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struggle hard to overcome this defect。 I mortify my pride
continually。 When all the great officers of State resigned in a
body because they were too proud to serve under an ex…tailor； did
I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once？
PISH。 And the salaries attached to them？ You did。
POOH。 It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this
upstart as First Lord of the Treasury； Lord Chief Justice；
Commander…in…Chief； Lord High Admiral； Master of the Buckhounds；
Groom of the Back Stairs； Archbishop of Titipu； and Lord Mayor；
both acting and elect； all rolled into one。 And at a salary！ A
Pooh…Bah paid for his services！ I a salaried minion！ But I do
it！ It revolts me； but I do it！
NANK。 And it does you credit。
POOH。 But I don't stop at that。 I go and dine with
middle…class people on reasonable terms。 I dance at cheap
suburban parties for a moderate fee。 I accept refreshment at any
hands； however lowly。 I also retail State secrets at a very low
figure。 For instance； any further information about Yum…Yum
would come under the head of a State secret。 （Nanki…Poo takes his
hint； and gives him money。） （Aside。） Another insult and； I
think； a light one！
SONGPOOH…BAH with NANKI…POO and PISH…TUSH。
Young man； despair；
Likewise go to；
Yum…Yum the fair
You must not woo。
It will not do：
I'm sorry for you；
You very imperfect ablutioner！
This very day
From school Yum…Yum
Will wend her way；
And homeward come；
With beat of drum
And a rum…tum…tum；
To wed the Lord High executioner！
And the brass will crash；
And the trumpets bray；
And they'll cut a dash
On their wedding day。
She'll toddle away； as all aver；
With the Lord High Executioner '
NANK。 and POOH。 And the brass will crash； etc。
It's a hopeless case；
As you may see；
And in your place
Away I'd flee；
But don't blame me
I'm sorry to be
Of your pleasure a diminutioner。
They'll vow their pact
Extremely soon；
In point of fact
This afternoon。
Her honeymoon
With that buffoon
At seven commences； so you shun her！
ALL。 And the brass will crash； etc。
＇Exit
Pish…Tush。
RECIT。NANKI…POO and POOH…BAH。
NANK。 And I have journeyed for a month； or nearly；
To learn that Yum…Yum； whom I love so dearly；
This day to Ko…Ko is to be united！
POOH。 The fact appears to be as you've recited：
But here he comes； equipped as suits his station；
He'll give you any further information。
＇Exeunt Pooh…Bah and
Nanki…Poo。
Enter Chorus of Nobles。
Behold the Lord High Executioner
A personage of noble rank and title
A dignified and potent officer；
Whose functions are particularly vital！
Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner！
Enter Ko…Ko attended。
SOLOKO…KO。
Taken from the county jail
By a set of curious chances；
Liberated then on bail；
On my own recognizances；
Wafted by a favouring gale
As one sometimes is in trances；
To a height that few can scale；
Save by long and weary dances；
Surely； never had a male
Under such like circumstances
So adventurous a tale；
Which may rank with most romances。
CHORUS。 Defer； defer；
To the Lord High Executioner； etc。
KO。 Gentlemen； I'm much touched by this reception。 I can
only trust that by strict attention to duty I shall ensure a
continuance of those favours which it will ever be my study to
deserve。 If I should ever be called upon to act professionally；
I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in finding
plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at
large。
SONGKO…KO with CHORUS OF MEN。
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found；
I've got a little listI've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground；
And who never would be missedwho never would be missed！
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs
All children who are up in dates； and floor you with 'em flat
All persons who in shaking hands； shake hands with you like
that
And all third persons who on spoiling ttettes insist
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed！
CHORUS。 He's got 'em on the listhe's got 'em on the list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed。
There's the banjo serenader； and the others of his race；
And the piano…organistI've got him on the list！
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face；
They never would be missedthey never would be missed！
Then the idiot who praises； with enthusiastic tone；
All centuries but this； and every country but his own；
And the lady from the provinces； who dresses like a guy；
And who 〃doesn't think she waltzes； but would rather like to
try〃；
And that singular anomaly； the lady novelist
I don't think she'd be missedI'm sure she'd not he missed！
CHORUS。 He's got her on the listhe's got her on the list；
And I don't think she'll be missedI'm sure
she'll not be missed！
And that Nisi Prius nuisance； who just now is rather rife；
The Judicial humoristI've got him on the list！
All funny fellows； comic men； and clowns of private life
They'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be missed。
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind；
Such asWhat d'ye call himThing'em…bob； and
likewiseNever…mind；
And 'St'st'stand What's…his…name； and also You…know…who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you。
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list；
For they'd none of 'em be missedthey'd none of 'em be
missed！
CHORUS。 You may put 'em on the listyou may put 'em on the
list；
And they'll none of 'em be missedthey'll none of
'em be missed！
Enter Pooh…Bah。
KO。 Pooh…Bah； it seems that the festivities in connection
with my approaching marriage must last a week。 I should like to
do it handsomely； and I want to consult you as to the amount I
ought to spend upon them。
POOH。 Certainly。 In which of my capacities？ As First Lord
of the Treasury； Lord Chamberlain； Attorney General； Chancellor
of the Exchequer； Privy Purse； or Private Secretary？
KO。 Suppose we say as Private Secretary。
POOH。 Speaking as your Private Secretary； I should say
that； as the city will have to pay for it； don't stint yourself；
do it well。
KO。 Exactlyas the city will have to pay for it。 That is
your advice。
POOH。 As Private Secretary。 Of course you will understand
that； as Chancellor of the Exchequer； I am bound to see that due
economy is ob