按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
out of luck that trip。 The demon of a joyrider who operated the
accursed device jerked a lever and up we soared at a distressingly
high rate of speed。 If I could have had my way about that youth
he would have been arrested for speeding。
Now we were there！ They rolled into a large room； all white； with
a rounded ceiling like the inside of an egg。 Right away I knew
what the feelings of a poor； lonely little yolk are when the spoon
begins to chip the shell。 If I had not been so busy feeling sorry
for myself I think I might have developed quite an active sympathy
for yolks。
My impression had been that this was to be in the nature of a
private affair； without invitations。 I was astonished to note
that quite a crowd had assembled for the opening exercises。 From
his attire and general deportment I judged that Doctor Z was going
to be the master of the revels； he being attired appropriately in
a white domino； with rubber gloves and a fancy cap of crash toweling。
There were present； also； my diagnostic friend； Doctor X； likewise
in fancy…dress costume； and a surgeon I had never met。 From what
I could gather he was going over the course behind Doctor Z to
replace the divots。
And there was an interne in the background； playing caddy； as it
were； and a head nurse； who was going to keep the score； and two
other nurses； who were going to help her keep it。 I only hoped
that they would show no partiality； but be as fair to me as they
were to Doctor Z； and that he would go round in par。
So they placed me right where my eyes might rest on a large wall
cabinet full of very shiny…looking tools； and they took my cigar
away from me and folded my hands on the wide bowknot of my sash。
Then they put a cloth dingus over my face and a voice of authority
told me to breathe。 That advice； however； was superfluous and
might just as well have been omitted； for such was my purpose
anyhow。 Ever since I can recall anything at all； breathing has
been a regular habit with me。 So I breathed。 And； at that； a
bottle of highly charged sarsaparilla exploded somewhere in the
immediate vicinity and most of its contents went up my nose。
I started to tell them that somebody had been fooling with their
ether and adulterating it； and that if they thought they could
send me off to sleep with soda pop they were making the mistake
of their lives； because it just naturally could not be done； but
for some reason or other I decided to put off speaking about the
matter for a few minutes。 I breathed againagainagai
I was going away from there。 I was in a large gas balloon； soaring
up into the clouds。 How pleasant！ 。。。 No； by Jove！ I was not in
a balloonI myself was the balloon； which was not quite so pleasant。
Besides； Doctor Z was going along as a passenger； and as we traveled
up and up he kept jabbing me in the midriff with the ferrule of a
large umbrella which he had brought along with him in case of rain。
He jabbed me harder and harder。 I remonstrated with him。 I told
him I was a bit tender in that locality and the ferrule of his
umbrella was sharp。 He would not listen。 He kept on jabbing me。
Something broke！ We started back down to earth。 We fell faster
and faster。 We fell nine miles； and after that I began to get
used to it。 Then I saw the earth beneath and it was rising up to
meet us。
A town was belowa town that grew larger and larger as we neared
it。 I could make out the bonded indebtedness； and the Carnegie
Library； and the moving…picture palaces； and the new dancing parlor；
and other principal points of interest。
At the rate we were falling we were certainly going to make an
awful splatter in that town when we hit。 I was sorry for the
street…cleaning department。
We fell another half mile or so。 A spire was sticking up into the
sky directly beneath us； like a spear； to impale us。 By a supreme
effort I twisted out of the way of that spire； only to strike
squarely on top of the roof of a greenhouse back of the parsonage；
next door。 We crashed through it with a perfectly terrific clatter
of breaking glass and landed in a bed of white flowers； all soft
and downy； like feathers。
And then Doctor Z stood up and combed the debris out of his whiskers
and remarked that； taking it by and large； it had been one of the
pleasantest little outings he had enjoyed in the entire course of
his practice。 He said that as a patient I was fair； but as a
balloon I was immense。 He asked me whether I had seen anything
of his umbrella and began looking round for it。 I tried to help
him look； but I was too tired to exert myself much。 I told him I
believed I would take a little nap。
I opened a dizzy eye part way。 So this was heaventhis white
expanse that swung and swam before my languid gaze？ No； it could
not beit did not smell like heaven。 It smelled like a hospital。
It was a hospital。 It was my hospital。 My nurse was bending over
me and I caught a faint whiff of the starch in the front of her
crisp blue blouse。 She was two…headed for the moment； but that
was a mere detail。 She settled a pillow under my head and told me
to lie quiet。
I meant to lie quiet； I did not have to be told。 I wanted to lie
quiet and hurt。 I was hurty from head to toe and back again； and
crosswise and cater…cornered。 I hurt diagonally and lengthwise
and on the bias。 I had a taste in my mouth like a bird…and…animal
store。 And empty！ It seemed to me those doctors had not left
anything inside of me except the acoustics。 Well； there was a
mite of consolation there。 If the overhauling had been as thorough
as I had reason to believe it was from my present sensations； I
need never fear catching anything again so long as I lived； except
possibly dandruff。
I waved the nurse away。 I craved solitude。 I desired only to
lie there in that bed and hurtwhich I did。
I had said beforehand I meant to stay in St。 Germicide's for two
or three days only。 It is when I look back on that resolution I
emit the hollow laugh elsewhere referred to。 For exactly four
weeks I was flat on my back。 I know now how excessively wearied
a man can get of his own back； how tired of it； how bored with
it！ And after that another two weeks elapsed before my legs became
the same dependable pair of legs I had known in the past。
I did not want to eat at first； and when I did begin to want to
they would not let me。 If I felt sort of peckish they let me suck
a little glass thermometer； but there is not much nourishment
really in thermometers。 And for entertainment； to wile the dragging
hours away； I could count the cracks in the ceiling and read my
temperature chart； which was a good deal like Red Ames' batting
average for the past seasonranging from ninety…nine to one hundred
and four。
Also； through daily conversations with my nurse and with the
surgeons who dropped in from time to time to have a look at me；
I learned； as I lay there； a great deal about the medical profession
that is； a great deal for a laymanand what I learned filled me
with an abiding admiration for it； both as a science and as a
business。 This surely is one profession which ever keeps its face
to the front。 Burying its past mistakes and forgetting them as
speedily as possible； it pushes straight forward into fresh fields
and fresh patients； always hopeful of what the future may bring
in the way of newly discovered and highly expensive ailments。 As
we look backward upon the centuries we are astonished by its
advancement。 I did a good deal of looking backwards upon the
centuries during my sojourn at St。 Germicide's。
Take the Middle Ages nowthe period when a barber and a surgeon
were one and the same。 If a man made a failure as a barber he
turned his talents to surgery。 Surgeons in those times were a
husky breed。 I judge they worked by the day instead of by piecework；
anyhow the records show they were very fond of experiments where
somebody else furnished the raw material。
When there came a resounding knock at the tradesman's entrance of
the moated grange； the lord of the manor； looking over the portcullis
and seeing a lusty wight standing down below； in a leather apron；
with his sleeves r