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〃Oh better far！ I love you thus； and I also love you〃she looked at
me with keen apprehension〃as you loved your aunt。〃
〃I am happy！ You dispel my terrors；〃 she said； returning towards the
family； who were surprised at our private conference。 〃Be still a
child at Clochegourdefor you are one still。 It may be your policy to
be a man with the king； but here； let me tell you； monsieur； your best
policy is to remain a child。 As a child you shall be loved。 I can
resist a man； but to a child I can refuse nothing； nothing！ He can ask
for nothing I will not give him。Our secrets are all told；〃 she said；
looking at the count with a mischievous air； in which her girlish；
natural self reappeared。 〃I leave you now； I must go and dress。〃
Never for three years had I heard her voice so richly happy。 For the
first time I heard those swallow cries； the infantile notes of which I
told you。 I had brought Jacques a hunting outfit； and for Madeleine a
work…boxwhich her mother afterwards used。 The joy of the two
children； delighted to show their presents to each other； seemed to
annoy the count； always dissatisfied when attention was withdrawn from
himself。 I made a sign to Madeleine and followed her father； who
wanted to talk to me of his ailments。
〃My poor Felix；〃 he said； 〃you see how happy and well they all are。 I
am the shadow on the picture； all their ills are transferred to me；
and I bless God that it is so。 Formerly I did not know what was the
matter with me； now I know。 The orifice of my stomach is affected； I
can digest nothing。〃
〃How do you come to be as wise as the professor of a medical school？〃
I asked； laughing。 〃Is your doctor indiscreet enough to tell you such
things？〃
〃God forbid I should consult a doctor；〃 he cried； showing the aversion
most imaginary invalids feel for the medical profession。
I now listened to much crazy talk； in the course of which he made the
most absurd confidences；complained of his wife； of the servants； of
the children； of life； evidently pleased to repeat his daily speeches
to a friend who； not having heard them daily； might be alarmed； and
who at any rate was forced to listen out of politeness。 He must have
been satisfied； for I paid him the utmost attention； trying to
penetrate his inconceivable nature； and to guess what new tortures he
had been inflicting on his wife； of which she had not written to me。
Henriette presently put an end to the monologue by appearing in the
portico。 The count saw her； shook his head； and said to me： 〃You
listen to me； Felix； but here no one pities me。〃
He went away； as if aware of the constraint he imposed on my
intercourse with Henriette； or perhaps from a really chivalrous
consideration for her； knowing he could give her pleasure by leaving
us alone。 His character exhibited contradictions that were often
inexplicable； he was jealous； like all weak beings； but his confidence
in his wife's sanctity was boundless。 It may have been the sufferings
of his own self…esteem； wounded by the superiority of that lofty
virtue； which made him so eager to oppose every wish of the poor
woman； whom he braved as children brave their masters or their
mothers。
Jacques was taking his lessons； and Madeleine was being dressed； I had
therefore a whole hour to walk with the countess alone on the terrace。
〃Dear angel！〃 I said； 〃the chains are heavier； the sands hotter； the
thorns grow apace。〃
〃Hush！〃 she said； guessing the thoughts my conversation with the count
had suggested。 〃You are here； and all is forgotten！ I don't suffer； I
have never suffered。〃
She made a few light steps as if to shake her dress and give to the
breeze its ruches of snowy tulle； its floating sleeves and fresh
ribbons； the laces of her pelerine； and the flowing curls of her
coiffure a la Sevigne； I saw her for the first time a young girl；gay
with her natural gaiety； ready to frolic like a child。 I knew then the
meaning of tears of happiness； I knew the joy a man feels in bringing
happiness to another。
〃Sweet human flower； wooed by my thought； kissed by my soul； oh my
lily！〃 I cried； 〃untouched； untouchable upon thy stem； white； proud；
fragrant； and solitary〃
〃Enough； enough；〃 she said； smiling。 〃Speak to me of yourself； tell me
everything。〃
Then； beneath the swaying arch of quivering leaves； we had a long
conversation； filled with interminable parentheses； subjects taken；
dropped； and retaken； in which I told her my life and my occupations；
I even described my apartment in Paris； for she wished to know
everything； and （happiness then unappreciated） I had nothing to
conceal。 Knowing thus my soul and all the details of a daily life full
of incessant toil； learning the full extent of my functions； which to
any one not sternly upright offered opportunities for deception and
dishonest gains； but which I had exercised with such rigid honor that
the king； I told her； called me Mademoiselle de Vandenesse； she seized
my hand and kissed it； and dropped a tear； a tear of joy； upon it。
This sudden transposition of our roles； this homage； coupled with the
thoughtswiftly expressed but as swiftly comprehended〃Here is the
master I have sought； here is my dream embodied！〃 all that there was
of avowal in the action； grand in its humility； where love betrayed
itself in a region forbidden to the senses；this whirlwind of
celestial things fell on my heart and crushed it。 I felt myself too
small； I wished to die at her feet。
〃Ah！〃 I said； 〃you surpass us in all things。 Can you doubt me？for
you did doubt me just now； Henriette。〃
〃Not now；〃 she answered； looking at me with ineffable tenderness；
which； for a moment； veiled the light of her eyes。 〃But seeing you so
changed； so handsome； I said to myself； 'Our plans for Madeleine will
be defeated by some woman who will guess the treasures in his heart；
she will steal our Felix； and destroy all happiness here。'〃
〃Always Madeleine！〃 I replied。 〃Is it Madeleine to whom I am
faithful？〃
We fell into a silence which Monsieur de Mortsauf inconveniently
interrupted。 I was forced to keep up a conversation bristling with
difficulties； in which my honest replies as to the king's policy
jarred with the count's ideas； and he forced me to explain again and
again the king's intentions。 In spite of all my questions as to his
horses； his agricultural affairs； whether he was satisfied with his
five farms； whether he meant to cut the timber of the old avenue； he
returned to the subject of politics with the pestering faculty of an
old maid and the persistency of a child。 Minds like his prefer to dash
themselves against the light； they return again and again and hum
about it without ever getting into it； like those big flies which
weary our ears as they buzz upon the glass。
Henriette was silent。 To stop the conversation； in which I feared my
young blood might take fire； I answered in monosyllables； mostly
acquiescent； avoiding discussion； but Monsieur de Mortsauf had too
much sense not to perceive the meaning of my politeness。 Presently he
was angry at being always in the right； he grew refractory； his
eyebrows and the wrinkles of his forehead worked； his yellow eyes
blazed； his rufous nose grew redder； as it did on the day I first
witnessed an attack of madness。 Henriette gave me a supplicating look；
making me understand that she could not employ on my behalf an
authority to which she had recourse to protect her children。 I at once
answered the count seriously； taking up the political question； and
managing his peevish spirit with the utmost care。
〃Poor dear！ poor dear！〃 she murmured two or three times； the words
reaching my ear like a gentle breeze。 When she could intervene with
success she said； interrupting us； 〃Let me tell you； gentlemen； that
you are very dull company。〃
Recalled by this conversation to his chivalrous sense of what was due
to a woman； the count ceased to talk politics； and as we bored him in
our turn by commonplace matters； he presently left us to continue our
walk； declaring that it made his head spin to go round and round on
the same path。
My sad conjectures were true。 The soft landscape； the warm atmosphere；
the cloudless skies； the soo