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When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more
wary at；
And when I know precisely what is meant by
〃commissariat〃；
When I have learnt what progress has been made in
modern gunnery；
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery…
…
In short； when I've a smattering of elemental strategy；
You'll say a better Major…General has never sat a gee。
ALL： You'll say a better Major…General； etc。
GENERAL： For my military knowledge； though I'm plucky and
adventury；
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the
century；
But still； in matters vegetable； animal； and mineral；
I am the very model of a modern Major…General。
ALL： But still； in matters vegetable； animal； and mineral；
He is the very model of a modern Major…General。
GENERAL： And now that I've introduced myself； I should like to
have some idea of what's going on。
KATE： Oh； Papa we…
SAMUEL： Permit me； I'll explain in two words： we propose to
marry your daughters。
GENERAL： Dear me！
GIRLS： Against our wills； Papaagainst our wills！
GENERAL： Oh； but you mustn't do that！ May I ask this is a
picturesque uniform； but I'm not familiar with it。
What are you？
KING： We are all single gentlemen。
GENERAL： Yes； I gathered that。 Anything else？
KING： No； nothing else。
EDITH： Papa； don't believe them； they are pirates the
famous Pirates of Penzance！
GENERAL： The Pirates of Penzance！ I have often heard of them。
MABEL： All except this gentleman （indicating FREDERIC）； who
was a pirate once； but who is out of his indentures to…
day； and who means to lead a blameless life evermore。
GENERAL： But wait a bit。 I object to pirates as sons…in…law。
KING： We object to major…generals as fathers…in…law。 But we
waive that point。 We do not press it。 We look over it。
GENERAL： （aside） Hah！ an idea！ （aloud） And do you mean to say
that you would deliberately rob me of these； the sole
remaining props of my old age； and leave me to go
through the remainder of my life unfriended；
unprotected； and alone？
KING： Well； yes； that's the idea。
GENERAL： Tell me； have you ever known what it is to be an
orphan？
PIRATES： （disgusted） Oh； dash it all！
KING： Here we are again！
GENERAL： I ask you； have you ever known what it is to be an
orphan？
KING： Often！
GENERAL： Yes； orphan。 Have you ever known what it is to be one？
KING： I say； often。
ALL： （disgusted） Often； often； often。 （Turning away）
GENERAL： I don't think we quite understand one another。 I ask
you； have you ever known what it is to be an orphan；
and you say 〃orphan〃。 As I understand you； you are
merely repeating the word 〃orphan〃 to show that you
understand me。
KING： I didn't repeat the word often。
GENERAL： Pardon me； you did indeed。
KING： I only repeated it once。
GENERAL： True； but you repeated it。
KING： But not often。
GENERAL： Stop！ I think I see where we are getting confused。
When you said 〃orphan〃； did you mean 〃orphan〃；a person
who has lost his parents； or 〃often〃； frequently？
KING： Ah！ I beg pardon I see what you mean frequently。
GENERAL： Ah！ you said 〃often〃； frequently。
KING： No； only once。
GENERAL： （irritated） Exactly you said 〃often〃； frequently；
only once。
FINALE OF ACT I
GENERAL： Oh； men of dark and dismal fate；
Forgo your cruel employ；
Have pity on my lonely state；
I am an orphan boy！
KING/SAMUEL： An orphan boy？
GENERAL： An orphan boy！
PIRATES： How sad； an orphan boy。
GENERAL： These children whom you see
Are all that I can call my own！
PIRATES： Poor fellow！
GENERAL： Take them away from me；
And I shall be indeed alone。
PIRATES： Poor fellow！
GENERAL： If pity you can feel；
Leave me my sole remaining joy
See； at your feet they kneel；
Your hearts you cannot steel
Against the sad； sad tale of the lonely orphan boy！
PIRATES： （sobbing） Poor fellow！
See at our feet they kneel；
Our hearts we cannot steel
Against the sad； sad tale of the lonely orphan boy！
SAMUEL： The orphan boy！
add KING： The orphan boy！
See at our feet they kneel；
Our hearts we cannot steel
Against the tale of the lonely orphan boy！
PIRATES： Poor fellow！
ENSEMBLE
GENERAL （aside） GIRLS （aside） PIRATES
（aside）
I'm telling a terrible He is telling a terrible If he's telling
a
story story； terrible
story
But it doesn't diminish Which will tend to He shall die by
a death
my glory； diminish his that is gory
For they would have glory； Yes； one of the
taken my daughters Though they would have cruellest
Over the billowy waters； taken his slaughters
daughters That ever were
known in
Over the billowy waters； these
waters；
If I hadn't； in elegant It is easy； in elegant It is easy； in
elegant
diction； diction。 diction；
Indulged in an innocent To call it an innocent To call it an
innocent
fiction； fiction； fiction
Which is not in the same But it comes in the same But it comes in
the same
category category category
As a regular terrible As telling a regular As telling a
regular
story。 terrible story。 terrible
story。
KING： Although our dark career
Sometimes involves the crime of stealing；
We rather think that we're
Not altogether void of feeling。
Although we live by strife；
We're always sorry to begin it；
For what； we ask； is life
Without a touch of Poetry in it？
（all kneel）
ALL： Hail； Poetry； thou heav'n…born maid！
Thou gildest e'en the pirate's trade。
Hail； flowing fount of sentiment！
All hail； all hail； divine emollient！
（all rise）
KING： You may go； for you're at liberty； our pirate rules
protect you；
And honorary members of our band we do elect you！
SAMUEL： For he is an orphan boy！
CHORUS： He is！ Hurrah for the orphan boy！
GENERAL： And it sometimes is a useful thing
To be an orphan boy。
CHORUS： It is！ Hurrah for the orphan boy！
Hurrah for the orphan boy！
ENSEMBLE： Oh； happy day； with joyous glee
They will away and married be！
Should it befall auspiciously；
Her （Our） sisters all will bridesmaids be！
（RUTH enters and comes down to FREDERIC）
RUTH： Oh； master； hear one word； I do implore you！
Remember Ruth； your Ruth； who kneels before you！
PIRATES： Yes； yes； remember Ruth； who kneels before you！
FREDERIC： Away； you did deceive me！
PIRATES： （Threatening RUTH） Away； you did deceive him！
RUTH： Oh； do not leave me！
PIRATES： Oh； do