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POOH。 True； it could be argued six months hence； before the
full Court。
KO。 Besides； I don't see how a man can cut off his own
head。
POOH。 A man might try。
PISH。 Even if you only succeeded in cutting it half off；
that would be something。
POOH。 It would be taken as an earnest of your desire to
comply with the Imperial will。
KO。 No。 Pardon me； but there I am adamant。 As official
Headsman； my reputation is at stake； and I can't consent to
embark on a professional operation unless I see my way to a
successful result。
POOH。 This professional conscientiousness is highly
creditable to you； but it places us in a very awkward position。
KO。 My good sir； the awkwardness of your position is grace
itself compared with that of a man engaged in the act of cutting
off his own head。
PISH。 I am afraid that； unless you can obtain a substitute
KO。 A substitute？ Oh； certainlynothing easier。 （To
Pooh…Bah。） Pooh…Bah； I appoint you Lord High Substitute。
POOH。 I should be delighted。 Such an appointment would
realize my fondest dreams。 But no； at any sacrifice； I must set
bounds to my insatiable ambition！
TRIO
Ko…Ko Pooh…Bah Pish…Tush
My brain it teams I am so proud； I heard one
day
With endless schemes If I allowed A gentleman
say
Both good and new My family pride That criminals
who
For Titipu； To be my guide； Are cut in two
But if I flit； I'd volunteer Can hardly
feel
The benefit To quit this sphere The fatal
steel；
That I'd diffuse Instead of you And so are
slain
The town would lose！ In a minute or two； Without much
pain。
Now every man But family pride If this is
true；
To aid his clan Must be denied； It's jolly for
you；
Should plot and plan And set aside； Your courage
screw
As best he can； And mortified。 To bid us
adieu；
And so； And so； And go
Although Although And show
I'm ready to go； I wish to go； Both friend
and foe
Yet recollect And greatly pine How much you
dare。
'Twere disrespect To brightly shine； I'm quite
aware
Did I neglect And take the line It's your
affair；
To thus effect Of a hero fine； Yet I declare
This aim direct； With grief condign I'd take your
share；
So I object I must decline But I don't
much care
So I object I must decline I don't much
care
So I object I must decline I don't much
care
ALL。 To sit in solemn silence in a dull； dark dock；
In a pestilential prison； with a life…long lock；
Awaiting the sensation of a short； sharp shock；
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block！
＇Exeunt Pooh。
and Pish。
KO。 This is simply appalling！ I； who allowed myself to be
respited at the last moment； simply in order to benefit my native
town； am now required to die within a month； and that by a man
whom I have loaded with honours！ Is this public gratitude？ Is
this… （Enter Nanki…Poo； with a rope in his hands。） Go away；
sir！ How dare you？ Am I never to be permitted to soliloquize？
NANK。 Oh； go ondon't mind me。
KO。 What are you going to do with that rope？
NANK。 I am about to terminate an unendurabIe existence。
KO。 Terminate your existence？ Oh； nonsense！ What for？
NANK。 Because you are going to marry the girl I adore。
KO。 Nonsense； sir。 I won't permit it。 I am a humane man；
and if you attempt anything of the kind I shall order your
instant arrest。 Come； sir； desist at once or I summon my guard。
NANK。 That's absurd。 If you attempt to raise an alarm； I
instantly perform the Happy Despatch with this dagger。
KO。 No； no； don't do that。 This is horrible！ （Suddenly。）
Why； you cold…blooded scoundrel； are you aware that； in taking
your life； you are committing a crime whichwhichwhich is
Oh！ （Struck by an idea。） Substitute！
NANK。 What's the matter？
KO。 Is it absolutely certain that you are resolved to die？
NANK。 Absolutely！
KO。 Will nothing shake your resolution？
NANK。 Nothing。
KO。 Threats； entreaties； prayersall useless？
NANK。 All！ My mind is made up。
KO。 Then； if you really mean what you say； and if you are
absolutely resolved to die； and if nothing whatever will shake
your determinationdon't spoil yourself by committing suicide；
but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the Public
Executioner！
NANK。 I don't see how that would benefit me。
KO。 You don't？ Observe： you'll have a month to live； and
you'll live like a fighting…cock at my expense。 When the day
comes there'll be a grand public ceremonialyou'll be the
central figureno one will attempt to deprive you of that
distinction。 There'll be a processionbandsdead marchbells
tollingall the girls in tearsYum…Yum distractedthen； when
it's all over； general rejoicings； and a display of fireworks in
the evening。 You won't see them； but they'll be there all the
same。
NANK。 Do you think Yum…Yum would really be distracted at my
death？
KO。 I am convinced of it。 Bless you； she's the most
tender…hearted little creature alive。
NANK。 I should be sorry to cause her pain。 Perhaps； after
all； if I were to withdraw from Japan； and travel in Europe for a
couple of years； I might contrive to forget her。
KO。 Oh； I don't think you could forget Yum…Yum so easily；
and； after all； what is more miserable than a love…blighted life？
NANK。 True。
KO。 Life without Yum…Yumwhy； it seems absurd！
NANK。 And yet there are a good many people in the world who
have to endure it。
KO。 Poor devils； yes！ You are quite right not to be of
their number。
NANK。 （suddenly）。 I won't be of their number！
KO。 Noble fellow！
NANK。 I'll tell you how we'll manage it。 Let me marry
Yum…Yum to…morrow； and in a month you may behead me。
KO。 No； no。 I draw the line at Yum…Yum。
NANK。 Very good。 If you can draw the line； so can I。
（Preparing rope。）
KO。 Stop； stoplisten one momentbe reasonable。 How can
I consent to your marrying Yum…Yum if I'm going to marry her
myself？
NANK。 My good friend； she'll be a widow in a month； and you
can marry her then。
KO。 That's true； of course。 I quite see that。 But； dear
me！ my position during the next month will be most
unpleasantmost unpleasant。
NANK。 Not half so unpleasant as my position at the end of
it。
KO。 Butdear me！wellI agreeafter all； it's only
putting off my wedding for a month。 But you won't prejudice her
against me； will you？ You see； I've educated her to be my wife；
she's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man。 Now I
shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed。
NANK。 Trust me； she shall never learn the truth from me。
FINALE。
Enter Chorus； Pooh…Bah； and Pish…Tush。
CHORUS。
With aspect stern
And gloomy stride；
We come to learn
How you decide。
Don't hesitate
Your choice to name；
A dreadful fate
You'll suffer all the same。
POOH。 To