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‘I would rather die than put a collar around my neck again。’
Kahlan rubbed her shoulder。 It felt just as he had described it。 She couldn’t think of anything to say。 She hurt too much； inside； to say anything。 So she sat and watched him look at the fire as tears ran down her face。 She ached for him。
And then she heard herself ask something she had promised herself she wasn’t ever going to ask。 ‘Denna took you for her mate； didn’t she。’ She wished she could call the words back； and at the same time； she didn’t。
Richard didn’t flinch。 ‘Yes；’ he whispered as he stared at the fire。 Another tear ran down his cheek。 ‘How did you know？’
‘Demmin Nass brought two quads to take me。 He had a spell…web from Darken Rahl to protect him from Zedd’s magic。 From mine too。 Zedd couldn’t do anything； he was frozen by a web。 Demmin Nass told me what had happened to you。 He said you were dead。 That was when I called forth the Con Dar and killed him。’
Richard’s eyes closed as another tear ran down。 There was no way for me to stop her。 I swear； Kahlan 。。。 I tried。 You can’t imagine what Denna did to me for trying to stop her。 There was no way for me to fight back。 She could do anything she wanted。 It wasn’t enough for her to hurt me just in the day。 She wanted to hurt me at night； too。’
‘How can anyone be that evil？’
Richard stared at the Agiel as he slowly grasped it in his fist again。 ‘She was captured when she was twelve。 They trained her with this Agiel。 This very one。 Everything she did to me； they had done to her。 Over and over。 For years。 They tortured her parents to death in front of her。 There was no one to help her。
‘She grew into a woman at the end of this Agiel； surrounded only by people who wanted her to hurt。 There was no one to give her even a single word of hope； of fort； of love。
‘Can you imagine her terror？ They gave her a life of endless pain。 They raped her body and her spirit。 They broke her。 They made her one of them。 Darken Rahl； personally； made her one of them。
The whole time she used this Agiel on me； it hurt her。 The same as it hurts me to hold it now。 There’s some magic for you。
‘One day； Darken Rahl beat her； for hours； because he thought she wasn’t hurting me enough。 He flailed the skin right off her back。’
Richard’s head hung as he cried。 And then at the end of all that； at the end of a life of pain and madness； I e along； turn the Sword of Truth white； and run it through her。 The only thing she asked before I killed her was for me to wear her Agiel and remember her。 I was the only one who understood her pain。 It was the only thing she wanted： for someone who understood to remember her。
‘I promised； and she hung it around my neck。 And then she just sat there as I pushed my sword through her heart。 She had been hoping I would be the one with the power to kill her。
‘That is how someone can be that evil。 If I had the power； I would bring Darken Rahl back to life so I could kill him again。’
Kahlan sat stunned； motionless； caught in a vortex of conflicting emotions。 She hated this Denna for hurting Richard； she was unaccountably jealous of her； and at the same time； she felt unexpected； wrenching sorrow for her。 Finally； she turned away and wiped the tears from her face。
‘Richard； why didn’t they win？ Why wasn’t Denna able to break you？ How did you keep your sanity？’
‘Because； as the Sisters said； I partitioned my mind。 I don’t know how to explain it。 I didn’t even know exactly what it was I was doing； but that’s how I saved myself。 I put the core of myself away and sacrificed the rest。 I let her do what she would。 Darken Rahl said that I have the gift because I did that。 That was when I first heard the word … partitioned。’
Richard lay back； resting his arm over his eyes。 Kahlan pulled out a blanket and bunched it under his head。 ‘I’m so sorry； Richard；’ she whispered。
‘It’s over。 That is what matters。’ He took his arm from his eyes and at last smiled up at her。 ‘It’s over and we are together。 In some ways； it was good。 If she hadn’t taught me； I wouldn’t be able to deal with this headache。 Maybe Denna has helped me。 Maybe I can use what I know to get out of this。’
She winced in sympathy。 ‘Is it really bad right now？’
He nodded a little。 ‘But I’ll die before I ever put a collar around my neck again。’
She understood now； though she wished she didn’t。 She lay down snug against him。 The fire was a watery blur。
CHAPTER 11
The next day the sky was a cold gray and the wind icy as the two of them went out alone on the plain。 Richard wanted to be away from people； away from buildings。 He wanted to see the sky and the earth； he said。 The brown grass bowed in the stiff gusts that flapped and tugged their cloaks as they walked along in silence。 Richard wanted to shoot his bow to make the headache go away for a while。 Kahlan just wanted to be with him。
It seemed that the eternity； which a few days ago she had felt belonged to them； was slipping through her fingers。 She wanted to fight back； but didn’t know how。 Everything that was so right was suddenly going wrong。
She didn’t think that Richard would put on the Rada’Han； the collar； no matter what the Sisters said。 He might accept learning to use the gift； but she didn’t think he would wear a collar。 And if he didn’t； he would die。 After what he had told her … and worse； the things she knew he hadn’t … how could she expect him to wear it？ Or ask him to？
It did feel good； though； to be away from the village； away from people and away from Chandalen’s eyes following them everywhere。 How could she blame him？ It did seem as if the two of them kept bringing trouble； but it irritated her that he acted as if they did it on purpose。 She was tired of trouble。 It seemed as if it would never end。 Well； she decided； for today； at least； they would be away from trouble； and just enjoy being together。
Kahlan had told him she used to shoot a bow。 She couldn’t draw his because it was too heavy； so Richard encouraged her to borrow one and bring it along so he could teach her how to shoot better。 They found the bundled grass targets the men had set up before； standing head high like a group of scarecrows on guard over the vast； flat grassland。 A few even had balled grass for heads。 Each had an X made of grass for a target。 The targets with heads had an X there as well。 Richard thought the Xs were too fat； so he took them off and made ones of single grass stalks。
They stood a long way off； so far； in fact； that she could hardly see the bundled grass； much less the Xs。 Richard strapped on a simple leather bracer Savidlin had made for him along with the bow； and shot arrows until his headache was gone。
Richard was a picture of stillness； of smoothness； he was one with the bow。 She smiled at how good he looked； and that he was hers。 It made her heart ache with joy to see his gray eyes sparkle without the pain of the headache in them。 They moved closer so she could shoot。
‘Don’t you want to go check where your arrows hit？’
He smiled。 ‘I know where they hit。 You shoot now。’
She shot a few arrows； getting the feel again。 He set one end of his bow on the ground； rested both hands over the other end； and watched her。 She had been a girl the last time she used a bow。 Richard watched her shoot a few more times； and then came and stood behind her。 His arms came around her； and he adjusted her hand on the bow and put his fingers on the string。
‘Here。 Do this。 You can’t get any power or be steady enough holding the arrow with your thumb and the knuckle of your first finger that way。 Hold the bowstring back with your first three fingers； like this； nesting the arrow between the first two。 And pull with your shoulder too。 You don’t need to pull on the arrow； just concentrate on holding back the string。 The arrow will take care of itself。 See？ Isn’t that better？’
She grinned。 ‘It is with your arms around me。’
‘Pay attention to what you’re doing；’ he scolded。
Kahlan took aim and shot。