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how far he could go with her sad consciousness before she should be aware
that he was experimenting upon it。 He put this temptation from him； and
was in the enjoyment of a comfortable self…righteousness when it returned
in twofold power upon him with the coming of some cutlets which
capriciously varied the repast。
〃Ah； now； Miss Kenton； if you were to take pity on my helplessness！〃
〃Why； certainly！〃 She possessed herself of his plate； and began to cut
up the meat for him。 〃Am I making the bites too small？〃 she asked； with
an upward glance at him。
〃Well； I don't know。 Should you think so？〃 he returned； with a smile
that out…measured the morsels on the plate before her。
She met his laughing eyes with eyes that questioned his honesty； at first
sadly； and then indignantly。 She dropped the knife and fork upon the
plate and rose。
〃Oh； Miss Kenton！〃 he penitently entreated。
But she was down the slanting aisle and out of the reeling door before he
could decide what to do。
XI。
It seemed to Breckon that he had passed through one of those accessions
of temperament； one of those crises of natural man； to put it in the
terms of an older theology than he professed； that might justify him in
recurring to his original sense of his unfitness for his sacred calling；
as he would hardly ham called it： He had allowed his levity to get the
better of his sympathy； and his love of teasing to overpower that love of
helping which seemed to him his chief right and reason for being a
minister： To play a sort of poor practical joke upon that melancholy girl
（who was also so attractive） was not merely unbecoming to him as a
minister； it was cruel； it was vulgar； it was ungentlemanly。 He could
not say less than ungentlemanly； for that seemed to give him the only
pang that did him any good。 Her absolute sincerity had made her such an
easy prey that he ought to have shrunk from the shabby temptation in
abhorrence。
It is the privilege of a woman； whether she wills it or not； to put a man
who is in the wrong concerning her much further in the wrong than he
could be from his offence。 Breckon did not know whether he was suffering
more or less because he was suffering quite hopelessly； but he was sure
that he was suffering justly； and he was rather glad； if anything； that
he must go on suffering。 His first impulse had been to go at once to
Judge Kenton and own his wrong； and take the consequencesin fact；
invite them。 But Breckon forbore for two reasons： one； that he had
already appeared before the judge with the confession of having possibly
made an unclerical joke to his younger daughter； the other； that the
judge might not consider levity towards the elder so venial； and though
Breckon wished to be both punished and pardoned； in the final analysis；
perhaps； he most wished to be pardoned。 Without pardon he could see no
way to repair the wrong he had done。 Perhaps he wished even to retrieve
himself in the girl's eyes； or wished for the chance of trying。
Ellen went away to her state…room and sat down on the sofa opposite
Lottie； and she lost herself in a muse in which she was found by the
voice of the sufferer in the berth。
〃If you haven't got anything better to do than come in here and stare at
me； I wish you would go somewhere else and stare。 I can tell you it
isn't any joke。〃
〃I didn't know I was staring at you；〃 said Ellen； humbly。
〃It would be enough to have you rising and sinking there； without your
staring at all： If you're going to stay； I wish you'd lie down。 I don't
see why you're so well； anyway； after getting us all to come on this
wild…goose chase。〃
〃I know； I know；〃 Ellen strickenly deprecated。 〃But I'm not going to
stay。 I jest came for my things。〃
〃Is that giggling simpleton sick？ I hope he is！〃
〃Mr。 Breckon？〃 Ellen asked； though she knew whom Lottie meant。 〃No； he
isn't sick。 He was at lunch。〃
〃Was poppa？〃
〃He was at breakfast。〃
〃And momma？〃
〃She and Boyne are both in bed。 I don't know whether they're very sick。〃
〃Well； then； I'll just tell you what； Ellen Kenton！〃 Lottie sat up in
accusal。 〃You were staring at something he said； and the first thing we
all know it will be another case of Bittridge！〃 Ellen winced； but Lottie
had no pity。 〃You don't know it； because you don't know anything； and
I'm not blaming you； but if you let that simpletonI don't care if he is
a minister！go 'round with you when your family are all sick abed；
you'll be having the whole ship to look after you。〃
〃Be still； Lottie！〃 cried Ellen。 〃You are awful；〃 and； with a flaming
face； she escaped from the state…room。
She did not know where else to go； and she beat along the sides of the
corridor as far as the dining…saloon。 She had a dim notion of trying to
go up into the music…room above； but a glance at the reeling steep of the
stairs forbade。 With her wraps on her arm and her sea…cap in her hand；
she stood clinging to the rail…post。
Breckon came out of the saloon。 〃Oh； Miss Kenton；〃 he humbly entreated；
〃don't try to go on deck！ It's rougher than ever。〃
〃I was going to the music…room；〃 she faltered。
〃Let me help you； then；〃 he said again。 They mounted the gangway…steps；
but this time with his hand under her elbow； and his arm alert as before
in a suspended embrace against her falling。
She had lost the initiative of her earlier adventure； she could only
submit herself to his guidance。 But he almost outdid her in meekness；
when he got her safely placed in a corner whence she could not be easily
flung upon the floor。 〃You must have found it very stuffy below； but；
indeed； you'd better not try going out。〃
〃Do you think it isn't safe here？〃 she asked。
〃Oh yes。 As long as you keep quiet。 May I get you something to read？
They seem to have a pretty good little library。〃
They both glanced at the case of books； from which the steward…librarian
was setting them the example of reading a volume。
〃No； I don't want to read。 You musn't let me keep you from it。〃
〃Well； one can read any time。 But one hasn't always the chance to say
that one is ashamed。 Don't pretend you don't understand； Miss Kenton！
I didn't really mean anything。 The temptation to let you exaggerate my
disability was too much for me。 Say that you despise me！ It would be
such a comfort。〃
〃Weren't you hurt？〃
〃A littlea little more than a little； but not half so much as I
deservednot to the point of not being able to cut up my meat。 Am I
forgiven？ I'll promise to cut up all your meat for you at dinner！ Ah；
I'm making it worse！〃
〃Oh no。 Please don't speak of it〃
〃Could you forbid my thinking of it； too？〃 He did not wait for her to
answer。 〃Then here goes ！ One； two； three； and the thought is banished
forever。 Now what shall we speak of； or think of？ We finished up the
weather pretty thoroughly this morning。 And if you have not the weather
and the ship's run when you're at sea； why； you are at sea。 Don't you
think it would be a good plan； when they stick those little flags into
the chart； to show how far we've come in the last twenty…four hours； if
they'd supply a topic for the day？ They might have topics inscribed on
the flags…standard topics； that would serve for any voyage。 We might
leave port with Historysay； personal history； that would pave the way
to a general acquaintance among the passengers。 Then Geography； and if
the world is really round； and what keeps the sea from spilling。 Then
Politics； and the comparative advantages of monarchical and republican
governments； for international discussion。 Then Pathology； and whether
you're usually sea…sick； and if there is any reliable remedy。 Thenfor
those who are still upPoetry and Fiction； whether women really like
Kipling； and what kind of novels you prefer。 There ought to be about ten
topics。 These boats are sometimes very slow。 Can't you suggest
something； Miss Kenton？ There is no hurry！ We've got four to talk over；
for we must bring up the arrears； you know。 And now we'll begin with
personal history。 Your sister doesn't approve of me； does she？〃
〃My sister？〃 Ellen faltered； and； between the conscience to own t