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malice。 Then she wrapped all the fragments of the pan in a piece of paper；
for the purpose of giving them to her little playmates especially to the
three little Mouton girls； who are naturally inclined to gluttony。
Secretly； however； I was beginning to feel very uneasy。 It did not now
seem in any way possible to keep much longer upon good terms with
Mademoiselle Prefere since her matrimonial fury had this burst forth。 And
that lady affronted； good…bye to Jeanne！ I took advantage of a moment
while the sweet soul was busy putting on her cloak； in order to ask Jeanne
to tell me exactly what her own age was。 She was eighteen years and one
month old。 I counted on my fingers； and found she would not come of age
for another two years and eleven months。 And how should we be able to
manage during all that time？
At the door Mademoiselle Prefere squeezed my hand with so much
meaning that I fairly shook from head to foot。
〃Good…bye；〃 I said very gravely to the young girl。 〃But listen to me a
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moment： your friend is very old； and might perhaps fail you when you
need him most。 Promise me never to fail in your duty to yourself； and then
I shall have no fear。 God keep you； my child！〃
After closing the door behind them； I opened the window to get a last
look at her as she was going away。 But the night was dark； and I could see
only two vague shadows flitting across the quay。 I heard the vast deep hom
of the city rising up about me； and I suddenly felt a great sinking at my
heart。
Poor child！
December 15。
The King of Thule kept a goblet of gold which his dying mistress had
bequeathed him as a souvenir。 When about to die himself； after having
drunk from it for the last time； he threw the goblet into the sea。 And I keep
this diary of memories even as that old prince of the mist…haunted seas
kept his carven goblet； and even as he flung away at last his love…pledge；
so will I burn this book of souvenirs。 Assuredly it is not through any
arrogant avarice nor through any egotistical pride； that I shall destroy this
record of a humble lifeit is only because I fear lest those things which are
dear and sacred to me might appear before others； because of my inartistic
manner of expression； either commonplace or absurd。
I do not say this in view of what is going to follow。 Absurd I certainly
must have been when； having been invited to dinner by Mademoiselle
Prefere； I took my seat in a bergere （it was really a bergere） at the right
hand of that alarming person。 The table had been set in a little parlour； and
I could observe from the poor way in which it was set out that the
schoolmistress was one of those ethereal souls who soar above terrestrial
things。 Chipped plates； unmatched glasses； knives with loose handles；
forks with yellow prongsthere was absolutely nothing wanting to spoil
the appetite of an honest man。
I was assured that the dinner had been cooked for mefor me alone
although Maitre Mouche had also been invited。 Mademoiselle Prefere
must have imagined that I had Sarmatian tastes on the subject of butter；
for that which she offered me； served up in little thin pats； was excessively
rancid。
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The roast very nearly poisoned me。 But I had the pleasure of hearing
Maitre Mouche and Mademoiselle Prefere discourse upon virtue。 I said the
pleasureI ought to have said the shame； for the sentiments to which they
gave expression soared far beyond the range of my vulgar nature。
What they said proved to me as clear as day that devotedness was their
daily bread； and that self…sacrifice was not less necessary to their existence
than air and water。 Observing that I was not eating； Mademoiselle Prefere
made a thousand efforts to overcome that which she was good enough to
term my 〃discretion。〃 Jeanne was not of the party； because； I was told； her
presence at it would have been contrary to the rules； and would have
wounded the feelings of the other school…children； among whom it was
necessary to maintian a certain equality。 I secretly congratulated her upon
having escaped from the Merovingian butter； from the huge radishes；
empty as funeral… urns； form the leathery roast； and from various other
curiosities of diet to which I had exposed myself for the love of her。
The extremely disconsolate…looking servant served up some liquid to
which they gave the name of creamI do not know whyand vanished
away like a ghost。
Then Mademoiselle Prefere related to Maitre Mouche； with
extraordinary transports of emotion； all that she had said to me in the City
of Books； during the time that my housekeeper was sick in bed。 Her
admiration for a Member of the Institute； her terror lest I should be taken
ill while unattended； and the certainty she felt that any intelligent woman
would be proud and happy to share my existenceshe concealed nothing；
but； on the contrary； added many fresh follies to the recital。 Maitre
Mouche kept nodding his head in approval while cracking nuts。 Then；
after all this verbiage； he demanded； with an agreeable smile； what my
answer had been。
Mademoiselle Prefere； pressing her hand upon her heart and extending
the other towards me； cried out；
〃He is so affectionate； so superior； so good； and so great！ He
answered。。。 But I could never； because I am only a humble womanI
could never repeat the words of a Member of the Institute。 I can only utter
the substance of them。 He answered； 'Yes； I understand youyes。'〃
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And with these words she reached out and seized one of my hands。
Then Maitre Mouche； also overwhelmed with emotion； arose and seized
my other hand。
〃Monsieur；〃 he said； 〃permit me to offer my congratulations。〃
Several times in my life I have known fear； but never before had I
experienced any fright of so nauseating a character。 A sickening terror
came upon me。
I disengaged by two hands； and； rising to my feet； so as to give all
possible seriousness to my words； I said；
〃Madame； either I explained myself very badly when you were at my
house； or I have totally misunderstood you here in your own。 In either case；
a positive declaration is absolutely necessary。 Permit me； Madame； to
make it now； very plainly。 NoI never did understand you； I am totally
ignorant of the nature of this marriage project that you have been planning
for meif you really have been planning one。 In any event； I should not
think of marrying。 It would be unpardonable folly at my age； and even
now； at this moment； I cannot conceive how a sensible person like you
could ever have advised me to marry。 Indeed； I am strongly inclined to
believe that I must have been mistaken； and that you never said anything
of the kind