the innocence of father brown-第16章

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nder；　〃the　whole　of　this　tale　turns　on　a　black　coat。　　In　this；　as　in　Hamlet；　there　are　the　rococo　excrescencesyourselves；　let　us　say。　　There　is　the　dead　waiter；　who　was　there　when　he　could　not　be　there。　　There　is　the　invisible　hand　that　swept　your　table　clear　of　silver　and　melted　into　air。　　But　every　clever　crime　is　founded　ultimately　on　some　one　quite　simple　factsome　fact　that　is　not　itself　mysterious。　　The　mystification　comes　in　covering　it　up；　in　leading　men's　thoughts　away　from　it。　　This　large　and　subtle　and　（in　the　ordinary　course）　most　profitable　crime；　was　built　on　the　plain　fact　that　a　gentleman's　evening　dress　is　the　same　as　a　waiter's。　　All　the　rest　was　acting；　and　thundering　good　acting；　too。〃　　　　　〃Still；〃　said　the　colonel；　getting　up　and　frowning　at　his　boots；　〃I　am　not　sure　that　I　understand。〃　　　　　〃Colonel；〃　said　Father　Brown；　〃I　tell　you　that　this　archangel　of　impudence　who　stole　your　forks　walked　up　and　down　this　passage　twenty　times　in　the　blaze　of　all　the　lamps；　in　the　glare　of　all　the　eyes。　　He　did　not　go　and　hide　in　dim　corners　where　suspicion　might　have　searched　for　him。　　He　kept　constantly　on　the　move　in　the　lighted　corridors；　and　everywhere　that　he　went　he　seemed　to　be　there　by　right。　　Don't　ask　me　what　he　was　like；　you　have　seen　him　yourself　six　or　seven　times　tonight。　　You　were　waiting　with　all　the　other　grand　people　in　the　reception　room　at　the　end　of　the　passage　there；　with　the　terrace　just　beyond。　　Whenever　he　came　among　you　gentlemen；　he　came　in　the　lightning　style　of　a　waiter；　with　bent　head；　flapping　napkin　and　flying　feet。　　He　shot　out　on　to　the　terrace；　did　something　to　the　table　cloth；　and　shot　back　again　towards　the　office　and　the　waiters'　quarters。　　By　the　time　he　had　come　under　the　eye　of　the　office　clerk　and　the　waiters　he　had　become　another　man　in　every　inch　of　his　body；　in　every　instinctive　gesture。　　He　strolled　among　the　servants　with　the　absent…minded　insolence　which　they　have　all　seen　in　their　patrons。　It　was　no　new　thing　to　them　that　a　swell　from　the　dinner　party　should　pace　all　parts　of　the　house　like　an　animal　at　the　Zoo；　they　know　that　nothing　marks　the　Smart　Set　more　than　a　habit　of　walking　where　one　chooses。　　When　he　was　magnificently　weary　of　walking　down　that　particular　passage　he　would　wheel　round　and　pace　back　past　the　office；　in　the　shadow　of　the　arch　just　beyond　he　was　altered　as　by　a　blast　of　magic；　and　went　hurrying　forward　again　among　the　Twelve　Fishermen；　an　obsequious　attendant。　　Why　should　the　gentlemen　look　at　a　chance　waiter？　　Why　should　the　waiters　suspect　a　first…rate　walking　gentleman？　　Once　or　twice　he　played　the　coolest　tricks。　　In　the　proprietor's　private　quarters　he　called　out　breezily　for　a　syphon　of　soda　water；　saying　he　was　thirsty。　　He　said　genially　that　he　would　carry　it　himself；　and　he　did；　he　carried　it　quickly　and　correctly　through　the　thick　of　you；　a　waiter　with　an　obvious　errand。　　Of　course；　it　could　not　have　been　kept　up　long；　but　it　only　had　to　be　kept　up　till　the　end　of　the　fish　course。　　　　　〃His　worst　moment　was　when　the　waiters　stood　in　a　row；　but　even　then　he　contrived　to　lean　against　the　wall　just　round　the　corner　in　such　a　way　that　for　that　important　instant　the　waiters　thought　him　a　gentleman；　while　the　gentlemen　thought　him　a　waiter。　The　rest　went　like　winking。　　If　any　waiter　caught　him　away　from　the　table；　that　waiter　caught　a　languid　aristocrat。　　He　had　only　to　time　himself　two　minutes　before　the　fish　was　cleared；　become　a　swift　servant；　and　clear　it　himself。　　He　put　the　plates　down　on　a　sideboard；　stuffed　the　silver　in　his　breast　pocket；　giving　it　a　bulgy　look；　and　ran　like　a　hare　（I　heard　him　coming）　till　he　came　to　the　cloak　room。　　There　he　had　only　to　be　a　plutocrat　againa　plutocrat　called　away　suddenly　on　business。　　He　had　only　to　give　his　ticket　to　the　cloak…room　attendant；　and　go　out　again　elegantly　as　he　had　come　in。　　Onlyonly　I　happened　to　be　the　cloak…room　attendant。〃　　　　　〃What　did　you　do　to　him？〃　cried　the　colonel；　with　unusual　intensity。　　〃What　did　he　tell　you？〃　　　　　〃I　beg　your　pardon；〃　said　the　priest　immovably；　〃that　is　where　the　story　ends。〃　　　　　〃And　the　interesting　story　begins；〃　muttered　Pound。　　〃I　think　I　understand　his　professional　trick。　　But　I　don't　seem　to　have　got　hold　of　yours。〃　　　　　〃I　must　be　going；〃　said　Father　Brown。　　　　　They　walked　together　along　the　passage　to　the　entrance　hall；　where　they　saw　the　fresh；　freckled　face　of　the　Duke　of　Chester；　who　was　bounding　buoyantly　along　towards　them。　　　　　〃Come　along；　Pound；〃　he　cried　breathlessly。　　〃I've　been　looking　for　you　everywhere。　　The　dinner's　going　again　in　spanking　style；　and　old　Audley　has　got　to　make　a　speech　in　honour　of　the　forks　being　saved。　　We　want　to　start　some　new　ceremony；　don't　you　know；　to　commemorate　the　occasion。　　I　say；　you　really　got　the　goods　back；　what　do　you　suggest？〃　　　　　〃Why；〃　said　the　colonel；　eyeing　him　with　a　certain　sardonic　approval；　〃I　should　suggest　that　henceforward　we　wear　green　coats；　instead　of　black。　　One　never　knows　what　mistakes　may　arise　when　one　looks　so　like　a　waiter。〃　　　　　〃Oh；　hang　it　all！〃　said　the　young　man；　〃a　gentleman　never　looks　like　a　waiter。〃　　　　　〃Nor　a　waiter　like　a　gentleman；　I　suppose；〃　said　Colonel　Pound；　with　the　same　lowering　laughter　on　his　face。　　〃Reverend　sir；　your　friend　must　have　been　very　smart　to　act　the　gentleman。〃　　　　　Father　Brown　buttoned　up　his　commonplace　overcoat　to　the　neck；　for　the　night　was　stormy；　and　took　his　commonplace　umbrella　from　the　stand。　　　　　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃it　must　be　very　hard　work　to　be　a　gentleman；　but；　do　you　know；　I　have　sometimes　thought　that　it　may　be　almost　as　laborious　to　be　a　waiter。〃　　　　　And　saying　〃Good　evening；〃　he　pushed　open　the　heavy　doors　of　that　palace　of　pleasures。　　The　golden　gates　closed　behind　him；　and　he　went　at　a　brisk　walk　through　the　damp；　dark　streets　in　search　of　a　penny　omnibus。



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The　Flying　Stars

〃The　most　beautiful　crime　I　ever　committed；〃　Flambeau　would　say　in　his　highly　moral　old　age；　〃was　also；　by　a　singular　coincidence；　my　last。　　It　was　committed　at　Christmas。　　As　an　artist　I　had　always　attempted　to　provide　crimes　suitable　to　the　special　season　or　landscapes　in　which　I　found　myself；　choosing　this　or　that　terrace　or　garden　for　a　catastrophe；　as　if　for　a　statuary　group。　　Thus　squires　should　be　swindled　in　long　rooms　panelled　with　oak；　while　Jews；　on　the　other　hand；　should　rather　find　themselves　unexpectedly　penniless　among　the　lights　and　screens　of　the　Cafe　Riche。　　Thus；　in　England；　if　I　wished　to　relieve　a　dean　of　his　riches　（which　is　not　so　easy　as　you　might　suppose）；　I　wished　to　frame　him；　if　I　make　myself　clear；　in　the　green　lawns　and　grey　towers　of　some　cathedral　town。　　Similarly；　in　France；　when　I　had　got　money　out　of　a　rich　and　wicked　peasant　（which　is　almost　impossible）；　it　gratified　me　to　get　his　indignant　head　relieved　against　a　grey　line　of　clipped　poplars；　and　those　solemn　plains　of　Gaul　over　which　broods　the　mighty　spirit　of　Millet。　　　　　〃Well；　my　last　crime　was　a　Christmas　crime；　a　cheery；　cosy；　English　middle…class　crime；　a　crime　of　Charles　Dickens。　　I　did　it　in　a　good　old　middle…class　house　near　Putney；　a　house　with　a　crescent　of　carriage　drive；　a　house　with　a　stable　by　the　side　of　it；　a　house　with　the　name　on　the　two　outer　gates；　a　house　with　a　monkey　tree。　　Enough；　you　know　the　species。　　I　really　think　my　imitation　of　Dickens's　style　was　dexterous　and　literary。　　It　seems　almost　a　pity　I　repented　the　same　evening。〃　　　　　Flambeau　would　then　proceed　to　tell　the　story　from　the　inside；　and　even　from　the　inside　it　was　odd。　　Seen　from　the　outside　it　was　perfectly　incomprehensible；　and　it　is　from　the　outside　that　the　stranger　must　study　it。　　From　this　standpoint　the　drama　may　be　said　to　have　begun　when　the　front　doors　of　the　house　with　the　stable　opened　on　the　garden　with　the　monkey　tree；　and　a　young　girl　came　out　with　bread　to　feed　the　birds　on　the　afternoon　of　Boxing　Day。　　She　had　a　pretty　face；　with　brave　brown　eyes；　but　her　figure　was　beyond　conjecture；　for　she　was　so　wrapped　up　in　brown　furs　that　it　was　hard　to　say　which　was　hair　and　which　was　fur。　　But　for　the　attractive　face　she　might　have　been　a　small　toddling　bear。　　　　　The　winter　afternoon　was　reddening　towards　evening；　and　already　a　ruby　light　was　rolled　over　t