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During my confinement this sad occupation was my only delight；
and at that time Worlds should not have bribed me to give it up。
Even when released from my prison； I brought away my Child in my
arms。 The representations of my two kind Friends；''（Here She
took the hands of the Marchioness and Virginia； and pressed them
alternately to her lips）''at length persuaded me to resign my
unhappy Infant to the Grave。 Yet I parted from it with
reluctance： However； reason at length prevailed； I suffered it
to be taken from me； and it now reposes in consecrated ground。
I before mentioned that regularly once a day Camilla brought me
food。 She sought not to embitter my sorrows with reproach： She
bad me； 'tis true； resign all hopes of liberty and worldly
happiness； But She encouraged me to bear with patience my
temporary distress； and advised me to draw comfort from religion。
My situation evidently affected her more than She ventured to
express： But She believed that to extenuate my fault would make
me less anxious to repent it。 Often while her lips painted the
enormity of my guilt in glaring colours； her eyes betrayed； how
sensible She was to my sufferings。 In fact I am certain that
none of my Tormentors； （for the three other Nuns entered my
prison occasionally） were so much actuated by the spirit of
oppressive cruelty as by the idea that to afflict my body was
the only way to preserve my soul。 Nay； even this persuasion
might not have had such weight with them； and they might have
thought my punishment too severe； had not their good dispositions
been represt by blind obedience to their Superior。 Her
resentment existed in full force。 My project of elopement having
been discovered by the Abbot of the Capuchins； She supposed
herself lowered in his opinion by my disgrace； and in consequence
her hate was inveterate。 She told the Nuns to whose custody I
was committed that my fault was of the most heinous nature； that
no sufferings could equal the offence； and that nothing could
save me from eternal perdition but punishing my guilt with the
utmost severity。 The Superior's word is an oracle to but too
many of a Convent's Inhabitants。 The Nuns believed whatever the
Prioress chose to assert： Though contradicted by reason and
charity； they hesitated not to admit the truth of her arguments。
They followed her injunctions to the very letter； and were fully
persuaded that to treat me with lenity； or to show the least
pity for my woes； would be a direct means to destroy my chance
for salvation。
Camilla； being most employed about me； was particularly charged
by the Prioress to treat me with harshness。 In compliance with
these orders； She frequently strove to convince me； how just was
my punishment； and how enormous was my crime： She bad me think
myself too happy in saving my soul by mortifying my body； and
even threatened me sometimes with eternal perdition。 Yet as I
before observed； She always concluded by words of encouragement
and comfort； and though uttered by Camilla's lips； I easily
recognised the Domina's expressions。 Once； and once only； the
Prioress visited me in my dungeon。 She then treated me with the
most unrelenting cruelty： She loaded me with reproaches； taunted
me with my frailty； and when I implored her mercy； told me to ask
it of heaven； since I deserved none on earth。 She even gazed
upon my lifeless Infant without emotion； and when She left me； I
heard her charge Camilla to increase the hardships of my
Captivity。 Unfeeling Woman！ But let me check my resentment：
She has expiated her errors by her sad and unexpected death。
Peace be with her； and may her crimes be forgiven in heaven； as I
forgive her my sufferings on earth！
Thus did I drag on a miserable existence。 Far from growing
familiar with my prison； I beheld it every moment with new
horror。 The cold seemed more piercing and bitter； the air more
thick and pestilential。 My frame became weak； feverish； and
emaciated。 I was unable to rise from the bed of Straw； and
exercise my limbs in the narrow limits； to which the length of my
chain permitted me to move。 Though exhausted； faint； and weary；
I trembled to profit by the approach of Sleep： My slumbers were
constantly interrupted by some obnoxious Insect crawling over me。
Sometimes I felt the bloated Toad； hideous and pampered with the
poisonous vapours of the dungeon； dragging his loathsome length
along my bosom： Sometimes the quick cold Lizard rouzed me
leaving his slimy track upon my face； and entangling itself in
the tresses of my wild and matted hair： Often have I at waking
found my fingers ringed with the long worms which bred in the
corrupted flesh of my Infant。 At such times I shrieked with
terror and disgust； and while I shook off the reptile； trembled
with all a Woman's weakness。
Such was my situation； when Camilla was suddenly taken ill。 A
dangerous fever； supposed to be infectious； confined her to her
bed。 Every one except the Lay…Sister appointed to nurse her；
avoided her with caution； and feared to catch the disease。 She
was perfectly delirious； and by no means capable of attending to
me。 The Domina and the Nuns admitted to the mystery； had
latterly given me over entirely to Camilla's care： In
consequence； they busied themselves no more about me； and
occupied by preparing for the approaching Festival； it is more
than probable that I never once entered into their thoughts。 Of
the reason of Camilla's negligence； I have been informed since my
release by the Mother St。 Ursula； At that time I was very far
from suspecting its cause。 On the contrary； I waited for my
Gaoler's appearance at first with impatience； and afterwards with
despair。 One day passed away； Another followed it； The Third
arrived。 Still no Camilla！ Still no food！ I knew the lapse of
time by the wasting of my Lamp； to supply which fortunately a
week's supply of Oil had been left me。 I supposed； either that
the Nuns had forgotten me； or that the Domina had ordered them to
let me perish。 The latter idea seemed the most probable； Yet so
natural is the love of life； that I trembled to find it true。
Though embittered by every species of misery； my existence was
still dear to me； and I dreaded to lose it。 Every succeeding
minute proved to me that I must abandon all hopes of relief。 I
was become an absolute skeleton： My eyes already failed me； and
my limbs were beginning to stiffen。 I could only express my
anguish； and the pangs of that hunger which gnawed my
heart…strings； by frequent groans； whose melancholy sound the
vaulted roof of the dungeon re…echoed。 I resigned myself to my
fate： I already expected the moment of dissolution； when my
Guardian Angel； when my beloved Brother arrived in time to save
me。 My sight grown dim and feeble at first refused to recognize
him； and when I did distinguish his features； the sudden burst of
rapture was too much for me to bear。 I was overpowered by the
swell of joy at once more beholding a Friend； and that a Friend
so dear to me。 Nature could not support my emotions； and took
her refuge in insensibility。
You already know； what are my obligations to the Family of
Villa…Franca： But what you cannot know is the extent of my
gratitude； boundless as the excellence of my Benefactors。
Lorenzo！ Raymond！ Names so dear to me！ Teach me to bear with
fortitude this sudden transition from misery to bliss。 So lately
a Captive； opprest with chains； perishing with hunger； suffering
every in convenience of cold and want； hidden from the light；
excluded from society； hopeless； neglected； and as I feared；
forgotten； Now restored to life and liberty； enjoying all the
comforts of affluence and ease； surrounded by those who are most
loved by me； and on the point of becoming his Bride who has long
been wedded to my heart； my happiness is so exquisite； so
perfect； that scarcely can my brain sustain the weight。 One only
wish remains ungratified： It is to see my Brother in his former
health； and to know that Antonia's memory is buried in her grave。
Granted this prayer； I have nothing more to desire。 I trust；
that my past sufferings have purchased from heaven t