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possible developments； and the chances of some great constructive
movement coming from the heart…searchings the Boer war had
occasioned。 We would sink to gossipeven at the Suetonius level。
Willersley would decline towards illuminating anecdotes that I
capped more or less loosely from my private reading。 We were
particularly wise； I remember； upon the management of newspapers；
because about that we knew nothing whatever。 We perceived that
great things were to be done through newspapers。 We talked of
swaying opinion and moving great classes to massive action。
Men are egotistical even in devotion。 All our splendid projects
were thickset with the first personal pronoun。 We both could write；
and all that we said in general terms was reflected in the
particular in our minds； it was ourselves we saw； and no others；
writing and speaking that moving word。 We had already produced
manuscript and passed the initiations of proof reading； I had been a
frequent speaker in the Union； and Willersley was an active man on
the School Board。 Our feet were already on the lower rungs that led
up and up。 He was six and twenty； and I twenty…two。 We intimated
our individual careers in terms of bold expectation。 I had
prophetic glimpses of walls and hoardings clamorous with 〃Vote for
Remington；〃 and Willersley no doubt saw himself chairman of this
committee and that； saying a few slightly ironical words after the
declaration of the poll； and then sitting friendly beside me on the
government benches。 There was nothing impossible in such dreams。
Why not the Board of Education for him？ My preference at that time
wavered between the Local Government BoardI had great ideas about
town…planning； about revisions of municipal areas and re…organised
internal transitand the War Office。 I swayed strongly towards the
latter as the journey progressed。 My educational bias came later。
The swelling ambitions that have tramped over Alpine passes！ How
many of them； like mine； have come almost within sight of
realisation before they failed？
There were times when we posed like young gods （of unassuming
exterior）； and times when we were full of the absurdest little
solicitudes about our prospects。 There were times when one surveyed
the whole world of men as if it was a little thing at one's feet；
and by way of contrast I remember once lying in bedit must have
been during this holiday； though I cannot for the life of me fix
whereand speculating whether perhaps some day I might not be a
K。 C。 B。； Sir Richard Remington； K。 C。 B。； M。 P。
But the big style prevailed。 。 。 。
We could not tell from minute to minute whether we were planning for
a world of solid reality； or telling ourselves fairy tales about
this prospect of life。 So much seemed possible； and everything we
could think of so improbable。 There were lapses when it seemed to
me I could never be anything but just the entirely unimportant and
undistinguished young man I was for ever and ever。 I couldn't even
think of myself as five and thirty。
Once I remember Willersley going over a list of failures； and why
they had failedbut young men in the twenties do not know much
about failures。
10
Willersley and I professed ourselves Socialists； but by this time I
knew my Rodbertus as well as my Marx； and there was much in our
socialism that would have shocked Chris Robinson as much as anything
in life could have shocked him。 Socialism as a simple democratic
cry we had done with for ever。 We were socialists because
Individualism for us meant muddle； meant a crowd of separated；
undisciplined little people all obstinately and ignorantly doing
things jarringly； each one in his own way。 〃Each；〃 I said quoting
words of my father's that rose apt in my memory； 〃snarling from his
own little bit of property； like a dog tied to a cart's tail。〃
〃Essentially；〃 said Willersley； 〃essentially we're for conscription；
in peace and war alike。 The man who owns property is a public
official and has to behave as such。 That's the gist of socialism as
I understand it。〃
〃Or be dismissed from his post；〃 I said； 〃 and replaced by some
better sort of official。 A man's none the less an official because
he's irresponsible。 What he does with his property affects people
just the same。 Private！ No one is really private but an outlaw。 。 。 。
Order and devotion were the very essence of our socialism； and a
splendid collective vigour and happiness its end。 We projected an
ideal state； an organised state as confident and powerful as modern
science； as balanced and beautiful as a body； as beneficent as
sunshine； the organised state that should end muddle for ever； it
ruled all our ideals and gave form to all our ambitions。
Every man was to be definitely related to that； to have his
predominant duty to that。 Such was the England renewed we had in
mind； and how to serve that end； to subdue undisciplined worker and
undisciplined wealth to it； and make the Scientific Commonweal；
King； was the continuing substance of our intercourse。
11
Every day the wine of the mountains was stronger in our blood； and
the flush of our youth deeper。 We would go in the morning sunlight
along some narrow Alpine mule…path shouting large suggestions for
national re…organisation； and weighing considerations as lightly as
though the world was wax in our hands。 〃Great England；〃 we said in
effect； over and over again； 〃and we will be among the makers！
England renewed！ The country has been warned； it has learnt its
lesson。 The disasters and anxieties of the war have sunk in。
England has become serious。 。 。 。 Oh！ there are big things before
us to do； big enduring things！〃
One evening we walked up to the loggia of a little pilgrimage
church； I forget its name； that stands out on a conical hill at the
head of a winding stair above the town of Locarno。 Down below the
houses clustered amidst a confusion of heat…bitten greenery。 I had
been sitting silently on the parapet； looking across to the purple
mountain masses where Switzerland passes into Italy； and the drift
of our talk seemed suddenly to gather to a head。
I broke into speech； giving form to the thoughts that had been
accumulating。 My words have long since passed out of my memory； the
phrases of familiar expression have altered for me； but the
substance remains as clear as ever。 I said how we were in our
measure emperors and kings； men undriven； free to do as we pleased
with life； we classed among the happy ones； our bread and common
necessities were given us for nothing； we had abilities；it wasn't
modesty but cowardice to behave as if we hadn'tand Fortune watched
us to see what we might do with opportunity and the world。
〃There are so many things to do； you see；〃 began Willersley； in his
judicial lecturer's voice。
〃So many things we may do；〃 I interrupted； 〃with all these years
before us。 。 。 。 We're exceptional men。 It's our place； our duty；
to do things。〃
〃Here anyhow；〃 I said； answering the faint amusement of his face；
〃I've got no modesty。 Everything conspires to set me up。 Why
should I run about like all those grubby little beasts down there；
seeking nothing but mean little vanities and indulgenciesand then
take credit for modesty？ I KNOW I am capable。 I KNOW I have
imagination。 Modesty！ I know if I don't attempt the very biggest
things in life I am a damned shirk。 The very biggest！ Somebody has
to attempt them。 I feel like a loaded gun that is only a little
perplexed because it has to find out just where to aim itself。 。 。 。〃
The lake and the frontier villages； a white puff of steam on the
distant railway to Luino； the busy boats and steamers trailing
triangular wakes of foam； the long vista eastward towards
battlemented