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ancestorsthey're just gone。 They say that I must do something
desperate at once； or perish in horrible agonies。 Gogo to
yonder villagecarry off a maidenbring her here at onceany
oneI don't care which
ADAM。 But
ROB。 Not a word； but obey！ Fly！
（Exeunt Adam）
RECIT。 and SONGROBIN。
Away； Remorse！
Compunction； hence！。
Go； Moral Force！
Go； Penitence！
To Virtue's plea
A long farewell
Propriety；
I ring your knell！
Come； guiltiness of deadliest hue！
Come； desperate deeds of derring…do！
Henceforth all the crimes that I find in the Times。
I've promised to perpetrate daily；
To…morrow I start with a petrified heart；
On a regular course of Old Bailey。
There's confidence tricking； bad coin； pocket…picking；
And several other disgraces
There's postage…stamp prigging； and then thimble…rigging；
The three…card delusion at races！
Oh！ A baronet's rank is exceedingly nice；
But the title's uncommonly dear at the price！
Ye well…to…do squires； who live in the shires；
Where petty distinctions are vital；
Who found Athenaeums and local museums；
With a view to a baronet's title
Ye butchers and bakers and candlestick makers
Who sneer at all things that are tradey
Whose middle…class lives are embarrassed by wives
Who long to parade as 〃My Lady〃；
Oh！ allow me to offer a word of advice；
The title's uncommonly dear at the price！
Ye supple M。P。's who go down on your knees；
Your precious identity sinking；
And vote black or white as your leaders indite
（Which saves you the trouble of thinking）；
For your country's good fame； her repute； or her shame；
You don't care the snuff of a candle
But you're paid for your game when you're told that your name
Will be graced by a baronet's handle
Oh！ Allow me to give you a word of advice
The title's uncommonly dear at the price！
（Exit Robin。）
（Enter Despard and Margaret。 They are both dressed in sober black
of formal cut； and present a strong contrast to their
appearance in Act I。）
DUET。
DES。 I once was a very abandoned person
MAR。 Making the most of evil chances。
DES。 Nobody could conceive a worse 'un
MAR。 Even in all the old romances。
DES。 I blush for my wild extravagances；
But be so kind
To bear in mind；
MAR。 We were the victims of circumstances！
（Dance。）
That is one of our blameless dances。
MAR。 I was once an exceedingly odd young lady
DES。 Suffering much from spleen and vapours。
MAR。 Clergymen thought my conduct shady
DES。 She didn't spend much upon linen…drapers。
MAR。 It certainly entertained the gapers。
My ways were strange
Beyond all range
DES。 Paragraphs got into all the papers。
（Dance。）
DES。 We only cut respectable capers。
DES。 I've given up all my wild proceedings。
MAR。 My taste for a wandering life is waning。
DES。 Now I'm a dab at penny readings。
MAR。 They are not remarkably entertaining。
DES。 A moderate livelihood we're gaining。
MAR。 In fact we rule
A National School。
DES。 The duties are dull； but I'm not complaining。
（Dance。）
This sort of thing takes a deal of training！
DES。 We have been married a week。
MAR。 One happy； happy week！
DES。 Our new life
MAR。 Is delightful indeed！
DES。 So calm！
MAR。 So unimpassioned！ （Wildly）。 Master； all this I owe
to you！ See； I am no longer wild and untidy。 My hair is combed。
My face is washed。 My boots fit！
DES。 Margaret； don't。 Pray restrain yourself。 Remember；
you are now a district visitor。
MAR。 A gentle district visitor！
DES。 You are orderly； methodical； neat； you have your
emotions well under control。
MAR。 I have！ （Wildly）。 Master； when I think of all you
have done for me； I fall at your feet。 I embrace your ankles。 I
hug your knees！ （Doing so。）
DES。 Hush。 This is not well。 This is calculated to
provoke remark。 Be composed； I beg！
MAR。 Ah！ you are angry with poor little Mad Margaret！
DES。 No； not angry； but a district visitor should learn to
eschew melodrama。 Visit the poor； by all means； and give them
tea and barley…water； but don't do it as if you were
administering a bowl of deadly nightshade。 It upsets them。 Then
when you nurse sick people； and find them not as well as could be
expected； why go into hysterics？
MAR。 Why not？
DES。 Because it's too jumpy for a sick…room。
MAR。 How strange！ Oh； Master！ Master！how shall I express
the all…absorbing gratitude that（about to throw herself at his
feet）。
DES。 Now！ （Warningly）。
MAR。 Yes； I know； dearit shan't occur again。 （He is
seatedshe sits on the ground by him。） Shall I tell you one of
poor Mad Margaret's odd thoughts？ Well； then； when I am lying
awake at night； and the pale moonlight streams through the
latticed casement； strange fancies crowd upon my poor mad brain；
and I sometimes think that if we could hit upon some word for you
to use whenever I am about to relapsesome word that teems with
hidden meaninglike 〃Basingstoke〃it might recall me to my
saner self。 For； after all； I am only Mad Margaret！ Daft Meg！
Poor Meg！ He！ he！ he！
DES。 Poor child； she wanders！ But softsome one
comesMargaretpray recollect yourselfBasingstoke； I beg！
Margaret； if you don't Basingstoke at once； I shall be seriously
angry。
MAR。 （recovering herself）。 Basingstoke it is！
DES。 Then make it so。
（Enter Robin。 He starts on seeing them。）
ROB。 Despard！ And his young wife！ This visit is
unexpected。
MAR。 Shall I fly at him？ Shall I tear him limb from limb？
Shall I rend him asunder？ Say but the word and
DES。 Basingstoke！
MAR。 （suddenly demure）。 Basingstoke it is！
DES。 （aside）。 Then make it so。 （Aloud。） My brotherI
call you brother still； despite your horrible profligacywe have
come to urge you to abandon the evil courses to which you have
committed yourself； and at any cost to become a pure and
blameless ratepayer。
ROB。 But I've done no wrong yet。
MAR。 （wildly）。 No wrong！ He has done no wrong！ Did you
hear that！
DES。 Basingstoke！
MAR。 （recovering herself）。 Basingstoke it is！
DES。 My brotherI still call you brother； you observeyou
forget that you have been； in the eye of the law； a Bad Baronet
of Ruddigore for ten yearsand you are therefore responsiblein
the eye of the lawfor all the misdeeds committed by the unhappy
gentleman who occupied your place。
ROB。 I see！ Bless my heart； I never thought of that！ Was
I very bad？
DES。 Awful。 Wasn't he？ （To Margaret）。
ROB。 And I've been going on like this for how long？
DES。 Ten years！ Think of all the atrocities you have
committedby attorney as it wereduring that period。 Remember
how you trifled with this poor child's affectionshow you raised
her hopes on high （don't cry； my loveBasingstoke； you know）；
only to trample them in the dust when they were at the very
zenith of their fullness。 Oh fie； sir； fieshe trusted you！
ROB。 Did she？ What a scoundrel I must have been！ There；
theredon't cry； my dear （to Margaret； who is sobbing on Robin's
breast）； it's all right now。 Birmingham； you knowBirmingham