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and excitedly； but I gathered a few phrases； such as：
〃Got to earn my living somehow； haven't I？ Who asked for your
opinion？ Aye； little you care so long as you can guzzle。〃
The horse cut the conversation short by turning up the Dorotheen
Strasse on his own account。 I think what he said was：
〃Come on then； don't talk so much。 Let's get the job over； and；
where possible； let's keep to the back streets。〃
Opposite the Brandenburger Thor our driver hitched the reins to the
whip； climbed down； and came round to explain things to us。 He
pointed out the Thiergarten； and then descanted to us of the
Reichstag House。 He informed us of its exact height； length； and
breadth； after the manner of guides。 Then he turned his attention
to the Gate。 He said it was constructed of sandstone； in imitation
of the 〃Properleer〃 in Athens。
At this point the horse； which had been occupying its leisure
licking its own legs； turned round its head。 It did not say
anything； it just looked。
The man began again nervously。 This time he said it was an
imitation of the 〃Propeyedliar。〃
Here the horse proceeded up the Linden； and nothing would persuade
him not to proceed up the Linden。 His owner expostulated with him；
but he continued to trot on。 From the way he hitched his shoulders
as he moved； I somehow felt he was saying：
〃They've seen the Gate； haven' t they？ Very well； that's enough。
As for the rest； you don't know what you are talking about； and
they wouldn't understand you if you did。 You talk German。〃
It was the same throughout the length of the Linden。 The horse
consented to stand still sufficiently long to enable us to have a
good look at each sight； and to hear the name of it。 All
explanation and description he cut short by the simple process of
moving on。
〃What these fellows want；〃 he seemed to say to himself； 〃is to go
home and tell people they have seen these things。 If I am doing
them an injustice； if they are more intelligent than they look；
they can get better information than this old fool of mine is
giving them from the guide book。 Who wants to know how high a
steeple is？ You don't remember it the next five minutes when you
are told； and if you do it is because you have got nothing else in
your head。 He just tires me with his talk。 Why doesn't he hurry
up； and let us all get home to lunch？〃
Upon reflection； I am not sure that wall…eyed old brute had not
sense on its side。 Anyhow； I know there have been occasions； with
a guide； when I would have been glad of its interference。
But one is apt to 〃sin one's mercies；〃 as the Scotch say； and at
the time we cursed that horse instead of blessing it。
CHAPTER VII
George wondersGerman love of order〃The Band of the Schwarzwald
Blackbirds will perform at seven〃The china dogIts superiority
over all other dogsThe German and the solar systemA tidy
countryThe mountain valley as it ought to be； according to the
German ideaHow the waters come down in GermanyThe scandal of
DresdenHarris gives an entertainmentIt is unappreciatedGeorge
and the aunt of himGeorge； a cushion； and three damsels。
At a point between Berlin and Dresden； George； who had； for the
last quarter of an hour or so； been looking very attentively out of
the window； said：
〃Why； in Germany； is it the custom to put the letter…box up a tree？
Why do they not fix it to the front door as we do？ I should hate
having to climb up a tree to get my letters。 Besides； it is not
fair to the postman。 In addition to being most exhausting； the
delivery of letters must to a heavy man； on windy nights； be
positively dangerous work。 If they will fix it to a tree； why not
fix it lower down； why always among the topmost branches？ But；
maybe； I am misjudging the country；〃 he continued； a new idea
occurring to him。 〃Possibly the Germans； who are in many matters
ahead of us； have perfected a pigeon post。 Even so； I cannot help
thinking they would have been wiser to train the birds； while they
were about it； to deliver the letters nearer the ground。 Getting
your letters out of those boxes must be tricky work even to the
average middle…aged German。〃
I followed his gaze out of window。 I said：
〃Those are not letter…boxes； they are birds' nests。 You must
understand this nation。 The German loves birds； but he likes tidy
birds。 A bird left to himself builds his nest just anywhere。 It
is not a pretty object； according to the German notion of
prettiness。 There is not a bit of paint on it anywhere； not a
plaster image all round； not even a flag。 The nest finished； the
bird proceeds to live outside it。 He drops things on the grass；
twigs； ends of worms； all sorts of things。 He is indelicate。 He
makes love； quarrels with his wife； and feeds the children quite in
public。 The German householder is shocked。 He says to the bird：
〃'For many things I like you。 I like to look at you。 I like to
hear you sing。 But I don't like your ways。 Take this little box；
and put your rubbish inside where I can't see it。 Come out when
you want to sing； but let your domestic arrangements be confined to
the interior。 Keep to the box； and don't make the garden untidy。'〃
In Germany one breathes in love of order with the air； in Germany
the babies beat time with their rattles； and the German bird has
come to prefer the box； and to regard with contempt the few
uncivilised outcasts who continue to build their nests in trees and
hedges。 In course of time every German bird； one is confident；
will have his proper place in a full chorus。 This promiscuous and
desultory warbling of his must； one feels； be irritating to the
precise German mind； there is no method in it。 The music…loving
German will organise him。 Some stout bird with a specially well…
developed crop will be trained to conduct him； and； instead of
wasting himself in a wood at four o'clock in the morning； he will；
at the advertised time； sing in a beer garden； accompanied by a
piano。 Things are drifting that way。
Your German likes nature； but his idea of nature is a glorified
Welsh Harp。 He takes great interest in his garden。 He plants
seven rose trees on the north side and seven on the south； and if
they do not grow up all the same size and shape it worries him so
that he cannot sleep of nights。 Every flower he ties to a stick。
This interferes with his view of the flower； but he has the
satisfaction of knowing it is there； and that it is behaving
itself。 The lake is lined with zinc； and once a week he takes it
up； carries it into the kitchen； and scours it。 In the geometrical
centre of the grass plot； which is sometimes as large as a
tablecloth and is generally railed round； he places a china dog。
The Germans are very fond of dogs； but as a rule they prefer them
of china。 The china dog never digs holes in the lawn to bury
bones； and never scatters a flower…bed to the winds with his hind
legs。 From the German point of view； he is the ideal dog。 He
stops where you put him； and he is never where you do not want him。
You can have him perfect in all points； according to the latest
requirements of the Kennel Club； or you can indulge your own fancy
and have something unique。 You are not； as with other dogs；
limited to breed。 In china； you can have a blue dog or a pink dog。
For a little extra； you can have a double…headed dog。
On a certain fixed date in the autumn the German stakes his flowers
and bushes to the earth； and covers them with Chinese matting； and
on a certain fixed date in the spring he uncovers them； and stands
them up again。 If it happens to be an exceptionally fine autumn；
or an exceptionally late spring； so much the worse for the
unfortunate vegetable。 No true German would allow his arrangements
to be interfered with by so unruly a thing as the solar system。
Unable to regulate the weather； he ignores it。
Among trees； your German's favourite is the poplar。 Other
disorderly nations may sing the charms of the rugged oak； the
spreading chestnut； or the waving elm。 To the German all such；
with their wilful； untidy ways； are eyesores。 The poplar grows
where it is planted； and how it is planted。 It has no impro