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the sorrows of my childhood I might have taken his protecting vanity
for brotherly affection； but inward solitude produces the same effects
as outward solitude； silence within our souls enables us to hear the
faintest sound； the habit of taking refuge within ourselves develops a
perception which discerns every quality of the affections about us。
Before I knew Madame de Mortsauf a hard look grieved me； a rough word
wounded me to the heart； I bewailed these things without as yet
knowing anything of a life of tenderness； whereas now； since my return
from Clochegourde； I could make comparisons which perfected my
instinctive perceptions。 All deductions derived only from sufferings
endured are incomplete。 Happiness has a light to cast。 I now allowed
myself the more willingly to be kept under the heel of primogeniture
because I was not my brother's dupe。
I always went alone to the Duchesse de Lenoncourt's； where Henriette's
name was never mentioned； no one； except the good old duke； who was
simplicity itself； ever spoke of her to me； but by the way he welcomed
me I guessed that his daughter had privately commended me to his care。
At the moment when I was beginning to overcome the foolish wonder and
shyness which besets a young man at his first entrance into the great
world； and to realize the pleasures it could give through the
resources it offers to ambition； just； too； as I was beginning to make
use of Henriette's maxims； admiring their wisdom； the events of the
20th of March took place。
My brother followed the court to Ghent； I； by Henriette's advice （for
I kept up a correspondence with her； active on my side only）； went
there also with the Duc de Lenoncourt。 The natural kindness of the old
duke turned to a hearty and sincere protection as soon as he saw me
attached； body and soul； to the Bourbons。 He himself presented me to
his Majesty。 Courtiers are not numerous when misfortunes are rife； but
youth is gifted with ingenuous admiration and uncalculating fidelity。
The king had the faculty of judging men； a devotion which might have
passed unobserved in Paris counted for much at Ghent； and I had the
happiness of pleasing Louis XVIII。
A letter from Madame de Mortsauf to her father； brought with
despatches by an emissary of the Vendeens； enclosed a note to me by
which I learned that Jacques was ill。 Monsieur de Mortsauf； in despair
at his son's ill…health； and also at the news of a second emigration；
added a few words which enabled me to guess the situation of my dear
one。 Worried by him； no doubt； when she passed all her time at
Jacques' bedside； allowed no rest either day or night； superior to
annoyance； yet unable always to control herself when her whole soul
was given to the care of her child； Henriette needed the support of a
friendship which might lighten the burden of her life； were it only by
diverting her husband's mind。 Though I was now most impatient to rival
the career of my brother； who had lately been sent to the Congress of
Vienna； and was anxious at any risk to justify Henriette's appeal and
become a man myself； freed from all vassalage； nevertheless my
ambition； my desire for independence； the great interest I had in not
leaving the king； all were of no account before the vision of Madame
de Mortsauf's sad face。 I resolved to leave the court at Ghent and
serve my true sovereign。 God rewarded me。 The emissary sent by the
Vendeens was unable to return。 The king wanted a messenger who would
faithfully carry back his instructions。 The Duc de Lenoncourt knew
that the king would never forget the man who undertook so perilous an
enterprise； he asked for the mission without consulting me； and I
gladly accepted it； happy indeed to be able to return to Clochegourde
employed in the good cause。
After an audience with the king I returned to France； where； both in
Paris and in Vendee； I was fortunate enough to carry out his Majesty's
instructions。 Towards the end of May； being tracked by the Bonapartist
authorities to whom I was denounced； I was obliged to fly from place
to place in the character of a man endeavoring to get back to his
estate。 I went on foot from park to park； from wood to wood； across
the whole of upper Vendee； the Bocage and Poitou； changing my
direction as danger threatened。
I reached Saumur； from Saumur I went to Chinon； and from Chinon I
reached； in a single night； the woods of Nueil； where I met the count
on horseback； he took me up behind him and we reached Clochegourde
without passing any one who recognized me。
〃Jacques is better；〃 were the first words he said to me。
I explained to him my position of diplomatic postman； hunted like a
wild beast； and the brave gentleman in his quality of royalist claimed
the danger over Chessel of receiving me。 As we came in sight of
Clochegourde the past eight months rolled away like a dream。 When we
entered the salon the count said： 〃Guess whom I bring you？Felix！〃
〃Is it possible！〃 she said； with pendant arms and a bewildered face。
I showed myself and we both remained motionless； she in her armchair；
I on the threshold of the door； looking at each other with that hunger
of the soul which endeavors to make up in a single glance for the lost
months。 Then； recovering from a surprise which left her heart
unveiled； she rose and I went up to her。
〃I have prayed for your safety；〃 she said； giving me her hand to kiss。
She asked news of her father； then she guessed my weariness and went
to prepare my room； while the count gave me something to eat； for I
was dying of hunger。 My room was the one above hers； her aunt's room；
she requested the count to take me there； after setting her foot on
the first step of the staircase； deliberating no doubt whether to
accompany me； I turned my head； she blushed； bade me sleep well； and
went away。 When I came down to dinner I heard for the first time of
the disasters at Waterloo； the flight of Napoleon； the march of the
Allies to Paris； and the probable return of the Bourbons。 These events
were all in all to the count； to us they were nothing。 What think you
was the great event I was to learn； after kissing the children？for I
will not dwell on the alarm I felt at seeing the countess pale and
shrunken； I knew the injury I might do by showing it and was careful
to express only joy at seeing her。 But the great event for us was told
in the words； 〃You shall have ice to…day！〃 She had often fretted the
year before that the water was not cold enough for me； who； never
drinking anything else； liked it iced。 God knows how many entreaties
it had cost her to get an ice…house built。 You know better than any
one that a word； a look； an inflection of the voice； a trifling
attention； suffices for love； love's noblest privilege is to prove
itself by love。 Well； her words； her look； her pleasure； showed me her
feelings； as I had formerly shown her mine by that first game of
backgammon。 These ingenuous proofs of her affection were many； on the
seventh day after my arrival she recovered her freshness； she sparkled
with health and youth and happiness； my lily expanded in beauty just
as the treasures of my heart increased。 Only in petty minds or in
common hearts can absence lessen love or efface the features or
diminish the beauty of our dear one。 To ardent imaginations； to all
beings through whose veins enthusiasm passes like a crimson tide； and
in whom passion takes the form of constancy； absence has the same
effect as the sufferings of the early Christians； which strengthened
their faith and made God visible to them。 In hearts that abound in
love are there not incessant longings for a desired object； to which
the glowing fire of our dreams gives higher value and a deeper tint？
Are we not conscious of instigations which give to the beloved
features the beauty of the ideal by inspiring them with thought？ The
past； dwelt on in all its details becomes magnified； the future teems
with hope。 When two hearts filled with these electric clouds meet each
other； their interview is like the welcome storm which revives the
earth and stimulates it with the swift lightnings of the thunderbolt。
How many tender pleasures came to me when I found the