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putting her burning lips to my ear and whispering the words like a
sigh。
I was horror…struck at the wild caress； and my will was not strong
enough to repress the nervous agitation I felt throughout this scene。
I listened without reply； or rather I replied by a fixed smile and
signs of comprehension； wishing not to thwart her； but to treat her as
a mother does a child。 Struck at first with the change in her person；
I now perceived that the woman； once so dignified in her bearing；
showed in her attitude； her voice； her manners； in her looks and her
ideas； the naive ignorance of a child； its artless graces； its eager
movements； its careless indifference to everything that is not its own
desire；in short all the weaknesses which commend a child to our
protection。 Is it so with all dying persons？ Do they strip off social
disguises till they are like children who have never put them on？ Or
was it that the countess feeling herself on the borders of eternity；
rejected every human feeling except love？
〃You will bring me health as you used to do； Felix；〃 she said； 〃and
our valley will still be my blessing。 How can I help eating what you
will give me？ You are such a good nurse。 Besides； you are so rich in
health and vigor that life is contagious beside you。 My friend； prove
to me that I need not diedie blighted。 They think my worst suffering
is thirst。 Oh； yes； my thirst is great； dear friend。 The waters of the
Indre are terrible to see； but the thirst of my heart is greater far。
I thirsted for thee；〃 she said in a smothered voice； taking my hands
in hers； which were burning； and drawing me close that she might
whisper in my ear。 〃My anguish has been in not seeing thee！ Did you
not bid me live？ I will live； I too will ride on horseback； I will
know life； Paris； fetes； pleasures； all！〃
Ah！ Natalie； that awful crywhich time and distance render coldrang
in the ears of the old priest and in mine； the tones of that glorious
voice pictured the battles of a lifetime； the anguish of a true love
lost。 The countess rose with an impatient movement like that of a
child which seeks a plaything。 When the confessor saw her thus the
poor man fell upon his knees and prayed with clasped hands。
〃Yes； to live！〃 she said； making me rise and support her； 〃to live
with realities and not with delusions。 All has been delusions in my
life； I have counted them up； these lies； these impostures！ How can I
die； I who have never lived？ I who have never roamed a moor to meet
him！〃 She stopped； seemed to listen； and to smell some odor through
the walls。 〃Felix； the vintagers are dining； and I； I；〃 she said； in
the voice of a child； 〃I； the mistress； am hungry。 It is so in love；
they are happy； they； they！〃
〃Kyrie eleison！〃 said the poor abbe； who with clasped hands and eyes
raised to heaven was reciting his litanies。
She flung an arm around my neck； kissed me violently； and pressed me
to her； saying； 〃You shall not escape me now！〃 She gave the little nod
with which in former days she used； when leaving me for an instant； to
say she would return。 〃We will dine together；〃 she said； 〃I will go
and tell Manette。〃 She turned to go； but fainted； and I laid her；
dressed as she was； upon the bed。
〃You carried me thus before；〃 she murmured； opening her eyes。
She was very light； but burning； as I took her in my arms I felt the
heat of her body。 Monsieur Deslandes entered and seemed surprised at
the decoration of the room； but seeing me； all was explained to him。
〃We must suffer much to die；〃 she said in a changed voice。
The doctor sat down and felt her pulse； then he rose quickly and said
a few words in a low voice to the priest； who left the room beckoning
me to follow him。
〃What are you going to do？〃 I said to the doctor。
〃Save her from intolerable agony；〃 he replied。 〃Who could have
believed in so much strength？ We cannot understand how she can have
lived in this state so long。 This is the forty…second day since she
has either eaten or drunk。〃
Monsieur Deslandes called for Manette。 The Abbe Birotteau took me to
the gardens。
〃Let us leave her to the doctor；〃 he said； 〃with Manette's help he
will wrap her in opium。 Well； you have heard her nowif indeed it is
she herself。〃
〃No；〃 I said； 〃it is not she。〃
I was stupefied with grief。 I left the grounds by the little gate of
the lower terrace and went to the punt； in which I hid to be alone
with my thoughts。 I tried to detach myself from the being in which I
lived；a torture like that with which the Tartars punish adultery by
fastening a limb of the guilty man in a piece of wood and leaving him
with a knife to cut it off if he would not die of hunger。 My life was
a failure； too！ Despair suggested many strange ideas to me。 Sometimes
I vowed to die beside her； sometimes to bury myself at Meilleraye
among the Trappists。 I looked at the windows of the room where
Henriette was dying； fancying I saw the light that was burning there
the night I betrothed my soul to hers。 Ah！ ought I not to have
followed the simple life she had created for me； keeping myself
faithfully to her while I worked in the world？ Had she not bidden me
become a great man expressly that I might be saved from base and
shameful passions？ Chastity！ was it not a sublime distinction which I
had not know how to keep？ Love； as Arabella understood it； suddenly
disgusted me。 As I raised my humbled head asking myself where； in
future； I could look for light and hope； what interest could hold me
to life； the air was stirred by a sudden noise。 I turned to the
terrace and there saw Madeleine walking alone； with slow steps。 During
the time it took me to ascend the terrace； intending to ask the dear
child the reason of the cold look she had given me when kneeling at
the foot of the cross； she had seated herself on the bench。 When she
saw me approach her； she rose； pretending not to have seen me； and
returned towards the house in a significantly hasty manner。 She hated
me； she fled from her mother's murderer。
When I reached the portico I saw Madeleine like a statue； motionless
and erect； evidently listening to the sound of my steps。 Jacques was
sitting in the portico。 His attitude expressed the same insensibility
to what was going on about him that I had noticed when I first saw
him； it suggested ideas such as we lay aside in some corner of our
mind to take up and study at our leisure。 I have remarked that young
persons who carry death within them are usually unmoved at funerals。 I
longed to question that gloomy spirit。 Had Madeleine kept her thoughts
to herself； or had she inspired Jacques with her hatred？
〃You know； Jacques；〃 I said； to begin the conversation； 〃that in me
you have a most devoted brother。〃
〃Your friendship is useless to me； I shall follow my mother；〃 he said；
giving me a sullen look of pain。
〃Jacques！〃 I cried； 〃you； too； against me？〃
He coughed and walked away； when he returned he showed me his
handkerchief stained with blood。
〃Do you understand that？〃 he said。
Thus they had each of them a fatal secret。 I saw before long that the
brother and sister avoided each other。 Henriette laid low； all was in
ruins at Clochegourde。
〃Madame is asleep；〃 Manette came to say； quite happy in knowing that
the countess was out of pain。
In these dreadful moments； though each person knows the inevitable
end； strong affections fasten on such minor joys。 Minutes are
centuries which we long to make restorative； we wish our dear ones to
lie on roses； we pray to bear their sufferings； we cling to the hope
that their last moment may be to them unexpected。
〃Monsieur Deslandes has ordered the flowers taken away； they excited
Madame's nerves；〃 said Manette。
Then it was the flowers that caused her delirium； she herself was not
a part of it。
〃Come； Monsieur Felix；〃 added Manette； 〃come and see Madame； she is
beautiful as an angel。〃
I returned to the dying woman just as the setting sun was gilding the
lace…work on the roofs of the chateau of Azay。 All was calm and pure。
A soft light lit the bed on which my Henriette was lying； wrapped in
opium。 The body was； as it were； annihilated； the soul alone reigned
on that face； s