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the country doctor-第29章

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for they alone can know how deeply the events of life affect them。 You yourself have seen the miseries produced by long wars; till they have almost ceased to impress you; but have you never detected a trace of sadness in your mind at the sight of a tree bearing sere leaves in the midst of spring; some tree that is pining and dying because it has been planted in soil in which it could not find the sustenance required for its full development? Ever since my twentieth year; there has been something painful and melancholy for me about the drooping of a stunted plant; and now I cannot bear the sight and turn my head away。 My youthful sorrow was a vague presentiment of the sorrows of my later life; it was a kind of sympathy between my present and a future dimly foreshadowed by the life of the tree that before its time was going the way of all trees and men。〃

〃I thought that you had suffered when I saw how kind you were。〃

〃You see; sir;〃 the doctor went on without any reply to the remark made by Genestas; 〃that to speak of La Fosseuse is to speak of myself。 La Fosseuse is a plant in an alien soil; a human plant moreover; consumed by sad thoughts that have their source in the depths of her nature; and that never cease to multiply。 The poor girl is never well and strong。 The soul within her kills the body。 This fragile creature was suffering from the sorest of all troubles; a trouble which receives the least possible sympathy from our selfish world; and how could I look on with indifferent eyes? for I; a man; strong to wrestle with pain; was nightly tempted to refuse to bear the burden of a sorrow like hers。 Perhaps I might actually have refused to bear it but for a thought of religion which soothes my impatience and fills my heart with sweet illusions。 Even if we were not children of the same Father in heaven; La Fosseuse would still be my sister in suffering!〃

Benassis pressed his knees against his horse's sides; and swept ahead of Commandant Genestas; as if he shrank from continuing this conversation any further。 When their horses were once more cantering abreast of each other; he spoke again: 〃Nature has created this poor girl for sorrow;〃 he said; 〃as she has created other women for joy。 It is impossible to do otherwise than believe in a future life at the sight of natures thus predestined to suffer。 La Fosseuse is sensitive and highly strung。 If the weather is dark and cloudy; she is depressed; she 'weeps when the sky is weeping;' a phrase of her own; she sings with the birds; she grows happy and serene under a cloudless sky; the loveliness of a bright day passes into her face; a soft sweet perfume is an inexhaustible pleasure to her; I have seen her take delight the whole day long in the scent breathed forth by some mignonette; and; after one of those rainy mornings that bring out all the soul of the flowers and give indescribable freshness and brightness to the day; she seems to overflow with gladness like the green world around her。 If it is close and hot; and there is thunder in the air; La Fosseuse feels a vague trouble that nothing can soothe。 She lies on her bed; complains of numberless different ills; and does not know what ails her。 In answer to my questions; she tells me that her bones are melting; that she is dissolving into water; her 'heart has left her;' to quote another of her sayings。

〃I have sometimes come upon the poor child suddenly and found her in tears; as she gazed at the sunset effects we sometimes see here among our mountains; when bright masses of cloud gather and crowd together and pile themselves above the golden peaks of the hills。 'Why are you crying; little one?' I have asked her。 'I do not know; sir;' has been the answer; 'I have grown so stupid with looking up there; I have looked and looked; till I hardly know where I am。' 'But what do you see there?' 'I cannot tell you; sir;' and you might question her in this way all the evening; yet you would never draw a word from her; but she would look at you; and every glance would seem full of thoughts; or she would sit with tears in her eyes; scarcely saying a word; apparently rapt in musing。 Those musings of hers are so profound that you fall under the spell of them; on me; at least; she has the effect of a cloud overcharged with electricity。 One day I plied her with questions; I tried with all my might to make her talk; at last I let fall a few rather hasty words; and; wellshe burst into tears。

〃At other times La Fosseuse is bright and winning; active; merry; and sprightly; she enjoys talking; and the ideas which she expresses are fresh and original。 She is however quite unable to apply herself steadily to any kind of work。 When she was out in the fields she used to spend whole hours in looking at a flower; in watching the water flow; in gazing at the wonders in the depths of the clear; still river pools; at the picturesque mosaic made up of pebbles and earth and sand; of water plants and green moss; and the brown soil washed down by the stream; a deposit full of soft shades of color; and of hues that contrast strangely with each other。

〃When I first came to the district the poor girl was starving。 It hurt her pride to accept the bread of others; and it was only when driven to the last extremity of want and suffering that she could bring herself to ask for charity。 The feeling that this was a disgrace would often give her energy; and for several days she worked in the fields; but her strength was soon exhausted; and illness obliged her to leave the work that she had begun。 She had scarcely recovered when she went to a farm on the outskirts of the town and asked to be taken on to look after the cattle; she did her work well and intelligently; but after a while she left without giving any reason for so doing。 The constant toil; day after day; was no doubt too heavy a yoke for one who is all independence and caprice。 Then she set herself to look for mushrooms or for truffles; going over to Grenoble to sell them。 But the gaudy trifles in the town were very tempting; the few small coins in her hand seemed to be great riches; she would forget her poverty and buy ribbons and finery; without a thought for tomorrow's bread。 But if some other girl here in the town took a fancy to her brass crucifix; her agate heart or her velvet ribbon; she would make them over to her at once; glad to give happiness; for she lives by generous impulses。 So La Fosseuse was loved and pitied and despised by turns。 Everything in her nature was a cause of suffering to herher indolence; her kindness of heart; her coquetry; for she is coquettish; dainty; and inquisitive; in short; she is a woman; she is as simple as a child; and; like a child; she is carried away by her tastes and her impressions。 If you tell her about some noble deed; she trembles; her color rises; her heart throbs fast; and she sheds tears of joy; if you begin a story about robbers; she turns pale with terror。 You could not find a more sincere; open…hearted; and scrupulously loyal nature anywhere; if you were to give a hundred gold pieces into her keeping; she would bury them in some out…of…the…way nook and beg her bread as before。〃

There was a change in Benassis' tone as he uttered these last words。

〃I once determined to put her to the proof;〃 he said; 〃and I repented of it。 It is like espionage to bring a test to bear upon another; is it not? It means that we suspect them at any rate。〃

Here the doctor paused; as though some inward reflection engrossed him; he was quite unconscious of the embarrassment that his last remark had caused to his companion; who busied himself with disentangling the reins in order to hide his confusion。 Benassis soon resumed his talk。

〃I should like to find a husband for my Fosseuse。 I should be glad to make over one of my farms to some good fellow who would make her happy。 And she would be happy。 The poor girl would love her children to distraction; for motherhood; which develops the whole of a woman's nature; would give full scope to her overflowing sentiments。 She has never cared for any one; however。 Yet her impressionable nature is a danger to her。 She knows this herself; and when she saw that I recognized it; she admitted the excitability of her temperament to me
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