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the hungry stones and other stories-第14章

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The next year when I returned to the village it was February。  The cold season still lingered on。  The morning sun came into my room; and I was grateful for its warmth。  I was writing; when the servant came to tell me that a devotee; of the Vishnu cult; wanted to see me。  I told him; in an absent way; to bring her upstairs; and went on with my writing。  The Devotee came in; and bowed to me; touching my feet。  I found that she was the same woman whom I had met; for a brief moment; a year ago。

I was able now to examine her more closely。  She was past that age when one asks the question whether a woman is beautiful or not。  Her stature was above the ordinary height; and she was strongly built; but her body was slightly bent owing to her constant attitude of veneration。 Her manner had nothing shrinking about it。  The most remarkable of her features were her two eyes。  They seemed to have a penetrating power which could make distance near。

With those two large eyes of hers; she seemed to push me as she entered。

〃What is this?〃 she asked。 〃Why have you brought me here before your throne; my God?  I used to see you among the trees; and that was much better。  That was the true place to meet you。〃

She must have seen me walking in the garden without my seeing her。  For the last few clays; however; I had suffered from a cold; and had been prevented from going out。  I had; perforce; to stay indoors and pay my homage to the evening sky from my terrace。  After a silent pause the Devotee said to me: 〃O my God; give me some words of good。〃

I was quite unprepared for this abrupt request; and answered her on the spur of the moment: 〃Good words I neither give nor receive。  I simply open my eyes and keep silence; and then I can at once both hear and see; even when no sound is uttered。  Now; while I am looking at you; it is as good as listening to your voice。〃

The Devotee became quite excited as I spoke; and exclaimed: 〃God speaks to me; not only with His mouth; but with His whole body。〃

I said to her: 〃When I am silent I can listen with my whole body。  I have come away from Calcutta here to listen to that sound。〃

The Devotee said: 〃Yes; I know that; and therefore 1 have come here to sit by you。〃

Before taking her leave; she again bowed to me; and touched my feet。  I could see that she was distressed; because my feet were covered。  She wished them to be bare。

Early next morning I came out; and sat on my terrace on the roof。 Beyond the line of trees southward I could see the open country chill and desolate。  I could watch the sun rising over the sugar…cane in the East; beyond the clump of trees at the side of the village。  Out of the deep shadow of those dark trees the village road suddenly appeared。 It stretched forward; winding its way to some distant villages on the horizon; till it was lost in the grey of the mist。

That morning it was difficult to say whether the sun had risen or not。 A white fog was still clinging to the tops of the trees。  I saw the Devotee walking through the blurred dawn; like a mist…wraith of the morning twilight。  She was singing her chant to God; and sounding her cymbals。

The thick haze lifted at last; and the sun; like the kindly grandsire of the village; took his seat amid all the work that was going on in home and field。

When I had just settled down at my writing…table; to appease the hungry appetite of my editor in Calcutta; there came a sound of footsteps on the stair; and the Devotee; humming a tune to herself; entered; and bowed before me。  I lifted my head from my papers。

She said to me: 〃My God; yesterday I took as sacred food what was left over from your meal。〃

I was startled; and asked her how she could do that。

〃Oh;〃 she said; 〃I waited at your door in the evening; while you were at dinner; and took some food from your plate when it was carried out。〃

This was a surprise to me; for every one in the village knew that I had been to Europe; and had eaten with Europeans。  I was a vegetarian; no doubt; but the sanctity of my cook would not bear investigation; and the orthodox regarded my food as polluted。

The Devotee; noticing my sign of surprise; said: 〃My God; why should I come to you at all; if I could not take your food? 〃

I asked her what her own caste people would say。  She told me she had already spread the news far and wide all over the village。  The caste people had shaken their heads; but agreed that she must go her own way。

I found out that the Devotee came from a good family in the country; and that her mother was well to…do; and desired to keep her daughter。  But she preferred to be a mendicant。  I asked her how she made her living。 She told me that her followers had given her a piece of land; and that she begged her food from door to door。  She said to me: 〃The food which I get by begging is divine。〃

After I had thought over what she said; I understood her meaning。  When we get our food precariously as alms; we remember God the giver。  But when we receive our food regularly at home; as a matter of course; we are apt to regard it as ours by right。


I had a great desire to ask her about her husband。  But as she never mentioned him even indirectly; I did not question her。

I found out very soon that the Devotee had no respect at all for that part of the village where the people of the higher castes lived。

〃They never give;〃 she said; 〃a single farthing to God's service; and yet they have the largest share of God's glebe。  But the poor worship and starve。〃

I asked her why she did not go and live among these godless people; and help them towards a better life。 〃That;〃 I said with some unction; 〃would be the highest form of divine worship。〃

I had heard sermons of this kind from time to time; and I am rather fond of copying them myself for the public benefit; when the chance comes。

But the Devotee was not at all impressed。  She raised her big round eyes; and looked straight into mine; and said:

〃You mean to say that because God is with the sinners; therefore when you do them any service you do it to God?  Is that so?〃

〃Yes;〃 I replied; 〃that is my meaning。〃

〃Of course;〃 she answered almost impatiently; 〃of course; God is with them: otherwise; how could they go on living at all?  But what is that to me?  My God is not there。  My God cannot be worshipped among them; because I do not find Him there。  I seek Him where I can find Him。〃

As she spoke; she made obeisance to me。  What she meant to say was really this。  A mere doctrine of God's omnipresence does not help us。 That God is all…pervading;this truth may be a mere intangible abstraction; and therefore unreal to ourselves。  Where I can see Him; there is His reality in my soul。

I need not explain that all the while she showered her devotion on me she did it to me not as an individual。  I was simply a vehicle of her divine worship。  It was not for me either to receive it or to refuse it: for it was not mine; but God's。

When the Devotee came again; she found me once more engaged with my books and papers。

〃What have you been doing;〃 she said; with evident vexation; 〃that my God should make you undertake such drudgery?  Whenever I come; I find you reading and writing。〃

〃God keeps his useless people busy;〃 I answered; 〃otherwise they would be bound to get into mischief。  They have to do all the least necessary things in life。  It keeps them out of trouble。〃

The Devotee told me that she could not bear the encumbrances; with which; day by day; I was surrounded。  If she wanted to see me; she was not allowed by the servants to come straight upstairs。  If she wanted to touch my feet in worship; there were my socks always in the way。  And when she wanted to have a simple talk with me; she found my mind lost in a wilderness of letters。

This time; before she left me; she folded her hands; and said: 〃My God! I felt your feet in my breast this morning。  Oh; how cool!  And they were bare; not covered。  I held them upon my head for a long time in worship。  That filled my very being。  Then; after that; pray what was the use of my coming to you yourself?  Why did I come?  My Lord; tell me truly;wasn't it a mere infatuation?〃

There were some flowers in my vase on the table
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