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knowing it。 I am told that in the language of that great
and pure nation； strong expressions do not exist； conse…
quently when I want to let off steam I have no
alternative
but to say； 〃Lalabalele molola lililah kallalale poo！〃
Calynx： But what is your grievance？
Tarara： Thisby our Constitution we are governed by a Despot
who；
although in theory absoluteis； in practice； nothing of
the
kindbeing watched day and night by two Wise Men whose
duty
it is； on his very first lapse from political or social
propriety； to denounce him to me； the Public Exploder；
and
it then becomes my duty to blow up His Majesty with
dynamiteallow me。 （Presenting a cracker which Calynx
pulls。） Thank youand； as some compensation to my
wounded
feelings； I reign in his stead。
Calynx： Yes。 After many unhappy experiments in the direction of
an
ideal Republic； it was found that what may be described
as a
Despotism tempered by Dynamite provides； on the whole；
the
most satisfactory description of ruleran autocrat who
dares not abuse his autocratic power。
Tarara： That's the theorybut in practice； how does it act？
Now；
do you ever happen to see the Palace Peeper？ （producing
a
〃Society〃 paper）。
Calynx： Never even heard of the journal。
Tarara： I'm not surprised； because His Majesty's agents always
buy
up the whole edition； but I have an aunt in the
publishing
department； and she has supplied me with a copy。 Well；
it
actually teems with circumstantially convincing details
of
the King's abominable immoralities！ If this high…class
journal may be believed； His Majesty is one of the most
Heliogabalian profligates that ever disgraced an
autocratic
throne！ And do these Wise Men denounce him to me？ Not
a
bit of it！ They wink at his immoralities！ Under the
cir…
cumstances I really think I am justified in exclaiming
〃Lalabelele molola lililah kalabalale poo！〃 （All horri…
fied。） I don't carethe occasion demands it。 （Exit
Tarara）
（March。 Enter Guard； escorting Scaphio and Phantis。）
CHORUS。
O make way for the Wise Men！
They are the prizemen
Double…first in the world's university！
For though lovely this island
（Which is my land）；
She has no one to match them in her city。
They're the pride of Utopia
Cornucopia
Is each his mental fertility。
O they make no blunder；
And no wonder；
For they're triumphs of infallibility。
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
In every mental lore
（The statement smacks of vanity）
We claim to rank before
The wisest of humanity。
As gifts of head and heart
We wasted on 〃utility；〃
We're 〃cast〃 to play a part
Of great responsibility。
Our duty is to spy
Upon our King's illicites；
And keep a watchful eye
On all his eccentricities。
If ever a trick he tries
That savours of rascality；
At our decree he dies
Without the least formality。
We fear no rude rebuff；
Or newspaper publicity；
Our word is quite enough；
The rest is electricity。
A pound of dynamite
Explodes in his auriculars；
It's not a pleasant sight
We'll spare you the particulars。
Its force all men confess；
The King needs no admonishing
We may say its success
Is something quite astonishing。
Our despot it imbues
With virtues quite delectable；
He minds his P's and Q's；
And keeps himself respectable。
Of a tyrant polite
He's paragon quite。
He's as modest and mild
In his ways as a child；
And no one ever met
With an autocrat yet；
So delightfully bland
To the least in the land！
So make way for the wise men； etc。
（Exeunt all but Scaphio and Phantis。 Phantis is pensive。）
Scaphio： Phantis； you are not in your customary exuberant spirits。
What is wrong？
Phantis： Scaphio； I think you once told me that you have never
loved？
Scaphio： Never！ I have often marvelled at the fairy influence
which
weaves its rosy web about the faculties of the greatest
and
wisest of our race； but I thank Heaven I have never been
subjected to its singular fascination。 For； oh； Phantis！
there is that within me that tells me that when my time
does
come； the convulsion will be tremendous！ When I love； it
will be with the accumulated fervor of sixty…six years！
But
I have an ideala semi…transparent Being； filled with an
inorganic pink jellyand I have never yet seen the woman
who approaches within measurable distance of it。 All are
opaqueopaqueopaque！
Phantis： Keep that ideal firmly before you； and love not until you
find her。 Though but fifty…five； I am an old campaigner
in
the battle…fields of Love； and； believe me； it is better
to
be as you are； heart…free and happy； than as I
ameternally
racked with doubting agonies！ Scaphio； the Princess Zara
returns from England today！
Scaphio： My poor boy； I see it all。
Phantis： Oh！ Scaphio； she is so beautiful。 Ah！ you smile； for you
have never seen her。 She sailed for England three months
before you took office。
Scaphio： Now tell me； is your affection requited？
Phantis： I do not knowI am not sure。 Sometimes I think it is；
and
then come these torturing doubts！ I feel sure that she
does
not regard me with absolute indifference； for she could
never look at me without having to go to bed with a sick
headache。
Scaphio： That is surely something。 Come； take heart； boy！ you
are
young and beautiful。 What more could maiden want？
Phantis： Ah！ Scaphio； remember she returns from a land where every
youth is as a young Greek god； and where such beauty as
I
can boast is seen at every turn。
Scaphio： Be of good cheer！ Marry her； boy； if so your fancy
wills；
and be sure that love will come。
Phantis： （overjoyed） Then you will assist me in this？
Scaphio： Why； surely！ Silly one； what have you to fear？ We have
but
to say the word； and her father must consent。 Is he not
our
very slave？ Come； take heart。 I cannot bear to see you
sad。
Phantis： Now I may hope； indeed！ Scaphio； you have placed me on
the
very pinnacle of human joy！
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
Scaphio： Let all your doubts take wing
Our influence is great。
If Paramount our King
Presume to hesitate
Put on the screw；
And caution him
That he will rue
Disaster grim
That must ensue
To life and limb；
Should he pooh…pooh
This harmle