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Swept onward like a straw in the whirlwind； I was seized with a
childish desire to be the Duc d'Angouleme himself； to be one of these
princes parading before an awed assemblage。 This silly fancy of a
Tourangean lad roused an ambition to which my nature and the
surrounding circumstances lent dignity。 Who would not envy such
worship？a magnificent repetition of which I saw a few months later；
when all Paris rushed to the feet of the Emperor on his return from
Elba。 The sense of this dominion exercised over the masses； whose
feelings and whose very life are thus merged into one soul； dedicated
me then and thenceforth to glory； that priestess who slaughters the
Frenchmen of to…day as the Druidess once sacrificed the Gauls。
Suddenly I met the woman who was destined to spur these ambitious
desires and to crown them by sending me into the heart of royalty。 Too
timid to ask any one to dance；fearing； moreover； to confuse the
figures；I naturally became very awkward； and did not know what to do
with my arms and legs。 Just as I was suffering severely from the
pressure of the crowd an officer stepped on my feet； swollen by the
new leather of my shoes as well as by the heat。 This disgusted me with
the whole affair。 It was impossible to get away； but I took refuge in
a corner of a room at the end of an empty bench； where I sat with
fixed eyes； motionless and sullen。 Misled by my puny appearance； a
womantaking me for a sleepy childslid softly into the place beside
me； with the motion of a bird as she drops upon her nest。 Instantly I
breathed the woman…atmosphere； which irradiated my soul as； in after
days； oriental poesy has shone there。 I looked at my neighbor； and was
more dazzled by that vision than I had been by the scene of the fete。
If you have understood this history of my early life you will guess
the feelings which now welled up within me。 My eyes rested suddenly on
white； rounded shoulders where I would fain have laid my head；
shoulders faintly rosy； which seemed to blush as if uncovered for the
first time； modest shoulders； that possessed a soul； and reflected
light from their satin surface as from a silken texture。 These
shoulders were parted by a line along which my eyes wandered。 I raised
myself to see the bust and was spell…bound by the beauty of the bosom；
chastely covered with gauze； where blue…veined globes of perfect
outline were softly hidden in waves of lace。 The slightest details of
the head were each and all enchantments which awakened infinite
delights within me； the brilliancy of the hair laid smoothly above a
neck as soft and velvety as a child's； the white lines drawn by the
comb where my imagination ran as along a dewy path；all these things
put me； as it were； beside myself。 Glancing round to be sure that no
one saw me； I threw myself upon those shoulders as a child upon the
breast of its mother； kissing them as I laid my head there。 The woman
uttered a piercing cry； which the noise of the music drowned； she
turned； saw me； and exclaimed； 〃Monsieur！〃 Ah！ had she said； 〃My
little lad； what possesses you？〃 I might have killed her； but at the
word 〃Monsieur！〃 hot tears fell from my eyes。 I was petrified by a
glance of saintly anger； by a noble face crowned with a diadem of
golden hair in harmony with the shoulders I adored。 The crimson of
offended modesty glowed on her cheeks； though already it was appeased
by the pardoning instinct of a woman who comprehends a frenzy which
she inspires； and divines the infinite adoration of those repentant
tears。 She moved away with the step and carriage of a queen。
I then felt the ridicule of my position； for the first time I realized
that I was dressed like the monkey of a barrel organ。 I was ashamed。
There I stood； stupefied；tasting the fruit that I had stolen；
conscious of the warmth upon my lips； repenting not； and following
with my eyes the woman who had come down to me from heaven。 Sick with
the first fever of the heart I wandered through the rooms； unable to
find mine Unknown； until at last I went home to bed； another man。
A new soul； a soul with rainbow wings； had burst its chrysalis。
Descending from the azure wastes where I had long admired her； my star
had come to me a woman； with undiminished lustre and purity。 I loved；
knowing naught of love。 How strange a thing； this first irruption of
the keenest human emotion in the heart of a man！ I had seen pretty
women in other places； but none had made the slightest impression upon
me。 Can there be an appointed hour； a conjunction of stars； a union of
circumstances； a certain woman among all others to awaken an exclusive
passion at the period of life when love includes the whole sex？
The thought that my Elect lived in Touraine made the air I breathed
delicious； the blue of the sky seemed bluer than I had ever yet seen
it。 I raved internally； but externally I was seriously ill； and my
mother had fears； not unmingled with remorse。 Like animals who know
when danger is near； I hid myself away in the garden to think of the
kiss that I had stolen。 A few days after this memorable ball my mother
attributed my neglect of study； my indifference to her tyrannical
looks and sarcasms； and my gloomy behavior to the condition of my
health。 The country； that perpetual remedy for ills that doctors
cannot cure； seemed to her the best means of bringing me out of my
apathy。 She decided that I should spend a few weeks at Frapesle； a
chateau on the Indre midway between Montbazon and Azay…le…Rideau；
which belonged to a friend of hers； to whom； no doubt； she gave
private instructions。
By the day when I thus for the first time gained my liberty I had swum
so vigorously in Love's ocean that I had well…nigh crossed it。 I knew
nothing of mine unknown lady； neither her name； nor where to find her；
to whom； indeed； could I speak of her？ My sensitive nature so
exaggerated the inexplicable fears which beset all youthful hearts at
the first approach of love that I began with the melancholy which
often ends a hopeless passion。 I asked nothing better than to roam
about the country； to come and go and live in the fields。 With the
courage of a child that fears no failure； in which there is something
really chivalrous； I determined to search every chateau in Touraine；
travelling on foot； and saying to myself as each old tower came in
sight； 〃She is there！〃
Accordingly； of a Thursday morning I left Tours by the barrier of
Saint…Eloy； crossed the bridges of Saint…Sauveur； reached Poncher
whose every house I examined； and took the road to Chinon。 For the
first time in my life I could sit down under a tree or walk fast or
slow as I pleased without being dictated to by any one。 To a poor lad
crushed under all sorts of despotism （which more or less does weigh
upon all youth） the first employment of freedom； even though it be
expended upon nothing； lifts the soul with irrepressible buoyancy。
Several reasons combined to make that day one of enchantment。 During
my school years I had never been taken to walk more than two or three
miles from a city； yet there remained in my mind among the earliest
recollections of my childhood that feeling for the beautiful which the
scenery about Tours inspires。 Though quite untaught as to the poetry
of such a landscape； I was； unknown to myself； critical upon it； like
those who imagine the ideal of art without knowing anything of its
practice。
To reach the chateau of Frapesle； foot…passengers； or those on
horseback； shorten the way by crossing the Charlemagne moors；
uncultivated tracts of land lying on the summit of the plateau which
separates the valley of the Cher from that of the Indre； and over
which there is a cross…road leading to Champy。 These moors are flat
and sandy； and for more than three miles are dreary enough until you
reach； through a clump of woods； the road to Sache； the name of the
township in which Frapesle stands。 This road； which joins that of
Chinon beyond Ballan； skirts an undulating plain to the little hamlet
of Artanne。 Here we come upon a valley； which begins at Montbazon；
ends at the Loire； and seems to rise and fall；to bound； as it were；
beneath the chateaus placed on its double hillsid