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further removed from instinct it were hard to fancy； and one is
even stirred to a certain impatience with a character so destitute
of spontaneity； so passionless in justice； and so priggishly
obedient to the voice of reason。
There are not many dogs like this good Coolin； and not many people。
But the type is one well marked； both in the human and the canine
family。 Gallantry was not his aim； but a solid and somewhat
oppressive respectability。 He was a sworn foe to the unusual and
the conspicuous； a praiser of the golden mean； a kind of city uncle
modified by Cheeryble。 And as he was precise and conscientious in
all the steps of his own blameless course； he looked for the same
precision and an even greater gravity in the bearing of his deity；
my father。 It was no sinecure to be Coolin's idol： he was exacting
like a rigid parent； and at every sign of levity in the man whom he
respected； he announced loudly the death of virtue and the
proximate fall of the pillars of the earth。
I have called him a snob； but all dogs are so； though in varying
degrees。 It is hard to follow their snobbery among themselves； for
though I think we can perceive distinctions of rank； we cannot
grasp what is the criterion。 Thus in Edinburgh； in a good part of
the town； there were several distinct societies or clubs that met
in the morning to … the phrase is technical … to 〃rake the backets〃
in a troop。 A friend of mine； the master of three dogs； was one
day surprised to observe that they had left one club and joined
another； but whether it was a rise or a fall； and the result of an
invitation or an expulsion； was more than he could guess。 And this
illustrates pointedly our ignorance of the real life of dogs； their
social ambitions and their social hierarchies。 At least； in their
dealings with men they are not only conscious of sex； but of the
difference of station。 And that in the most snobbish manner； for
the poor man's dog is not offended by the notice of the rich； and
keeps all his ugly feeling for those poorer or more ragged than his
master。 And again； for every station they have an ideal of
behaviour； to which the master； under pain of derogation； will do
wisely to conform。 How often has not a cold glance of an eye
informed me that my dog was disappointed； and how much more gladly
would he not have taken a beating than to be thus wounded in the
seat of piety！
I knew one disrespectable dog。 He was far liker a cat； cared
little or nothing for men； with whom he merely coexisted as we do
with cattle； and was entirely devoted to the art of poaching。 A
house would not hold him； and to live in a town was what he
refused。
He led； I believe； a life of troubled but genuine pleasure； and
perished beyond all question in a trap。 But this was an exception；
a marked reversion to the ancestral type； like the hairy human
infant。 The true dog of the nineteenth century； to judge by the
remainder of my fairly large acquaintance； is in love with
respectability。 A street…dog was once adopted by a lady。 While
still an Arab； he had done as Arabs do； gambolling in the mud；
charging into butchers' stalls； a cat…hunter； a sturdy beggar； a
common rogue and vagabond； but with his rise into society he laid
aside these inconsistent pleasures。 He stole no more； he hunted no
more cats； and conscious of his collar； he ignored his old
companions。 Yet the canine upper class was never brought to
recognise the upstart； and from that hour； except for human
countenance； he was alone。 Friendless； shorn of his sports and the
habits of a lifetime； he still lived in a glory of happiness；
content with his acquired respectability； and with no care but to
support it solemnly。 Are we to condemn or praise this self…made
dog？ We praise his human brother。 And thus to conquer vicious
habits is as rare with dogs as with men。 With the more part； for
all their scruple…mongering and moral thought； the vices that are
born with them remain invincible throughout； and they live all
their years； glorying in their virtues； but still the slaves of
their defects。 Thus the sage Coolin was a thief to the last； among
a thousand peccadilloes； a whole goose and a whole cold leg of
mutton lay upon his conscience； but Woggs； （7） whose soul's
shipwreck in the matter of gallantry I have recounted above； has
only twice been known to steal； and has often nobly conquered the
temptation。 The eighth is his favourite commandment。 There is
something painfully human in these unequal virtues and mortal
frailties of the best。 Still more painful is the bearing of those
〃stammering professors〃 in the house of sickness and under the
terror of death。 It is beyond a doubt to me that； somehow or
other； the dog connects together； or confounds； the uneasiness of
sickness and the consciousness of guilt。 To the pains of the body
he often adds the tortures of the conscience； and at these times
his haggard protestations form； in regard to the human deathbed； a
dreadful parody or parallel。
I once supposed that I had found an inverse relation between the
double etiquette which dogs obey； and that those who were most
addicted to the showy street life among other dogs were less
careful in the practice of home virtues for the tyrant man。 But
the female dog； that mass of carneying affectations； shines equally
in either sphere； rules her rough posse of attendant swains with
unwearying tact and gusto； and with her master and mistress pushes
the arts of insinuation to their crowning point。 The attention of
man and the regard of other dogs flatter （it would thus appear） the
same sensibility； but perhaps； if we could read the canine heart；
they would be found to flatter it in very different degrees。 Dogs
live with man as courtiers round a monarch； steeped in the flattery
of his notice and enriched with sinecures。 To push their favour in
this world of pickings and caresses is； perhaps； the business of
their lives； and their joys may lie outside。 I am in despair at
our persistent ignorance。 I read in the lives of our companions
the same processes of reason； the same antique and fatal conflicts
of the right against the wrong； and of unbitted nature with too
rigid custom； I see them with our weaknesses； vain； false；
inconstant against appetite； and with our one stalk of virtue；
devoted to the dream of an ideal； and yet； as they hurry by me on
the street with tail in air； or come singly to solicit my regard； I
must own the secret purport of their lives is still inscrutable to
man。 Is man the friend； or is he the patron only？ Have they
indeed forgotten nature's voice？ or are those moments snatched from
courtiership when they touch noses with the tinker's mongrel； the
brief reward and pleasure of their artificial lives？ Doubtless；
when man shares with his dog the toils of a profession and the
pleasures of an art； as with the shepherd or the poacher； the
affection warms and strengthens till it fills the soul。 But
doubtless； also； the masters are； in many cases； the object of a
merely interested cultus； sitting aloft like Louis Quatorze； giving
and receiving flattery and favour； and the dogs； like the majority
of men； have but foregone their true existence and become the dupes
of their ambition。
CHAPTER XIII。 A PENNY PLAIN AND TWOPENCE COLOURED
THESE words will be familiar to all students of Skelt's Juvenile
Drama。 That national monument； after having changed its name to
Park's； to Webb's； to Redington's； and last of all to Pollock's；
has now become； for the most part； a memory。 Some of its pillars；
like Stonehenge； are still afoot； the rest clean vanished。 It may
be the Museum numbers a full set； and Mr。 Ionides perhaps； or else
her gracious Majesty； may boast their great collections； but to the
plain priv