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keeping perfect order in his class by the spell of that very
kindness。 I have heard him drift into reminiscences in class time；
though not for long； and give us glimpses of old…world life in out…
of…the…way English parishes when he was young； thus playing the
same part as Lindsay … the part of the surviving memory； signalling
out of the dark backward and abysm of time the images of perished
things。 But it was a part that scarce became him； he somehow
lacked the means： for all his silver hair and worn face； he was not
truly old； and he had too much of the unrest and petulant fire of
youth； and too much invincible innocence of mind； to play the
veteran well。 The time to measure him best； to taste （in the old
phrase） his gracious nature； was when he received his class at
home。 What a pretty simplicity would he then show； trying to amuse
us like children with toys； and what an engaging nervousness of
manner； as fearing that his efforts might not succeed！ Truly he
made us all feel like children； and like children embarrassed； but
at the same time filled with sympathy for the conscientious；
troubled elder…boy who was working so hard to entertain us。 A
theorist has held the view that there is no feature in man so tell…
tale as his spectacles； that the mouth may be compressed and the
brow smoothed artificially； but the sheen of the barnacles is
diagnostic。 And truly it must have been thus with Kelland； for as
I still fancy I behold him frisking actively about the platform；
pointer in hand； that which I seem to see most clearly is the way
his glasses glittered with affection。 I never knew but one other
man who had （if you will permit the phrase） so kind a spectacle；
and that was Dr。 Appleton。 But the light in his case was tempered
and passive； in Kelland's it danced； and changed； and flashed
vivaciously among the students； like a perpetual challenge to
goodwill。
I cannot say so much about Professor Blackie； for a good reason。
Kelland's class I attended； once even gained there a certificate of
merit； the only distinction of my University career。 But although
I am the holder of a certificate of attendance in the professor's
own hand； I cannot remember to have been present in the Greek class
above a dozen times。 Professor Blackie was even kind enough to
remark （more than once） while in the very act of writing the
document above referred to； that he did not know my face。 Indeed；
I denied myself many opportunities； acting upon an extensive and
highly rational system of truantry； which cost me a great deal of
trouble to put in exercise … perhaps as much as would have taught
me Greek … and sent me forth into the world and the profession of
letters with the merest shadow of an education。 But they say it is
always a good thing to have taken pains； and that success is its
own reward； whatever be its nature； so that； perhaps； even upon
this I should plume myself； that no one ever played the truant with
more deliberate care； and none ever had more certificates for less
education。 One consequence； however； of my system is that I have
much less to say of Professor Blackie than I had of Professor
Kelland； and as he is still alive； and will long； I hope； continue
to be so； it will not surprise you very much that I have no
intention of saying it。
Meanwhile； how many others have gone … Jenkin； Hodgson； and I know
not who besides； and of that tide of students that used to throng
the arch and blacken the quadrangle； how many are scattered into
the remotest parts of the earth； and how many more have lain down
beside their fathers in their 〃resting…graves〃！ And again； how
many of these last have not found their way there； all too early；
through the stress of education！ That was one thing； at least；
from which my truantry protected me。 I am sorry indeed that I have
no Greek； but I should be sorrier still if I were dead； nor do I
know the name of that branch of knowledge which is worth acquiring
at the price of a brain fever。 There are many sordid tragedies in
the life of the student； above all if he be poor； or drunken； or
both； but nothing more moves a wise man's pity than the case of the
lad who is in too much hurry to be learned。 And so； for the sake
of a moral at the end； I will call up one more figure； and have
done。 A student； ambitious of success by that hot； intemperate
manner of study that now grows so common； read night and day for an
examination。 As he went on； the task became more easy to him；
sleep was more easily banished； his brain grew hot and clear and
more capacious； the necessary knowledge daily fuller and more
orderly。 It came to the eve of the trial and he watched all night
in his high chamber； reviewing what he knew； and already secure of
success。 His window looked eastward； and being （as I said） high
up； and the house itself standing on a hill； commanded a view over
dwindling suburbs to a country horizon。 At last my student drew up
his blind； and still in quite a jocund humour； looked abroad。 Day
was breaking； the cast was tinging with strange fires； the clouds
breaking up for the coming of the sun； and at the sight； nameless
terror seized upon his mind。 He was sane； his senses were
undisturbed； he saw clearly； and knew what he was seeing； and knew
that it was normal； but he could neither bear to see it nor find
the strength to look away； and fled in panic from his chamber into
the enclosure of the street。 In the cool air and silence； and
among the sleeping houses； his strength was renewed。 Nothing
troubled him but the memory of what had passed； and an abject fear
of its return。
〃Gallo canente； spes redit；
Aegris salus refunditur；
Lapsis fides revertitur；〃
as they sang of old in Portugal in the Morning Office。 But to him
that good hour of cockcrow； and the changes of the dawn； had
brought panic； and lasting doubt； and such terror as he still shook
to think of。 He dared not return to his lodging； he could not eat；
he sat down； he rose up； he wandered； the city woke about him with
its cheerful bustle； the sun climbed overhead； and still he grew
but the more absorbed in the distress of his recollection and the
fear of his past fear。 At the appointed hour； he came to the door
of the place of examination； but when he was asked； he had
forgotten his name。 Seeing him so disordered； they had not the
heart to send him away； but gave him a paper and admitted him；
still nameless； to the Hall。 Vain kindness； vain efforts。 He
could only sit in a still growing horror； writing nothing； ignorant
of all； his mind filled with a single memory of the breaking day
and his own intolerable fear。 And that same night he was tossing
in a brain fever。
People are afraid of war and wounds and dentists； all with
excellent reason； but these are not to be compared with such
chaotic terrors of the mind as fell on this young man； and made him
cover his eyes from the innocent morning。 We all have by our
bedsides the box of the Merchant Abudah； thank God； securely enough
shut； but when a young man sacrifices sleep to labour； let him have
a care； for he is playing with the lock。
CHAPTER III。 OLD MORTALITY
I
THERE is a certain graveyard； looked upon on the one side by a
prison； on the other by the windows of a quiet hotel； below； under
a steep cliff； it beholds the traffic of many lines of rail； and
the scream of the engine and the shock of meeting buffers mount to
it all day long。 The aisles are lined with the inclosed sepulchres
of families； door beyond door； like houses in a street； and in the
morning the shadow of the prison turrets； and of many tall
memorials； fall upon the graves。 There； in the hot fits of youth；
I came to be unhappy。 Pleasant incidents are woven with my memory
of the place。 I here made