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your noise〃shake〃 and see these head…sheets properly overhauled〃
shake； shakeshake。
And all the time I dared not look towards the land lest my heart
should fail me。 I released my grip at last and he ran forward
as if fleeing for dear life。
I wondered what my double there in the sail locker thought of
this commotion。 He was able to hear everythingand perhaps he was able
to understand why； on my conscience； it had to be thus closeno less。
My first order 〃Hard alee！〃 re…echoed ominously under the towering
shadow of Koh…ring as if I had shouted in a mountain gorge。
And then I watched the land intently。 In that smooth water
and light wind it was impossible to feel the ship coming…to。 No！
I could not feel her。 And my second self was making now ready
to ship out and lower himself overboard。 Perhaps he was gone
already 。 。 。 ？
The great black mass brooding over our very mastheads began to pivot away
from the ship's side silently。 And now I forgot the secret stranger ready
to depart； and remembered only that I was a total stranger to the ship。
I did not know her。 Would she do it？ How was she to be handled？
I swung the mainyard and waited helplessly。 She was perhaps stopped；
and her very fate hung in the balance； with the black mass
of Koh…ring like the gate of the everlasting night towering over
her taffrail。 What would she do now？ Had she way on her yet？
I stepped to the side swiftly； and on the shadowy water I could see
nothing except a faint phosphorescent flash revealing the glassy
smoothness of the sleeping surface。 It was impossible to tell
and I had not learned yet the feel of my ship。 Was she moving？
What I needed was something easily seen； a piece of paper；
which I could throw overboard and watch。 I had nothing on me。
To run down for it I didn't dare。 There was no time。
All at once my strained； yearning stare distinguished
a white object floating within a yard of the ship's side。
White on the black water。 A phosphorescent flash passed under it。
What was that thing？ 。 。 。 I recognized my own floppy hat。
It must have fallen off his head 。 。 。 and he didn't bother。
Now I had what I wantedthe saving mark for my eyes。
But I hardly thought of my other self； now gone from the ship；
to be hidden forever from all friendly faces； to be a fugitive
and a vagabond on the earth； with no brand of the curse on his
sane forehead to stay a slaying hand 。 。 。 too proud to explain。
And I watched the hatthe expression of my sudden pity for his mere flesh。
It had been meant to save his homeless head from the dangers of the sun。
And nowbeholdit was saving the ship； by serving me for a mark to help
out the ignorance of my strangeness。 Ha！ It was drifting forward；
warning me just in time that the ship had gathered sternaway。
〃Shift the helm；〃 I said in a low voice to the seaman standing still
like a statue。
The man's eyes glistened wildly in the binnacle light as he jumped
round to the other side and spun round the wheel。
I walked to the break of the poop。 On the over…shadowed deck
all hands stood by the forebraces waiting for my order。
The stars ahead seemed to be gliding from right to left。
And all was so still in the world that I heard the quiet remark；
〃She's round；〃 passed in a tone of intense relief between two seamen。
〃Let go and haul。〃
The foreyards ran round with a great noise； amidst cheery cries。
And now the frightful whiskers made themselves heard giving various orders。
Already the ship was drawing ahead。 And I was alone with her。
Nothing！ no one in the world should stand now between us； throwing a shadow
on the way of silent knowledge and mute affection； the perfect communion
of a seaman with his first command。
Walking to the taffrail； I was in time to make out； on the very edge
of a darkness thrown by a towering black mass like the very gateway
of Erebusyes； I was in time to catch an evanescent glimpse of my
white hat left behind to mark the spot where the secret sharer
of my cabin and of my thoughts； as though he were my second self；
had lowered himself into the water to take his punishment：
a free man； a proud swimmer striking out for a new destiny。
End