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you desire a holiday from my presence； you shall enjoy it； but if
it be not impertinent curiosity on the part of a husband； I should
like to know what you propose doing in my absence？〃
〃We will take that house at Folkestone；〃 answered Ethelbertha； 〃and
I'll go down there with Kate。 And if you want to do Clara Harris a
good turn；〃 added Ethelbertha； 〃you'll persuade Harris to go with
you； and then Clara can join us。 We three used to have some very
jolly times together before you men ever came along； and it would
be just delightful to renew them。 Do you think；〃 continued
Ethelbertha； 〃that you could persuade Mr。 Harris to go with you？〃
I said I would try。
〃There's a dear boy；〃 said Ethelbertha； 〃try hard。 You might get
George to join you。〃
I replied there was not much advantage in George's coming； seeing
he was a bachelor； and that therefore nobody would be much
benefited by his absence。 But a woman never understands satire。
Ethelbertha merely remarked it would look unkind leaving him
behind。 I promised to put it to him。
I met Harris at the Club in the afternoon； and asked him how he had
got on。
He said； 〃Oh； that's all right； there's no difficulty about getting
away。〃
But there was that about his tone that suggested incomplete
satisfaction； so I pressed him for further details。
〃She was as sweet as milk about it；〃 he continued； 〃said it was an
excellent idea of George's； and that she thought it would do me
good。〃
〃That seems all right；〃 I said； 〃what's wrong about that？〃
〃There's nothing wrong about that；〃 he answered； 〃but that wasn't
all。 She went on to talk of other things。〃
〃I understand；〃 I said。
〃There's that bathroom fad of hers；〃 he continued。
〃I've heard of it；〃 I said； 〃she has started Ethelbertha on the
same idea。〃
〃Well； I've had to agree to that being put in hand at once； I
couldn't argue any more when she was so nice about the other thing。
That will cost me a hundred pounds； at the very least。〃
〃As much as that？〃 I asked。
〃Every penny of it；〃 said Harris； 〃the estimate alone is sixty。〃
I was sorry to hear him say this。
〃Then there's the kitchen stove；〃 continued Harris； 〃everything
that has gone wrong in the house for the last two years has been
the fault of that kitchen stove。〃
〃I know；〃 I said。 〃We have been in seven houses since we were
married； and every kitchen stove has been worse than the last。 Our
present one is not only incompetent； it is spiteful。 It knows when
we are giving a party； and goes out of its way to do its worst。〃
〃WE are going to have a new one；〃 said Harris； but he did not say
it proudly。 〃Clara thought it would be such a saving of expense；
having the two things done at the same time。 I believe；〃 said
Harris； 〃if a woman wanted a diamond tiara； she would explain that
it was to save the expense of a bonnet。〃
〃How much do you reckon the stove is going to cost you？〃 I asked。
I felt interested in the subject。
〃I don't know；〃 answered Harris； 〃another twenty； I suppose。 Then
we talked about the piano。 Could you ever notice；〃 said Harris；
〃any difference between one piano and another？〃
〃Some of them seem to be a bit louder than others；〃 I answered；
〃but one gets used to that。〃
〃Ours is all wrong about the treble；〃 said Harris。 〃By the way；
what IS the treble？〃
〃It's the shrill end of the thing；〃 I explained； 〃the part that
sounds as if you'd trod on its tail。 The brilliant selections
always end up with a flourish on it。〃
〃They want more of it；〃 said Harris； 〃our old one hasn't got enough
of it。 I'll have to put it in the nursery； and get a new one for
the drawing…room。〃
〃Anything else？〃 I asked。
〃No；〃 said Harris； 〃she didn't seem able to think of anything
else。〃
〃You'll find when you get home；〃 I said； 〃she has thought of one
other thing。〃
〃What's that？〃 said Harris。
〃A house at Folkestone for the season。〃
〃What should she want a house at Folkestone for？〃 said Harris。
〃To live in；〃 I suggested； 〃during the summer months。〃
〃She's going to her people in Wales；〃 said Harris； 〃for the
holidays； with the children； we've had an invitation。〃
〃Possibly；〃 I said； 〃she'll go to Wales before she goes to
Folkestone； or maybe she'll take Wales on her way home； but she'll
want a house at Folkestone for the season； notwithstanding。 I may
be mistakenI hope for your sake that I ambut I feel a
presentiment that I'm not。〃
〃This trip；〃 said Harris； 〃is going to be expensive。〃
〃It was an idiotic suggestion；〃 I said； 〃from the beginning。〃
〃It was foolish of us to listen to him；〃 said Harris； 〃he'll get us
into real trouble one of these days。〃
〃He always was a muddler；〃 I agreed。
〃So headstrong；〃 added Harris。
We heard his voice at that moment in the hall； asking for letters。
〃Better not say anything to him；〃 I suggested； 〃it's too late to go
back now。〃
〃There would be no advantage in doing so；〃 replied Harris。 〃I
should have to get that bathroom and piano in any case now。〃
He came in looking very cheerful。
〃Well；〃 he said； 〃is it all right？ Have you managed it？〃
There was that about his tone I did not altogether like； I noticed
Harris resented it also。
〃Managed what？〃 I said。
〃Why； to get off；〃 said George。
I felt the time was come to explain things to George。
〃In married life；〃 I said； 〃the man proposes； the woman submits。
It is her duty； all religion teaches it。〃
George folded his hands and fixed his eyes on the ceiling。
〃We may chaff and joke a little about these things；〃 I continued；
〃but when it comes to practice； that is what always happens。 We
have mentioned to our wives that we are going。 Naturally； they are
grieved； they would prefer to come with us； failing that； they
would have us remain with them。 But we have explained to them our
wishes on the subject； andthere's an end of the matter。〃
George said； 〃Forgive me； I did not understand。 I am only a
bachelor。 People tell me this； that； and the other； and I listen。〃
I said； 〃That is where you do wrong。 When you want information
come to Harris or myself； we will tell you the truth about these
questions。〃
George thanked us； and we proceeded with the business in hand。
〃When shall we start？〃 said George。
〃So far as I am concerned；〃 replied Harris； 〃the sooner the
better。〃
His idea； I fancy； was to get away before Mrs。 H。 thought of other
things。 We fixed the following Wednesday。
〃What about route？〃 said Harris。
〃I have an idea；〃 said George。 〃I take it you fellows are
naturally anxious to improve your minds？〃
I said； 〃We don't want to become monstrosities。 To a reasonable
degree； yes； if it can be done without much expense and with little
personal trouble。〃
〃It can；〃 said George。 〃We know Holland and the Rhine。 Very well；
my suggestion is that we take the boat to Hamburg； see Berlin and
Dresden； and work our way to the Schwarzwald； through Nuremberg and
Stuttgart。〃
〃There are some pretty bits in Mesopotamia； so I've been told；〃
murmured Harris。
George said Mesopotamia was too much out of our way； but that the
Berlin…Dresden route was quite practicable。 For good or evil； he
persuaded us into it。
〃The machines； I suppose；〃 said George； 〃as before。 Harris and I
on the tandem； J。〃
〃I think not；〃 interrupted Harris； firmly。 〃You and J。 on the
tandem； I on the single。〃
〃All the same to me；〃 agreed George。 〃J。 and I on the tandem；
Harris〃
〃I do not mind taking my turn；〃 I interrupted； 〃but I am not going
to carry George ALL the way； the burden should be divided。〃
〃Very well；〃 agreed Harris； 〃we'll divide it。 But it must be on
the distinct understanding that he works。〃
〃That he what？〃 said George。
〃That he works；〃 repeated Harris； firmly； 〃at all events； uphill。〃
〃Great Scott！〃 said George； 〃don't you want ANY exercise？〃
There is always unpleasantness about this tandem。 It is the theory
of the man in front that the man behind does nothing； it is equally
the theory of the man behind that he alone is the motive power； the
man in front merely doing the puffing。 The mystery will never be
solved。 It is annoying when Prudence is whispering to you on the