of what came of woman eating fruit in
the garden of Eden； and they did not choose to take any more chances。
But the missionaries broke up this satisfactory arrangement of things。
They liberated woman and made her the equal of man。
The natives had a romantic fashion of burying some of their children
alive when the family became larger than necessary。 The missionaries
interfered in this matter too； and stopped it。
To this day the natives are able to lie down and die whenever they want
to； whether there is anything the matter with them or not。 If a Kanaka
takes a notion to die； that is the end of him； nobody can persuade him to
hold on； all the doctors in the world could not save him。
A luxury which they enjoy more than anything else； is a large funeral。
If a person wants to get rid of a troublesome native； it is only
necessary to promise him a fine funeral and name the hour and he will be
on hand to the minuteat least his remains will。
All the natives are Christians； now； but many of them still desert to the
Great Shark God for temporary succor in time of trouble。 An irruption of
the great volcano of Kilauea； or an earthquake； always brings a deal of
latent loyalty to the Great Shark God to the surface。 It is common
report that the King； educated； cultivated and refined Christian
gentleman as he undoubtedly is； still turns to the idols of his fathers
for help w