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up to her； but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her。
She is like iron； which if beaten； can be fused with iron； but
when cold will break everything less hard than itself。 Cultivate
my mother； for if she thinks well of you she will introduce you
into certain houses where you can acquire the fatal science of the
world； the art of listening； speaking； answering； presenting
yourself to the company and taking leave of it； the precise use of
language； the somethinghow shall I explain it？which is no more
superiority than the coat is the man； but without which the
highest talent in the world will never be admitted within those
portals。
I know you well enough to be quite sure I indulge no illusion when
I imagine that I see you as I wish you to be； simple in manners；
gentle in tone； proud without conceit； respectful to the old；
courteous without servility； above all； discreet。 Use your wit but
never display it for the amusement of others； for be sure that if
your brilliancy annoys an inferior man； he will retire from the
field and say of you in a tone of contempt； 〃He is very amusing。〃
Let your superiority be leonine。 Moreover； do not be always
seeking to please others。 I advise a certain coldness in your
relations with men； which may even amount to indifference； this
will not anger others； for all persons esteem those who slight
them； and it will win you the favor of women； who will respect you
for the little consequence that you attach to men。 Never remain in
company with those who have lost their reputation； even though
they may not have deserved to do so； for society holds us
responsible for our friendships as well as for our enmities。 In
this matter let your judgments be slowly and maturely weighed； but
see that they are irrevocable。 When the men whom you have repulsed
justify the repulsion； your esteem and regard will be all the more
sought after； you have inspired the tacit respect which raises a
man among his peers。 I behold you now armed with a youth that
pleases； grace which attracts； and wisdom with which to preserve
your conquests。 All that I have now told you can be summed up in
two words； two old…fashioned words； 〃Noblesse oblige。〃
Now apply these precepts to the management of life。 You will hear
many persons say that strategy is the chief element of success；
that the best way to press through the crowd is to set some men
against other men and so take their places。 That was a good system
for the Middle Ages； when princes had to destroy their rivals by
pitting one against the other； but in these days； all things being
done in open day； I am afraid it would do you ill…service。 No； you
must meet your competitors face to face； be they loyal and true
men； or traitorous enemies whose weapons are calumny； evil…
speaking； and fraud。 But remember this； you have no more powerful
auxiliaries than these men themselves； they are their own enemies；
fight them with honest weapons； and sooner or later they are
condemned。 As to the first of them； loyal men and true； your
straightforwardness will obtain their respect； and the differences
between you once settled （for all things can be settled）； these
men will serve you。 Do not be afraid of making enemies； woe to him
who has none in the world you are about to enter； but try to give
no handle for ridicule or disparagement。 I say TRY； for in Paris a
man cannot always belong solely to himself； he is sometimes at the
mercy of circumstances； you will not always be able to avoid the
mud in the gutter nor the tile that falls from the roof。 The moral
world has gutters where persons of no reputation endeavor to
splash the mud in which they live upon men of honor。 But you can
always compel respect by showing that you are； under all
circumstances； immovable in your principles。 In the conflict of
opinions； in the midst of quarrels and cross…purposes； go straight
to the point； keep resolutely to the question； never fight except
for the essential thing； and put your whole strength into that。
You know how Monsieur de Mortsauf hates Napoleon； how he curses
him and pursues him as justice does a criminal； demanding
punishment day and night for the death of the Duc d'Enghien； the
only death； the only misfortune； that ever brought the tears to
his eyes； well； he nevertheless admired him as the greatest of
captains； and has often explained to me his strategy。 May not the
same tactics be applied to the war of human interests； they would
economize time as heretofore they economized men and space。 Think
this over； for as a woman I am liable to be mistaken on such
points which my sex judges only by instinct and sentiment。 One
point； however； I may insist on； all trickery； all deception； is
certain to be discovered and to result in doing harm； whereas
every situation presents less danger if a man plants himself
firmly on his own truthfulness。 If I may cite my own case； I can
tell you that； obliged as I am by Monsieur de Mortsauf's condition
to avoid litigation and to bring to an immediate settlement all
difficulties which arise in the management of Clochegourde； and
which would otherwise cause him an excitement under which his mind
would succumb； I have invariably settled matters promptly by
taking hold of the knot of the difficulty and saying to our
opponents： 〃We will either untie it or cut it！〃
It will often happen that you do a service to others and find
yourself ill…rewarded； I beg you not to imitate those who complain
of men and declare them to be all ungrateful。 That is putting
themselves on a pedestal indeed！ and surely it is somewhat silly
to admit their lack of knowledge of the world。 But you； I trust；
will not do good as a usurer lends his money； you will do itwill
you not？for good's sake。 Noblesse oblige。 Nevertheless； do not
bestow such services as to force others to ingratitude； for if you
do； they will become your most implacable enemies； obligations
sometimes lead to despair； like the despair of ruin itself； which
is capable of very desperate efforts。 As for yourself； accept as
little as you can from others。 Be no man's vassal； and bring
yourself out of your own difficulties。
You see； dear friend； I am advising you only on the lesser points
of life。 In the world of politics things wear a different aspect；
the rules which are to guide your individual steps give way before
the national interests。 If you reach that sphere where great men
revolve you will be； like God himself； the sole arbiter of your
determinations。 You will no longer be a man； but law； the living
law； no longer an individual； you are then the Nation incarnate。
But remember this； though you judge； you will yourself be judged；
hereafter you will be summoned before the ages； and you know
history well enough to be fully informed as to what deeds and what
sentiments have led to true grandeur。
I now come to a serious matter； your conduct towards women。
Wherever you visit make it a principle not to fritter yourself
away in a petty round of gallantry。 A man of the last century who
had great social success never paid attention to more than one
woman of an evening； choosing the one who seemed the most
neglected。 That man； my dear child； controlled his epoch。 He
wisely reckoned that by a given time all women would speak well of
him。 Many young men waste their most precious possession； namely；
the time necessary to create connections which contribute more
than all else to social success。 Your springtime is short；
endeavor to make the most of it。 Cultivate influential women。
Influential women are old women； they will teach you the
intermarriages and the secrets of all the families of the great
world； they will show you the cross…roads which will bring you
soonest to your goal。 They will be fond of you。 The bestowal of
protection is their last form of lovewhen they are not devout。
They will do you innumerable good services； sing your praises and
make you desirable