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is where one would look for the majority of Harris's friends。 But
Harris did not get angry； he merely replied； quite mildly：
〃Well； it really is extraordinary； when one comes to think of it；
how many of them have gone that way sooner or later。 I get quite
nervous sometimes； now。〃
At the corner of the Wenzelsplatz； Harris； who was a few steps
ahead of us； paused。
〃It's a fine street； isn't it？〃 he said； sticking his hands in his
pockets； and gazing up at it admiringly。
George and I followed suit。 Two hundred yards away from us； in its
very centre； was the third of these ghostly statues。 I think it
was the best of the threethe most like； the most deceptive。 It
stood boldly outlined against the wild sky： the horse on its hind
legs； with its curiously attenuated tail； the man bareheaded；
pointing with his plumed hat to the now entirely visible moon。
〃I think； if you don't mind；〃 said Georgehe spoke with almost a
pathetic ring in his voice； his aggressiveness had completely
fallen from him；〃that I will have that cab； if there's one
handy。〃
〃I thought you were looking queer；〃 said Harris； kindly。 〃It's
your head； isn't it？〃
〃Perhaps it is；〃 answered George。
〃I have noticed it coining on；〃 said Harris； 〃but I didn't like to
say anything to you。 You fancy you see things； don't you？〃
〃No； no； it isn't that；〃 replied George； rather quickly。 〃I don't
know what it is。〃
〃I do；〃 said Harris； solemnly； 〃and I'll tell you。 It's this
German beer that you are drinking。 I have known a case where a
man〃
〃Don't tell me about him just now；〃 said George。 〃I dare say it's
true； but somehow I don't feel I want to hear about him。〃
〃You are not used to it；〃 said Harris。
〃I shall give it up from to…night；〃 said George。 〃I think you must
be right； it doesn't seem to agree with me。〃
We took him home； and saw him to bed。 He was very gentle and quite
grateful。
One evening later on； after a long day's ride； followed by a most
satisfactory dinner； we started him on a big cigar； and； removing
things from his reach； told him of this stratagem that for his good
we had planned。
〃How many copies of that statue did you say we saw？〃 asked George；
after we had finished。
〃Three；〃 replied Harris。
〃Only three？〃 said George。 〃Are you sure？〃
〃Positive；〃 replied Harris。 〃Why？〃
〃Oh； nothing！〃 answered George。
But I don't think he quite believed Harris。
From Prague we travelled to Nuremberg； through Carlsbad。 Good
Germans； when they die； go； they say； to Carlsbad； as good
Americans to Paris。 This I doubt； seeing that it is a small place
with no convenience for a crowd。 In Carlsbad； you rise at five；
the fashionable hour for promenade； when the band plays under the
Colonnade； and the Sprudel is filled with a packed throng over a
mile long； being from six to eight in the morning。 Here you may
hear more languages spoken than the Tower of Babel could have
echoed。 Polish Jews and Russian princes； Chinese mandarins and
Turkish pashas； Norwegians looking as if they had stepped out of
Ibsen's plays； women from the Boulevards； Spanish grandees and
English countesses； mountaineers from Montenegro and millionaires
from Chicago； you will find every dozen yards。 Every luxury in the
world Carlsbad provides for its visitors； with the one exception of
pepper。 That you cannot get within five miles of the town for
money； what you can get there for love is not worth taking away。
Pepper； to the liver brigade that forms four…fifths of Carlsbad's
customers； is poison； and； prevention being better than cure； it is
carefully kept out of the neighbourhood。 〃Pepper parties〃 are
formed in Carlsbad to journey to some place without the boundary；
and there indulge in pepper orgies。
Nuremberg； if one expects a town of mediaeval appearance；
disappoints。 Quaint corners； picturesque glimpses； there are in
plenty； but everywhere they are surrounded and intruded upon by the
modern； and even what is ancient is not nearly so ancient as one
thought it was。 After all； a town； like a woman； is only as old as
it looks； and Nuremberg is still a comfortable…looking dame； its
age somewhat difficult to conceive under its fresh paint and stucco
in the blaze of the gas and the electric light。 Still； looking
closely； you may see its wrinkled walls and grey towers。
CHAPTER IX
Harris breaks the lawThe helpful man： The dangers that beset
himGeorge sets forth upon a career of crimeThose to whom
Germany would come as a boon and a blessingThe English Sinner：
His disappointmentsThe German Sinner： His exceptional
advantagesWhat you may not do with your bedAn inexpensive vice…
…The German dog： His simple goodnessThe misbehaviour of the
beetleA people that go the way they ought to goThe German small
boy： His love of legalityHow to go astray with a perambulator
The German student： His chastened wilfulness。
All three of us； by some means or another； managed； between
Nuremberg and the Black Forest； to get into trouble。
Harris led off at Stuttgart by insulting an official。 Stuttgart is
a charming town； clean and bright； a smaller Dresden。 It has the
additional attraction of containing little that one need to go out
of one's way to see： a medium…sized picture gallery； a small
museum of antiquities； and half a palace； and you are through with
the entire thing and can enjoy yourself。 Harris did not know it
was an official he was insulting。 He took it for a fireman （it
looked liked a fireman）； and he called it a 〃dummer Esel。〃
In German you are not permitted to call an official a 〃silly ass；〃
but undoubtedly this particular man was one。 What had happened was
this： Harris in the Stadgarten； anxious to get out； and seeing a
gate open before him； had stepped over a wire into the street。
Harris maintains he never saw it； but undoubtedly there was hanging
to the wire a notice； 〃Durchgang Verboten！〃 The man； who was
standing near the gates stopped Harris； and pointed out to him this
notice。 Harris thanked him； and passed on。 The man came after
him； and explained that treatment of the matter in such off…hand
way could not be allowed； what was necessary to put the business
right was that Harris should step back over the wire into the
garden。 Harris pointed out to the man that the notice said 〃going
through forbidden；〃 and that； therefore； by re…entering the garden
that way he would be infringing the law a second time。 The man saw
this for himself； and suggested that to get over the difficulty
Harris should go back into the garden by the proper entrance； which
was round the corner； and afterwards immediately come out again by
the same gate。 Then it was that Harris called the man a silly ass。
That delayed us a day； and cost Harris forty marks。
I followed suit at Carlsruhe； by stealing a bicycle。 I did not
mean to steal the bicycle； I was merely trying to be useful。 The
train was on the point of starting when I noticed； as I thought；
Harris's bicycle still in the goods van。 No one was about to help
me。 I jumped into the van and hauled it out； only just in time。
Wheeling it down the platform in triumph； I came across Harris's
bicycle； standing against a wall behind some milk…cans。 The
bicycle I had secured was not Harris's； but some other man's。
It was an awkward situation。 In England； I should have gone to the
stationmaster and explained my mistake。 But in Germany they are
not content with your explaining a little matter of this sort to
one man： they take you round and get you to explain it to about
half a dozen； and if any one of the half dozen happens not to be
handy； or not to have time just then to listen to you； they have a
habit of leaving you over for the night to finish your explanation
the next morning。 I thought I would just put the thing out of
sight； and then； without making any fuss or show； take a short
walk。 I found a wood shed； which seemed just the very place； and
was wheeling the bicycle into it when； unfortunately； a red…hatted
railway official； with the airs of a retired field…marshal； caught
sight of me and came up。 He said：
〃What are you doing with that bicycle？〃
I said： 〃I am