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different。 I saw that； with rare exceptions； all those milliards
who have lived and are living do not fit into my divisions； and
that I could not class them as not understanding the question； for
they themselves state it and reply to it with extraordinary
clearness。 Nor could I consider them epicureans； for their life
consists more of privations and sufferings than of enjoyments。
Still less could I consider them as irrationally dragging on a
meaningless existence； for every act of their life； as well as
death itself； is explained by them。 To kill themselves they
consider the greatest evil。 It appeared that all mankind had a
knowledge； unacknowledged and despised by me； of the meaning of
life。 It appeared that reasonable knowledge does not give the
meaning of life； but excludes life： while the meaning attributed to
life by milliards of people； by all humanity； rests on some
despised pseudo…knowledge。
Rational knowledge presented by the learned and wise； denies
the meaning of life； but the enormous masses of men； the whole of
mankind receive that meaning in irrational knowledge。 And that
irrational knowledge is faith； that very thing which I could not
but reject。 It is God； One in Three； the creation in six days； the
devils and angels； and all the rest that I cannot accept as long as
I retain my reason。
My position was terrible。 I knew I could find nothing along
the path of reasonable knowledge except a denial of life； and there
in faith was nothing but a denial of reason； which was yet
more impossible for me than a denial of life。 From rational
knowledge it appeared that life is an evil； people know this and it
is in their power to end life； yet they lived and still live； and
I myself live； though I have long known that life is senseless and
an evil。 By faith it appears that in order to understand the
meaning of life I must renounce my reason； the very thing for which
alone a meaning is required。
IX
A contradiction arose from which there were two exits。 Either
that which I called reason was not so rational as I supposed； or
that which seemed to me irrational was not so irrational as I
supposed。 And I began to verify the line of argument of my
rational knowledge。
Verifying the line of argument of rational knowledge I found
it quite correct。 The conclusion that life is nothing was
inevitable； but I noticed a mistake。 The mistake lay in this； that
my reasoning was not in accord with the question I had put。 The
question was： 〃Why should I live； that is to say； what real；
permanent result will come out of my illusory transitory life
what meaning has my finite existence in this infinite world？〃 And
to reply to that question I had studied life。
The solution of all the possible questions of life could
evidently not satisfy me； for my question； simple as it at first
appeared； included a demand for an explanation of the finite in
terms of the infinite； and vice versa。
I asked： 〃What is the meaning of my life； beyond time； cause；
and space？〃 And I replied to quite another question： 〃What is the
meaning of my life within time； cause； and space？〃 With the
result that； after long efforts of thought； the answer I reached
was： 〃None。〃
In my reasonings I constantly compared （nor could I do
otherwise） the finite with the finite； and the infinite with the
infinite； but for that reason I reached the inevitable result：
force is force； matter is matter； will is will； the infinite is the
infinite； nothing is nothing and that was all that could result。
It was something like what happens in mathematics； when
thinking to solve an equation； we find we are working on an
identity。 the line of reasoning is correct； but results in the
answer that a equals a； or x equals x； or o equals o。 the same
thing happened with my reasoning in relation to the question of the
meaning of my life。 The replies given by all science to that
question only result in identity。
And really； strictly scientific knowledge that knowledge
which begins； as Descartes's did； with complete doubt about
everything rejects all knowledge admitted on faith and builds
everything afresh on the laws of reason and experience； and cannot
give any other reply to the question of life than that which I
obtained： an indefinite reply。 Only at first had it seemed to me
that knowledge had given a positive reply the reply of
Schopenhauer： that life has no meaning and is an evil。 But on
examining the matter I understood that the reply is not positive；
it was only my feeling that so expressed it。 Strictly expressed；
as it is by the Brahmins and by Solomon and Schopenhauer； the reply
is merely indefinite； or an identity： o equals o； life is nothing。
So that philosophic knowledge denies nothing； but only replies that
the question cannot be solved by it that for it the solution
remains indefinite。
Having understood this； I understood that it was not possible
to seek in rational knowledge for a reply to my question； and that
the reply given by rational knowledge is a mere indication that a
reply can only be obtained by a different statement of the question
and only when the relation of the finite to the infinite is
included in the question。 And I understood that； however
irrational and distorted might be the replies given by faith； they
have this advantage； that they introduce into every answer a
relation between the finite and the infinite； without which there
can be no solution。
In whatever way I stated the question； that relation appeared
in the answer。 How am I to live？ According to the law of God。
What real result will come of my life？ Eternal torment or
eternal bliss。 What meaning has life that death does not destroy？
Union with the eternal God： heaven。
So that besides rational knowledge； which had seemed to me the
only knowledge； I was inevitably brought to acknowledge that all
live humanity has another irrational knowledge faith which makes
it possible to live。 Faith still remained to me as irrational as
it was before； but I could not but admit that it alone gives
mankind a reply to the questions of life； and that consequently it
makes life possible。 Reasonable knowledge had brought me to
acknowledge that life is senseless my life had come to a halt
and I wished to destroy myself。 Looking around on the whole of
mankind I saw that people live and declare that they know the
meaning of life。 I looked at myself I had lived as long as I
knew a meaning of life and had made life possible。
Looking again at people of other lands； at my contemporaries
and at their predecessors； I saw the same thing。 Where there is
life； there since man began faith has made life possible for him；
and the chief outline of that faith is everywhere and always
identical。
Whatever the faith may be； and whatever answers it may give；
and to whomsoever it gives them； every such answer gives to the
finite existence of man an infinite meaning； a meaning not
destroyed by sufferings； deprivations； or death。 This means that
only in faith can we find for life a meaning and a possibility。
What； then； is this faith？ And I understood that faith is not
merely 〃the evidence of things not seen〃； etc。； and is not a
revelation （that defines only one of the indications of faith； is
not the relation of man to God （one has first to define faith and
then God； and not define faith through God）； it not only agreement
with what has been told one （as faith is most usually supposed to
be）； but faith is a knowledge of the meaning of human life in
consequence of which man does not destroy himself but lives。 Faith
is the strength of life。 If a man lives he believes in something。
If he did not believe that one must live for something； he would
not live。 If he does not see and recognize the illusory nature of
the fin