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constancy of the wife lies the germ of the mother's devotion； she
mistook this first test of marriage for life itself； and the
refractory child cursed life； unknown to me； nor daring to complain to
me； out of sheer modesty perhaps！ In so cruel a position she would be
defenceless against any man who stirred her deeply。And I； so wise a
judge as they sayI； who have a kind heart； but whose mind was
absorbedI understood too late these unwritten laws of the woman's
code； I read them by the light of the fire that wrecked my roof。 Then
I constituted my heart a tribunal by virtue of the law； for the law
makes the husband a judge： I acquitted my wife； and I condemned
myself。 But love took possession of me as a passion； the mean；
despotic passion which comes over some old men。 At this day I love the
absent Honorine as a man of sixty loves a woman whom he must possess
at any cost； and yet I feel the strength of a young man。 I have the
insolence of the old man and the reserve of a boy。My dear fellow；
society only laughs at such a desperate conjugal predicament。 Where it
pities a lover； it regards a husband as ridiculously inept； it makes
sport of those who cannot keep the woman they have secured under the
canopy of the Church； and before the Maire's scarf of office。 And I
had to keep silence。
〃 'Serizy is happy。 His indulgence allows him to see his wife； he can
protect and defend her； and； as he adores her； he knows all the
perfect joys of a benefactor whom nothing can disturb； not even
ridicule； for he pours it himself on his fatherly pleasures。 〃I remain
married only for my wife's sake；〃 he said to me one day on coming out
of court。
〃 'But II have nothing； I have not even to face ridicule； I who live
solely on a love which is starving！ I who can never find a word to say
to a woman of the world！ I who loathe prostitution！ I who am faithful
under a spell！But for my religious faith； I should have killed
myself。 I have defied the gulf of hard work； I have thrown myself into
it； and come out again alive； fevered； burning； bereft of sleep！'
〃I cannot remember all the words of this eloquent man； to whom passion
gave an eloquence indeed so far above that of the pleader that； as I
listened to him； I； like him； felt my cheeks wet with tears。 You may
conceive of my feelings when； after a pause； during which we dried
them away； he finished his story with this revelation：
〃 'This is the drama of my soul； but it is not the actual living drama
which is at this moment being acted in Paris！ The interior drama
interests nobody。 I know it； and you will one day admit that it is so；
you； who at this moment shed tears with me； no one can burden his
heart or his skin with another's pain。 The measure of our sufferings
is in ourselves。You even understand my sorrows only by very vague
analogy。 Could you see me calming the most violent frenzy of despair
by the contemplation of a miniature in which I can see and kiss her
brow； the smile on her lips； the shape of her face； can breathe the
whiteness of her skin； which enables me almost to feel； to play with
the black masses of her curling hair？Could you see me when I leap
with hopewhen I writhe under the myriad darts of despairwhen I
tramp through the mire of Paris to quell my irritation by fatigue？ I
have fits of collapse comparable to those of a consumptive patient；
moods of wild hilarity； terrors as of a murderer who meets a sergeant
of police。 In short； my life is a continual paroxysm of fears； joy；
and dejection。
〃 'As to the dramait is this。 You imagine that I am occupied with
the Council of State； the Chamber； the Courts； Politics。Why； dear
me； seven hours at night are enough for all that； so much are my
faculties overwrought by the life I lead！ Honorine is my real concern。
To recover my wife is my only study； to guard her in her cage； without
her suspecting that she is in my power； to satisfy her needs； to
supply the little pleasure she allows herself； to be always about her
like a sylph without allowing her to see or to suspect me； for if she
did； the future would be lost；that is my life； my true life。For
seven years I have never gone to bed without going first to see the
light of her night…lamp； or her shadow on the window curtains。
〃 'She left my house； choosing to take nothing but the dress she wore
that day。 The child carried her magnanimity to the point of folly！
Consequently； eighteen months after her flight she was deserted by her
lover； who was appalled by the cold； cruel； sinister； and revolting
aspect of povertythe coward！ The man had； no doubt； counted on the
easy and luxurious life in Switzerland or Italy which fine ladies
indulge in when they leave their husbands。 Honorine has sixty thousand
francs a year of her own。 The wretch left the dear creature expecting
an infant； and without a penny。 In the month of November 1820 I found
means to persuade the best /accoucheur/ in Paris to play the part of a
humble suburban apothecary。 I induced the priest of the parish in
which the Countess was living to supply her needs as though he were
performing an act of charity。 Then to hide my wife； to secure her
against discovery； to find her a housekeeper who would be devoted to
me and be my intelligent confidanteit was a task worthy of Figaro！
You may suppose that to discover where my wife had taken refuge I had
only to make up my mind to it。
〃 'After three months of desperation rather than despair； the idea of
devoting myself to Honorine with God only in my secret； was one of
those poems which occur only to the heart of a lover through life and
death！ Love must have its daily food。 And ought I not to protect this
child； whose guilt was the outcome of my imprudence； against fresh
disasterto fulfil my part； in short； as a guardian angel？At the
age of seven months her infant died； happily for her and for me。 For
nine months more my wife lay between life and death； deserted at the
time when she most needed a manly arm； but this arm；' said he； holding
out his own with a gesture of angelic dignity； 'was extended over her
head。 Honorine was nursed as she would have been in her own home。
When； on her recovery； she asked how and by whom she had been
assisted； she was told〃By the Sisters of Charity in the neighborhood
by the Maternity Societyby the parish priest； who took an interest
in her。〃
〃 'This woman； whose pride amounts to a vice； has shown a power of
resistance in misfortune； which on some evenings I call the obstinacy
of a mule。 Honorine was bent on earning her living。 My wife works！ For
five years past I have lodged her in the Rue Saint…Maur； in a charming
little house； where she makes artificial flowers and articles of
fashion。 She believes that she sells the product of her elegant
fancywork to a shop； where she is so well paid that she makes twenty
francs a day； and in these six years she had never had a moment's
suspicion。 She pays for everything she needs at about the third of its
value； so that on six thousand francs a year she lives as if she had
fifteen thousand。 She is devoted to flowers； and pays a hundred crowns
to a gardener； who costs me twelve hundred in wages； and sends me in a
bill for two thousand francs every three months。 I have promised the
man a market…garden with a house on it close to the porter's lodge in
the Rue Saint…Maur。 I hold this ground in the name of a clerk of the
law courts。 The smallest indiscretion would ruin the gardener's
prospects。 Honorine has her little house； a garden； and a splendid
hothouse； for a rent of five hundred francs a year。 There she lives
under the name of her housekeeper； Madame Gobain； the old woman of
impeccable discretion whom I was so lucky as to find； and whose
affection Honorine has won。 But her zeal； like that of the gardener；
is kept hot by the promise of reward at the moment of success。 The
porter and his wife cost me dreadfully dear for the same reasons。
However； for three years Honorine has been happy； believing that she
owes to her own toil all the luxury of flowers； dress； and comfort。
〃 'Oh！ I know what you are about to say；' cried the Count； seeing a
question in my eyes and on my lips。 'Yes； yes； I have made the