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eyes are darkened by a cloud or raised to heaven after long
contemplation of earth； when my lips make no reply to your words or
your devotion； do not ask me again； 〃Of what are you thinking？〃
*****
Dear Natalie； I ceased to write some days ago； these memories were too
bitter for me。 Still； I owe you an account of the events which
followed this catastrophe； they need few words。 When a life is made up
of action and movement it is soon told； but when it passes in the
higher regions of the soul its story becomes diffuse。 Henriette's
letter put the star of hope before my eyes。 In this great shipwreck I
saw an isle on which I might be rescued。 To live at Clochegourde with
Madeleine； consecrating my life to hers； was a fate which satisfied
the ideas of which my heart was full。 But it was necessary to know the
truth as to her real feelings。 As I was bound to bid the count
farewell； I went to Clochegourde to see him； and met him on the
terrace。 We walked up and down for some time。 At first he spoke of the
countess like a man who knew the extent of his loss； and all the
injury it was doing to his inner self。 But after the first outbreak of
his grief was over he seemed more concerned about the future than the
present。 He feared his daughter； who； he told me； had not her mother's
gentleness。 Madeleine's firm character； in which there was something
heroic blending with her mother's gracious nature； alarmed the old
man； used to Henriette's tenderness； and he now foresaw the power of a
will that never yielded。 His only consolation for his irreparable
loss； he said； was the certainty of soon rejoining his wife； the
agitations； the griefs of these last few weeks had increased his
illness and brought back all his former pains； the struggle which he
foresaw between his authority as a father and that of his daughter；
now mistress of the house； would end his days in bitterness； for
though he should have struggled against his wife； he should； he knew；
be forced to give way before his child。 Besides； his son was soon to
leave him； his daughter would marry； and what sort of son…in…law was
he likely to have？ Though he thus talked of dying； his real distress
was in feeling himself alone for many years to come without sympathy。
During this hour when he spoke only of himself； and asked for my
friendship in his wife's name； he completed a picture in my mind of
the remarkable figure of the Emigre；one of the most imposing types
of our period。 In appearance he was frail and broken； but life seemed
persistent in him because of his sober habits and his country
avocations。 He is still living。
Though Madeleine could see me on the terrace； she did not come down。
Several times she came out upon the portico and went back in again； as
if to signify her contempt。 I seized a moment when she appeared to beg
the count to go to the house and call her； saying I had a last wish of
her mother to convey to her； and this would be my only opportunity of
doing so。 The count brought her； and left us alone together on the
terrace。
〃Dear Madeleine；〃 I said； 〃if I am to speak to you； surely it should
be here where your mother listened to me when she felt she had less
reason to complain of me than of the circumstances of life。 I know
your thoughts； but are you not condemning me without a knowledge of
the facts？ My life and happiness are bound up in this place； you know
that； and yet you seek to banish me by the coldness you show； in place
of the brotherly affection which has always united us； and which death
should have strengthened by the bonds of a common grief。 Dear
Madeleine； you for whom I would gladly give my life without hope of
recompense； without your even knowing it；so deeply do we love the
children of those who have succored us；you are not aware of the
project your adorable mother cherished during the last seven years。 If
you knew it your feelings would doubtless soften towards me； but I do
not wish to take advantage of you now。 All that I ask is that you do
not deprive me of the right to come here； to breathe the air on this
terrace； and to wait until time has changed your ideas of social life。
At this moment I desire not to ruffle them； I respect a grief which
misleads you； for it takes even from me the power of judging soberly
the circumstances in which I find myself。 The saint who now looks down
upon us will approve the reticence with which I simply ask that you
stand neutral between your present feelings and my wishes。 I love you
too well； in spite of the aversion you are showing me； to say one word
to the count of a proposal he would welcome eagerly。 Be free。 Later；
remember that you know no one in the world as you know me； that no man
will ever have more devoted feelings〃
Up to this moment Madeleine had listened with lowered eyes； now she
stopped me by a gesture。
〃Monsieur；〃 she said； in a voice trembling with emotion。 〃I know all
your thoughts； but I shall not change my feelings towards you。 I would
rather fling myself into the Indre than ally myself to you。 I will not
speak to you of myself； but if my mother's name still possesses any
power over you； in her name I beg you never to return to Clochegourde
so long as I am in it。 The mere sight of you causes me a repugnance I
cannot express； but which I shall never overcome。〃
She bowed to me with dignity； and returned to the house without
looking back； impassible as her mother had been for one day only； but
more pitiless。 The searching eye of that young girl had discovered；
though tardily； the secrets of her mother's heart； and her hatred to
the man whom she fancied fatal to her mother's life may have been
increased by a sense of her innocent complicity。
All before me was now chaos。 Madeleine hated me； without considering
whether I was the cause or the victim of these misfortunes。 She might
have hated us equally； her mother and me； had we been happy。 Thus it
was that the edifice of my happiness fell in ruins。 I alone knew the
life of that unknown； noble woman。 I alone had entered every region of
her soul； neither mother； father； husband； nor children had ever known
her。Strange truth！ I stir this heap of ashes and take pleasure in
spreading them before you； all hearts may find something in them of
their closest experience。 How many families have had their Henriette！
How many noble feelings have left this earth with no historian to
fathom their hearts； to measure the depth and breadth of their
spirits。 Such is human life in all its truth！ Often mothers know their
children as little as their children know them。 So it is with
husbands； lovers； brothers。 Did I imagine that one day； beside my
father's coffin； I should contend with my brother Charles； for whose
advancement I had done so much？ Good God！ how many lessons in the
simplest history。
When Madeleine disappeared into the house； I went away with a broken
heart。 Bidding farewell to my host at Sache； I started for Paris；
following the right bank of the Indre； the one I had taken when I
entered the valley for the first time。 Sadly I drove through the
pretty village of Pont…de…Ruan。 Yet I was rich； political life courted
me； I was not the weary plodder of 1814。 Then my heart was full of
eager desires； now my eyes were full of tears； once my life was all
before me to fill as I could； now I knew it to be a desert。 I was
still young；only twenty…nine；but my heart was withered。 A few
years had sufficed to despoil that landscape of its early glory； and
to disgust me with life。 You can imagine my feelings when； on turning
round； I saw Madeleine on the terrace。
A prey to imperious sadness； I gave no thought to the end of my
journey。 Lady Dudley was far； indeed； from my mind； and I entered the
courtyard of her house without reflection。 The folly once committed； I
was forced to carry it out。 My habits were conjugal in her house； and
I went upstairs thinking of the annoyances of a rupture。 If you have
fully understood the character and manners of Lady Dudley； you can
imagine my discomfiture when her majordomo ushered me； still in my
travelling dress； into a salon where I found her sumptuously dressed
and surrounded by four persons。 Lord Dudley； o