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herself from bursting into a wild fit of laughter。 But when she had finished
with the prince and princess of the story； and the multitude of their
children； she assumed a very suppliant expression； and begged me as a
great favour to allow her to put on a white apron and go to the kitchen to
help in getting the dinner ready。
〃Jeanne；〃 I replied； with the gravity of a master； 〃I think that if it is a
question of breaking plates； knocking off the edges of dishes； denting all
the pans； and smashing all the skimmers； the person whom Therese has set
to work in the kitchen already will be able to perform her task without
assistance； for it seems to me at this very moment I can hear disastrous
noises in that kitchen。 But anyhow； Jeanne； I will charge you with the duty
of preparing the dessert。 So go and get your white apron； I will tie it on for
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you。〃
Accordingly； I solemnly knotted the linen apron about her waist； and
she rushed into the kitchen； where she proceeded at onceas we
discovered later onto prepare various dishes unknown to Vatel； unknown
even to that great Careme who began his treatise upon pieces montees
with these words： 〃The Fine Arts are five in number： Painting； Music；
Poetry； Sculpture； and Architecturewhereof the principal branch is
Confectionery。〃 But I had no reason to be pleased with this little
arrangementfor Mademoiselle Prefere； on finding herself alone with me；
began to act after a fashion which filled me with frightful anxiety。 She
gazed upon me with eyes full of tears and flames； and uttered enormous
sighs。
〃Oh； how I pity you！〃 she said。 〃A man like youa man so superior as
you arehaving to live alone with a coarse servant （for she is certainly
coarse； that is incontestable）！ How cruel such a life must be！ You have
need of reposeyou have need of comfort； of care； of every kind of
attention； you might fall sick。 And yet there is no woman who would not
deem it an honour to bear your name； and to share your existence。 No；
there is none； my own heart tells me so。〃
And she squeezed both hands over that heart of hersalways so ready
to fly away。
I was driven almost to distraction。 I tried to make Mademoiselle
Prefere comprehend that I had no intention whatever of changing my
habits at so advanced an age； and that I found just as much happiness in
life as my character and my circumstances rendered possible。
〃No； you are not happy！〃 she cried。 〃You need to have always beside
you a mind capable of comprehending your own。 Shake off your lethargy；
and cast your eyes about you。 Your professional connections are of the
most extended character； and you must have charming acquaintances。 One
cannot be a Member of the Institute without going into society。 See； judge；
compare。 No sensible woman would refuse you her hand。 I am a woman；
Monsieur； my instinct never deceives methere is something within me
which assures me that you would find happiness in marriage。 Women are
so devoted； so loving （not all； of course； but some）！ And； then； they are so
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sensitive to glory。 Remember that at your age one has need； like Oedipus；
of an Egeria！ Your cook is no longer ableshe is deaf； she is infirm。 If
anything should happen to you at night！ Oh！ it makes me shudder even to
think of it！〃
And she really shudderedshe closed her eyes； clenched her hands；
stamped on the floor。 Great was my dismay。 With awful intensity she
resumed；
〃Your healthyour dear health！ The health of a Member of the
Institute！ How joyfully I would shed the very last drop of my blood to
preserve the life of a scholar； of a litterateur； of a man of worth。 And any
woman who would not do as much； I should despise her！ Let me tell you；
MonsieurI used to know the wife of a great mathematician； a man who
used to fill whole note…books with calculationsso many note…books that
they filled all the cupboards in the house。 He had heart…disease； and he
was visibly pining away。 And I saw that wife of his； sitting there beside
him； perfectly calm！ I could not endure it。 I said to her one day； 'My dear；
you have no heart！ If I were in your place I should。。。I should。。。I do not
know what I should do！'〃
She paused for want of breath。 My situation was terrible。 As for telling
Mademoiselle Prefere what I really thought about her advice that was
something which I could not even dream of daring to do。 For to fall out
with her was to lose the chance of seeing Jeanne。 So I resolved to take the
matter quietly。 In any case； she was in my house： that consideration helped
me to treat her with something of courtesy。
〃I am very old； Mademoiselle；〃 I answered her； 〃and I am very much
afraid that your advice comes to me rather late in life。 Still； I will think
about it。 In the meanwhile let me beg of you to be calm。 I think a glass of
eau sucree would do you good！〃
To my great surprise； these words calmed her at once； and I saw her sit
down very quietly in HER corner； close to HER pigeon…hole； upon HER
chair； with her feet upon HER footstool。
The dinner was a complete failure。 Mademoiselle Prefere； who seemed
lost in a brown study； never noticed the fact。 As a rule I am very sensitive
about such misfortunes； but this one caused Jeanne so much delight that at
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last I could not help enjoying it myself。 Even at my age I had not been
able to learn before that a chicken； raw on one side and burned on the
other； was a funny thing； but Jeanne's bursts of laughter taught me that it
was。 That chicken caused us to say a thousand very witty things； which I
have forgotten； and I was enchanted that it had not been properly cooked。
Jeanne put it back to roast again； then she broiled it； then she stewed it
with butter。 And every time it came back to the table it was much less
appetising and much more mirth…provoking than before。 When we did eat
it； at last； it had become a thing for which there is no name in any cuisine。
The almond cake was much more extraordinary。 It was brought to the
table in the pan； because it never could have got out of it。 I invited Jeanne
to help us all to a piece thinking that I was going to embarrass her； but she
broke the pan and gave each of us a fragment。 To think that anybody at my
age could eat such things was an idea possible only to the very artless
mind。 Mademoiselle Prefere； suddenly awakened from her dream；
indignantly pushed away the sugary splinter of earthenware； and deemed it
opportune to inform me that she herself was exceedingly skilful in making
confectionery。
〃Ah！〃 exclaimed Jeanne； with an air of surprise not altogether without
malice。 Then she wrapped all the fragments of the pan in a piece of paper；
for the purpose of giving them