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DUCH。 Your Majesty is surely unaware that directly your
Majesty's father came before the public he was applied for over
and over again。
DUKE。 My dear； Her Majesty's father was in the habit of
being applied for over and over againand very urgently applied
for； toolong before he was registered under the Limited
Liability Act。
RECITATIVEDUKE。
To help unhappy commoners； and add to their enjoyment；
Affords a man of noble rank congenial employment；
Of our attempts we offer you examples illustrative：
The work is light； and； I may add； it's most remunerative。
DUETDUKE and DUCHESS。
DUKE。 Small titles and orders
For Mayors and Recorders
I getand they're highly delighted
DUCH。 They're highly delighted！
DUKE。 M。P。's baronetted；
Sham Colonels gazetted；
And second…rate Aldermen knighted
DUCH。 Yes； Aldermen knighted。
DUKE。 Foundation…stone laying
I find very paying：
It adds a large sum to my makings
DUCH。 Large sums to his makings。
DUKE。 At charity dinners
The best of speech…spinners；
I get ten per cent on the takings
DUCH。 One…tenth of the takings。
DUCH。 I present any lady
Whose conduct is shady
Or smacking of doubtful propriety
DUKE。 Doubtful propriety。
DUCH。 When Virtue would quash her；
I take and whitewash her；
And launch her in first…rate society
DUKE。 First…rate society！
DUCH。 I recommend acres
Of clumsy dressmakers
Their fit and their finishing touches
DUKE。 Their finishing touches。
DUCH。 A sum in addition
They pay for permission
To say that they make for the Duchess
DUKE。 They make for the Duchess！
DUKE。 Those pressing prevailers；
The ready…made tailors；
Quote me as their great double…barrel
DUCH。 Their great double…barrel
DUKE。 I allow them to do so；
Though Robinson Crusoe
Would jib at their wearing apparel
DUCH。 Such wearing apparel！
DUKE。 I sit； by selection；
Upon the direction
Of several Companies bubble
DUCH。 All Companies bubble！
DUKE。 As soon as they're floated
I'm freely bank…noted
I'm pretty well paid for my trouble
DUCH。 He's paid for his trouble！
DUCH。 At middle…class party
I play at ecarte
And I'm by no means a beginner
DUKE （significantly）。 She's not a beginner。
DUCH。 To one of my station
The remuneration
Five guineas a night and my dinner
DUKE。 And wine with her dinner。
DUCH。 I write letters blatant
On medicines patent
And use any other you mustn't
DUKE。 Believe me； you mustn't
DUCH。 And vow my complexion
Derives its perfection
From somebody's soapwhich it doesn't
DUKE。 （significantly）。 It certainly doesn't！
DUKE。 We're ready as witness
To any one's fitness
To fill any place or preferment
DUCH。 A place or preferment。
DUCH。 We're often in waiting
At junket or feting；
And sometimes attend an interment
DUKE。 We enjoy an interment。
BOTH。 In short； if you'd kindle
The spark of a swindle；
Lure simpletons into your clutches
Yes； into your clutches。
Or hoodwink a debtor；
You cannot do better
DUCH。 Than trot out a Duke or a Duchess
DUKE。 A Duke or a Duchess！
（Enter Marco and Giuseppe。）
DUKE。 Ah！ Their Majesties。 Your Majesty！ （Bows with
great ceremony。）
MAR。 The Duke of Plaza…Toro； I believe？
DUKE。 The same。 （Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands
with him。 The Duke bows ceremoniously。 They endeavour to
imitate him。） Allow me to present
GIU。 The young lady one of us married？
（Marco and Giuseppe offer to shake hands with her。 Casilda
curtsies formally。 They endeavour to imitate her。）
CAS。 Gentlemen； I am the most obedient servant of one of
you。 （Aside。） Oh； Luiz！
DUKE。 I am now about to address myself to the gentleman
whom my daughter married； the other may allow his attention to
wander if he likes； for what I am about to say does not concern
him。 Sir； you will find in this young lady a combination of
excellences which you would search for in vain in any young lady
who had not the good fortune to be my daughter。 There is some
little doubt as to which of you is the gentleman I am addressing；
and which is the gentleman who is allowing his attention to
wander； but when that doubt is solved； I shall say （still
addressing the attentive gentleman）； 〃Take her； and may she make
you happier than her mother has made me。〃
DUCH。 Sir！
DUKE。 If possible。 And now there is a little matter to
which I think I am entitled to take exception。 I come here in
state with Her Grace the Duchess and Her Majesty my daughter； and
what do I find？ Do I find； for instance； a guard of honour to
receive me？ No！
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 The town illuminated？ No！
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 Refreshment provided？ No！
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 A Royal salute fired？ No！
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 Triumphal arches erected？ No！
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 The bells set ringing？
MAR。 and GIU。 No。
DUKE。 Yesonethe Visitors'； and I rang it myself。 It is
not enough！ It is not enough！
GIU。 Upon my honour； I'm very sorry； but you see； I was
brought up in a gondola； and my ideas of politeness are confined
to taking off my cap to my passengers when they tip me。
DUCH。 That's all very well in its way； but it is not
enough。
GIU。 I'll take off anything else in reason。
DUKE。 But a Royal Salute to my daughterit costs so
little。
CAS。 Papa； I don't want a salute。
GIU。 My dear sir； as soon as we know which of us is
entitled to take that liberty she shall have as many salutes as
she likes。
MAR。 As for guards of honour and triumphal arches； you
don't know our peoplethey wouldn't stand it。
GIU。 They are very off…hand with usvery off…hand indeed。
DUKE。 Oh； but you mustn't allow thatyou must keep them in
proper discipline； you must impress your Court with your
importance。 You want deportmentcarriage
GIU。 We've got a carriage。
DUKE。 Mannerdignity。 There must be a good deal of this
sort of thing（business）and a little of this sort of
thing（business）and possibly just a Soupcon of this sort of
thing！（business）and so on。 Oh； it's very useful； and most
effective。 Just attend to me。 You are a KingI am a subject。
Very good
（Gavotte。）
DUKE； DUCHESS； CASILDA； MARCO； GIUSEPPE。
DUKE。 I am a courtier grave and serious
Who is about to kiss your hand：
Try to combine a pose imperious
With a demeanour nobly bland。
MAR。 and Let us combine a