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the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第69章

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travelling dress; into a salon where I found her sumptuously dressed
and surrounded by four persons。 Lord Dudley; one of the most
distinguished old statesmen of England; was standing with his back to
the fireplace; stiff; haughty; frigid; with the sarcastic air he
doubtless wore in parliament; he smiled when he heard my name。
Arabella's two children; who were amazingly like de Marsay (a natural
son of the old lord); were near their mother; de Marsay himself was on
the sofa beside her。 As soon as Arabella saw me she assumed a distant
air; and glanced at my travelling cap as if to ask what brought me
there。 She looked me over from head to foot; as though I were some
country gentlemen just presented to her。 As for our intimacy; that
eternal passion; those vows of suicide if I ceased to love her; those
visions of Armida; all had vanished like a dream。 I had never clasped
her hand; I was a stranger; she knew me not。 In spite of the
diplomatic self…possession to which I was gradually being trained; I
was confounded; and all others in my place would have felt the same。
De Marsay smiled at his boots; which he examined with remarkable
interest。 I decided at once upon my course。 From any other woman I
should modestly have accepted my defeat; but; outraged at the glowing
appearance of the heroine who had vowed to die for love; and who had
scoffed at the woman who was really dead; I resolved to meet insolence
with insolence。 She knew very well the misfortunes of Lady Brandon; to
remind her of them was to send a dagger to her heart; though the
weapon might be blunted by the blow。

〃Madame;〃 I said; 〃I am sure you will pardon my unceremonious
entrance; when I tell you that I have just arrived from Touraine; and
that Lady Brandon has given me a message for you which allows of no
delay。 I feared you had already started for Lancashire; but as you are
still in Paris I will await your orders at any hour you may be pleased
to appoint。〃

She bowed; and I left the room。 Since that day I have only met her in
society; where we exchange a friendly bow; and occasionally a sarcasm。
I talk to her of the inconsolable women of Lancashire; she makes
allusion to Frenchwomen who dignify their gastric troubles by calling
them despair。 Thanks to her; I have a mortal enemy in de Marsay; of
whom she is very fond。 In return; I call her the wife of two
generations。

So my disaster was complete; it lacked nothing。 I followed the plan I
had laid out for myself during my retreat at Sache; I plunged into
work and gave myself wholly to science; literature; and politics。 I
entered the diplomatic service on the accession of Charles X。; who
suppressed the employment I held under the late king。 From that moment
I was firmly resolved to pay no further attention to any woman; no
matter how beautiful; witty; or loving she might be。 This
determination succeeded admirably; I obtained a really marvellous
tranquillity of mind; and great powers of work; and I came to
understand how much these women waste our lives; believing; all the
while; that a few gracious words will repay us。

Butall my resolutions came to naught; you know how and why。 Dear
Natalie; in telling you my life; without reserve; without concealment;
precisely as I tell it to myself; in relating to you feelings in which
you have had no share; perhaps I have wounded some corner of your
sensitive and jealous heart。 But that which might anger a common woman
will be to youI feel sure of itan additional reason for loving me。
Noble women have indeed a sublime mission to fulfil to suffering and
sickened hearts;the mission of the sister of charity who stanches
the wound; of the mother who forgives a child。 Artists and poets are
not the only ones who suffer; men who work for their country; for the
future destiny of the nations; enlarging thus the circle of their
passions and their thoughts; often make for themselves a cruel
solitude。 They need a pure; devoted love beside them;believe me;
they understand its grandeur and its worth。

To…morrow I shall know if I have deceived myself in loving you。

Felix。




ANSWER TO THE ENVOI

  Madame la Comtesse Natalie de Manerville to Monsieur le Comte 
  Felix de Vandenesse。

  Dear Count;You received a letter from poor Madame de Mortsauf;
  which; you say; was of use in guiding you through the world;a
  letter to which you owe your distinguished career。 Permit me to
  finish your education。

  Give up; I beg of you; a really dreadful habit; do not imitate
  certain widows who talk of their first husband and throw the
  virtues of the deceased in the face of their second。 I am a
  Frenchwoman; dear count; I wish to marry the whole of the man I
  love; and I really cannot marry Madame de Mortsauf too。 Having
  read your tale with all the attention it deserves;and you know
  the interest I feel in you;it seems to me that you must have
  wearied Lady Dudley with the perfections of Madame de Mortsauf;
  and done great harm to the countess by overwhelming her with the
  experiences of your English love。 Also you have failed in tact to
  me; poor creature without other merit than that of pleasing you;
  you have given me to understand that I cannot love as Henriette or
  Arabella loved you。 I acknowledge my imperfections; I know them;
  but why so roughly make me feel them?

  Shall I tell you whom I pity?the fourth woman whom you love。 She
  will be forced to struggle against three others。 Therefore; in
  your interests as well as in hers; I must warn you against the
  dangers of your tale。 For myself; I renounce the laborious glory
  of loving you;it needs too many virtues; Catholic or Anglican;
  and I have no fancy for rivalling phantoms。 The virtues of the
  virgin of Clochegourde would dishearten any woman; however sure of
  herself she might be; and your intrepid English amazon discourages
  even a wish for that sort of happiness。 No matter what a poor
  woman may do; she can never hope to give you the joys she will
  aspire to give。 Neither heart nor senses can triumph against these
  memories of yours。 I own that I have never been able to warm the
  sunshine chilled for you by the death of your sainted Henriette。 I
  have felt you shuddering beside me。

  My friend;for you will always be my friend;never make such
  confidences again; they lay bare your disillusions; they
  discourage love; and compel a woman to feel doubtful of herself。
  Love; dear count; can only live on trustfulness。 The woman who
  before she says a word or mounts her horse; must ask herself
  whether a celestial Henriette might not have spoken better;
  whether a rider like Arabella was not more graceful; that woman
  you may be very sure; will tremble in all her members。 You
  certainly have given me a desire to receive a few of those
  intoxicating bouquetsbut you say you will make no more。 There
  are many other things you dare no longer do; thoughts and
  enjoyments you can never reawaken。 No woman; and you ought to know
  this; will be willing to elbow in your heart the phantom whom you
  hold there。

  You ask me to love you out of Christian charity。 I could do much;
  I candidly admit; for charity; in fact I could do allexcept
  love。 You are sometimes wearisome and wearied; you call your
  dulness melancholy。 Very good;so be it; but all the same it is
  intolerable; and causes much cruel anxiety to one who loves you。 I
  have often found the grave of that saint between us。 I have
  searched my own heart; I know myself; and I own I do not wish to
  die as she did。 If you tired out Lady Dudley; who is a very
  distinguished woman; I; who have not her passionate desires;
  should; I fear; turn coldly against you even sooner than she did。
  Come; let us suppress love between us; inasmuch as you can find
  happiness only with the dead; and let us be merely friendsI wish
  it。

  Ah! my dear count; what a history you have told me! At your
  entrance into life you found an adorable woman; a perfect
  mistress; who thought of your future; made you a peer; loved you
  to distraction; only asked that you would be faithful to her; and
  you killed her! I know nothing more monstro
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