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to know if your education； derived wholly from schools； has
injured your nature。 God knows the joy with which I find you fit
for that further education of which I speak。
The manners of many who are brought up in the traditions of the
great world are purely external； true politeness； perfect manners；
come from the heart； and from a deep sense of personal dignity。
This is why some men of noble birth are； in spite of their
training； ill…mannered； while others； among the middle classes；
have instinctive good taste and only need a few lessons to give
them excellent manners without any signs of awkward imitation。
Believe a poor woman who no longer leaves her valley when she
tells you that this dignity of tone； this courteous simplicity in
words； in gesture； in bearing； and even in the character of the
home； is a living and material poem； the charm of which is
irresistible； imagine therefore what it is when it takes its
inspiration from the heart。 Politeness； dear； consists in seeming
to forget ourselves for others； with many it is social cant； laid
aside when personal self…interest shows its cloven…foot； a noble
then becomes ignoble。 Butand this is what I want you to
practise； Felixtrue politeness involves a Christian principle；
it is the flower of Love； it requires that we forget ourselves
really。 In memory of your Henriette； for her sake； be not a
fountain without water； have the essence and the form of true
courtesy。 Never fear to be the dupe and victim of this social
virtue； you will some day gather the fruit of seeds scattered
apparently to the winds。
My father used to say that one of the great offences of sham
politeness was the neglect of promises。 When anything is demanded
of you that you cannot do； refuse positively and leave no
loopholes for false hopes； on the other hand； grant at once
whatever you are willing to bestow。 Your prompt refusal will make
you friends as well as your prompt benefit； and your character
will stand the higher； for it is hard to say whether a promise
forgotten； a hope deceived does not make us more enemies than a
favor granted brings us friends。
Dear friend； there are certain little matters on which I may
dwell； for I know them； and it comes within my province to impart
them。 Be not too confiding； nor frivolous； nor over enthusiastic；
three rocks on which youth often strikes。 Too confiding a nature
loses respect； frivolity brings contempt； and others take
advantage of excessive enthusiasm。 In the first place； Felix； you
will never have more than two or three friends in the course of
your life。 Your entire confidence is their right； to give it to
many is to betray your real friends。 If you are more intimate with
some men than with others keep guard over yourself； be as cautious
as though you knew they would one day be your rivals； or your
enemies； the chances and changes of life require this。 Maintain an
attitude which is neither cold nor hot； find the medium point at
which a man can safely hold intercourse with others without
compromising himself。 Yes； believe me； the honest man is as far
from the base cowardice of Philinte as he is from the harsh virtue
of Alceste。 The genius of the poet is displayed in the mind of
this true medium； certainly all minds do enjoy more the ridicule
of virtue than the sovereign contempt of easy…going selfishness
which underlies that picture of it； but all； nevertheless； are
prompted to keep themselves from either extreme。
As to frivolity； if it causes fools to proclaim you a charming
man； others who are accustomed to judge of men's capacities and
fathom character； will winnow out your tare and bring you to
disrepute； for frivolity is the resource of weak natures； and
weakness is soon appraised in a society which regards its members
as nothing more than organsand perhaps justly； for nature
herself puts to death imperfect beings。 A woman's protecting
instincts may be roused by the pleasure she feels in supporting
the weak against the strong； and in leading the intelligence of
the heart to victory over the brutality of matter； but society；
less a mother than a stepmother； adores only the children who
flatter her vanity。
As to ardent enthusiasm； that first sublime mistake of youth；
which finds true happiness in using its powers； and begins by
being its own dupe before it is the dupe of others； keep it within
the region of the heart's communion； keep it for woman and for
God。 Do not hawk its treasures in the bazaars of society or of
politics； where trumpery will be offered in exchange for them。
Believe the voice which commands you to be noble in all things
when it also prays you not to expend your forces uselessly。
Unhappily； men will rate you according to your usefulness； and not
according to your worth。 To use an image which I think will strike
your poetic mind； let a cipher be what it may； immeasurable in
size； written in gold； or written in pencil； it is only a cipher
after all。 A man of our times has said； 〃No zeal； above all； no
zeal！〃 The lesson may be sad； but it is true； and it saves the
soul from wasting its bloom。 Hide your pure sentiments； or put
them in regions inaccessible； where their blossoms may be
passionately admired； where the artist may dream amorously of his
master…piece。 But duties； my friend； are not sentiments。 To do
what we ought is by no means to do what we like。 A man who would
give his life enthusiastically for a woman must be ready to die
coldly for his country。
One of the most important rules in the science of manners is that
of almost absolute silence about ourselves。 Play a little comedy
for your own instruction； talk of yourself to acquaintances； tell
them about your sufferings； your pleasures； your business； and you
will see how indifference succeeds pretended interest； then
annoyance follows； and if the mistress of the house does not find
some civil way of stopping you the company will disappear under
various pretexts adroitly seized。 Would you； on the other hand；
gather sympathies about you and be spoken of as amiable and witty；
and a true friend？ talk to others of themselves； find a way to
bring them forward； and brows will clear； lips will smile； and
after you leave the room all present will praise you。 Your
conscience and the voice of your own heart will show you the line
where the cowardice of flattery begins and the courtesy of
intercourse ceases。
One word more about a young man's demeanor in public。 My dear
friend； youth is always inclined to a rapidity of judgment which
does it honor； but also injury。 This was why the old system of
education obliged young people to keep silence and study life in a
probationary period beside their elders。 Formerly； as you know；
nobility； like art； had its apprentices； its pages； devoted body
and soul to the masters who maintained them。 To…day youth is
forced in a hot…house； it is trained to judge of thoughts；
actions； and writings with biting severity； it slashes with a
blade that has not been fleshed。 Do not make this mistake。 Such
judgments will seem like censures to many about you； who would
sooner pardon an open rebuke than a secret wound。 Young people are
pitiless because they know nothing of life and its difficulties。
The old critic is kind and considerate； the young critic is
implacable； the one knows nothing； the other knows all。 Moreover；
at the bottom of all human actions there is a labyrinth of
determining reasons on which God reserves for himself the final
judgment。 Be severe therefore to none but yourself。
Your future is before you； but no one in the world can make his
way unaided。 Therefore； make use of my father's house； its doors
are open to you； the connections that you will create for yourself
under his roof will serve you in a hundred ways。 But do not yield
an inch of ground to my mother； she will crush any one who gives
up to her； but she will admire the courage of whoever resists her。
She