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the rough weather； and his rejoicing that the worst was probably over。
She ventured the hope that it was so； for she said that Mr。 Kenton had
about decided to keep on to Holland； and it seemed to her that they had
had enough of storms。 He said he was glad that they were going right on；
and then she modestly recurred to the earlier opinion he had given her
husband that it would be better to spend the rest of the summer in
Holland than to go to Italy； as if she wished to conform herself in the
wisdom of Mr。 Kenton's decision。 He repeated his conviction； and he said
that if he were in their place he should go to The Hague as soon as they
had seen Rotterdam； and make it their headquarters for the exploration of
the whole country。
〃You can't realize how little it is； you can get anywhere in an hour； the
difficulty is to keep inside of Holland when you leave any given point。
I envy you going there。〃
Mrs。 Kenton inferred that he was going to stop in France； but if it were
part of his closeness not to tell； it was part of her pride not to ask。
She relented when he asked if he might get a map of his and prove the
littleness of Holland from it； and in his absence she could not well
avoid saying to Ellen； 〃He seems very pleasant。〃
〃Yes； why not？〃 the girl asked。
〃I don't know。 Lottie is so against him。〃
〃He was very kind when you were all sick。〃
〃Well； you ought to know better than Lottie； you've seen him so much
more。〃 Ellen was silent； and her mother advanced cautiously； 〃I suppose
he is very cultivated。〃
〃How can I tell？ I'm not。〃
〃Why； Ellen； I think you are。 Very few girls have read so much。〃
〃Yes； but he wouldn't care if I were cultivated； Ha is like all the rest。
He would like to joke and laugh。 Well； I think that is nice； too； and I
wish I could do it。 But I never could； and now I can't try。 I suppose
he wonders what makes me such a dead weight on you all。〃
〃You know you're not that； Ellen！ You musn't let yourself be morbid。 It
hurts me to have you say such things。〃
〃Well； I should like to tell him why； and see what he would say。〃
〃Ellen！〃
〃Why not？ If he is a minister he must have thought about all kinds of
things。 Do you suppose he ever knew of a girl before who had been
through what I have？ Yes； I would like to know what he would really
say。〃
〃I know what he ought to say！ If he knew； he would say that no girl had
ever behaved more angelically。〃
〃Do you think he would？ Perhaps he would say that if I hadn't been so
proud and silly Here he comes！ Shall we ask him？〃
Breckon approached with his map； and her mother gasped； thinking how
terrible such a thing would be if it could be； Ellen smiled brightly up
at him。 〃Will you take my chair？ And then you can show momma your map。
I am going down；〃 and while he was still protesting she was gone。
〃Miss Kenton seems so much better than she did the first day；〃 he said；
as he spread the map out on his knees； and gave Mrs。 Kenton one end to
hold。
〃Yes；〃 the mother assented； as she bent over to look at it。
She followed his explanation with a surface sense； while her nether mind
was full of the worry of the question which Ellen had planted in it。
What would such a man think of what she had been through？ Or； rather；
how would he say to her the only things that in Mrs。 Kenton's belief he
could say？ How could the poor child ever be made to see it in the light
of some mind not colored with her family's affection for her？ An
immense； an impossible longing possessed itself of the mother's heart；
which became the more insistent the more frantic it appeared。 She
uttered 〃Yes〃 and 〃No〃 and 〃Indeed〃 to what he was saying； but all the
time she was rehearsing Ellen's story in her inner sense。 In the end she
remembered so little what had actually passed that her dramatic reverie
seemed the reality； and when she left him she got herself down to her
state…room； giddy with the shame and fear of her imaginary self…betrayal。
She wished to test the enormity； and yet not find it so monstrous； by
submitting the case to her husband； and she could scarcely keep back her
impatience at seeing Ellen instead of her father。
〃Momma； what have you been saying to Mr。 Breckon about me？〃
〃Nothing；〃 said Mrs。 Kenton； aghast at first； and then astonished to
realize that she was speaking the simple truth。 〃He said how much better
you were looking； but I don't believe I spoke a single word。 We were
looking at the map。〃
〃Very well；〃 Ellen resumed。 〃I have been thinking it all over； and now I
have made up my mind。〃
She paused； and her mother asked； tremulously； 〃About what； Ellen？〃
〃You know； momma。 I see all now。 You needn't be afraid that I care
anything about him now；〃 and her mother knew that she meant Bittridge；
〃or that I ever shall。 That's gone forever。 But it's gone；〃 she added；
and her mother quaked inwardly to hear her reason； 〃because the wrong and
the shame was all for mefor us。 That's why I can forgive it； and
forget。 If we had done anything； the least thing in the world； to
revenge ourselves； or to hurt him； thenDon't you see； momma？〃
〃I think I see； Ellen。〃
〃Then I should have to keep thinking about it； and what we had made him
suffer； and whether we hadn't given him some claim。 I don't wish ever to
think of him again。 You and poppa were so patient and forbearing； all
through； and I thank goodness now for everything you put up with； only I
wish I could have borne everything myself。〃
〃You had enough to bear；〃 Mrs。 Kenton said； in tender evasion。
〃I'm glad that I had to bear so much； for bearing it is what makes me
free now。〃 She went up to her mother and kissed her； and gazed into her
face with joyful； tearful looks that made her heart sink。
XIV。
Mrs。 Kenton did not rest till she had made sure from Lottie and Boyne
that neither of them had dropped any hint to Ellen of what happened to
Bittridge after his return to Tuskingum。 She did not explain to them why
she was so very anxious to know； but only charged them the more solemnly
not to let the secret； which they had all been keeping from Ellen； escape
them。
They promised； but Lottie said； 〃She's got to know it some time； and I
should think the sooner the better。〃
〃I will be judge of that； Lottie；〃 said her mother； and Boyne seized his
chance of inculpating her with his friend； Mr。 Pogis。 He said she was
carrying on awfully with him already； and an Englishman could not
understand； and Boyne hinted that he would presume upon her American
freedom。
〃Well； if he does； I'll get you to cowhide him； Boyne；〃 she retorted； and
left him fuming helplessly； while she went to give the young Englishman
an opportunity of resuming the flirtation which her mother had
interrupted。
With her husband Mrs。 Kenton found it practicable to be more explicit。
〃I haven't had such a load lifted off my heart since I don't know when。
It shows me what I've thought all along： that Ellen hasn't really cared
anything for that miserable thing since he first began going with Mrs。
Uphill a year ago。 When he wrote that letter to her in New York she
wanted to be sure she didn't； and when he offered himself and misbehaved
so to both of you； she was afraid that she and you were somehow to blame。
Now she's worked it out that no one else was wronged； and she is
satisfied。 It's made her feel free； as she says。 But； oh； dear me！〃
Mrs。 Kenton broke off； 〃I talk as if there was nothing to bind her； and
yet there is what poor Richard did！ What would she say if she knew that？
I have been cautioning Lottie and Boyne； but I know it will come out
somehow。 Do you think it's wise to keep it from her？ Hadn't we better
tell her？ Or shall we wait and see〃
Kenton would not allow to her or to himself that his hopes ran with hers；
love is not business with a man as it is with a woman； he feels it
indecorous and indelicate to count upon it openly； where she thinks it
simply a chance of life； to be considered like another。 All that Kenton
would say was； 〃 I see no reason for telling her just yet。 She will have
to know in due time。 But let her enjoy her freedom now。〃
〃Yes；〃 M