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wrong； all ye who enter life through barren ways； on whom men's faces
everywhere look coldly； to whom ears close and hearts are shut； cease
your complaints！ You alone can know the infinitude of joy held in that
moment when one heart opens to you； one ear listens； one look answers
yours。 A single day effaces all past evil。 Sorrow； despondency；
despair； and melancholy； passed but not forgotten； are links by which
the soul then fastens to its mate。 Woman falls heir to all our past；
our sighs； our lost illusions； and gives them back to us ennobled； she
explains those former griefs as payment claimed by destiny for joys
eternal； which she brings to us on the day our souls are wedded。 The
angels alone can utter the new name by which that sacred love is
called； and none but women； dear martyrs； truly know what Madame de
Mortsauf now became to meto me； poor and desolate。
CHAPTER II
FIRST LOVE
This scene took place on a Tuesday。 I waited until Sunday and did not
cross the river。 During those five days great events were happening at
Clochegourde。 The count received his brevet as general of brigade； the
cross of Saint Louis； and a pension of four thousand francs。 The Duc
de Lenoncourt…Givry； made peer of France； recovered possession of two
forests； resumed his place at court； and his wife regained all her
unsold property； which had been made part of the imperial crown lands。
The Comtesse de Mortsauf thus became an heiress。 Her mother had
arrived at Clochegourde； bringing her a hundred thousand francs
economized at Givry； the amount of her dowry； still unpaid and never
asked for by the count in spite of his poverty。 In all such matters of
external life the conduct of this man was proudly disinterested。
Adding to this sum his own few savings he was able to buy two
neighboring estates； which would yield him some nine thousand francs a
year。 His son would of course succeed to the grandfather's peerage；
and the count now saw his way to entail the estate upon him without
injury to Madeleine； for whom the Duc de Lenoncourt would no doubt
assist in promoting a good marriage。
These arrangements and this new happiness shed some balm upon the
count's sore mind。 The presence of the Duchesse de Lenoncourt at
Clochegourde was a great event to the neighborhood。 I reflected
gloomily that she was a great lady； and the thought made me conscious
of the spirit of caste in the daughter which the nobility of her
sentiments had hitherto hidden from me。 Who was Ipoor；
insignificant； and with no future but my courage and my faculties？ I
did not then think of the consequences of the Restoration either for
me or for others。 On Sunday morning； from the private chapel where I
sat with Monsieur and Madame de Chessel and the Abbe de Quelus； I cast
an eager glance at another lateral chapel occupied by the duchess and
her daughter； the count and his children。 The large straw hat which
hid my idol from me did not tremble； and this unconsciousness of my
presence seemed to bind me to her more than all the past。 This noble
Henriette de Lenoncourt； my Henriette； whose life I longed to garland；
was praying earnestly； faith gave to her figure an abandonment； a
prosternation； the attitude of some religious statue； which moved me
to the soul。
According to village custom； vespers were said soon after mass。 Coming
out of church Madame de Chessel naturally proposed to her neighbors to
pass the intermediate time at Frapesle instead of crossing the Indre
and the meadows twice in the great heat。 The offer was accepted。
Monsieur de Chessel gave his arm to the duchess； Madame de Chessel
took that of the count。 I offered mine to the countess； and felt； for
the first time； that beautiful arm against my side。 As we walked from
the church to Frapesle by the woods of Sache； where the light；
filtering down through the foliage； made those pretty patterns on the
path which seem like painted silk； such sensations of pride； such
ideas took possession of me that my heart beat violently。
〃What is the matter？〃 she said； after walking a little way in a
silence I dared not break。 〃Your heart beats too fast〃
〃I have heard of your good fortune；〃 I replied； 〃and； like all others
who love truly； I am beset with vague fears。 Will your new dignities
change you and lessen your friendship？〃
〃Change me！〃 she said； 〃oh； fie！ Another such idea and I shallnot
despise you； but forget you forever。〃
I looked at her with an ecstasy which should have been contagious。
〃We profit by the new laws which we have neither brought about nor
demanded；〃 she said； 〃but we are neither place…hunters nor beggars；
besides； as you know very well； neither Monsieur de Mortsauf nor I can
leave Clochegourde。 By my advice he has declined the command to which
his rank entitled him at the Maison Rouge。 We are quite content that
my father should have the place。 This forced modesty；〃 she added with
some bitterness； 〃has already been of service to our son。 The king； to
whose household my father is appointed； said very graciously that he
would show Jacques the favor we were not willing to accept。 Jacques'
education； which must now be thought of； is already being discussed。
He will be the representative of two houses； the Lenoncourt and the
Mortsauf families。 I can have no ambition except for him； and
therefore my anxieties seem to have increased。 Not only must Jacques
live； but he must be made worthy of his name； two necessities which；
as you know； conflict。 And then； later； what friend will keep him safe
for me in Paris； where all things are pitfalls for the soul and
dangers for the body？ My friend；〃 she said； in a broken voice； 〃who
could not see upon your brow and in your eyes that you are one who
will inhabit heights？ Be some day the guardian and sponsor of our boy。
Go to Paris； if your father and brother will not second you； our
family； above all my mother； who has a genius for the management of
life； will help you。 Profit by our influence； you will never be
without support in whatever career you choose； put the strength of
your desires into a noble ambition〃
〃I understand you；〃 I said； interrupting her； 〃ambition is to be my
mistress。 I have no need of that to be wholly yours。 No； I will not be
rewarded for my obedience here by receiving favors there。 I will go； I
will make my own way； I will rise alone。 From you I would accept
everything； from others nothing。〃
〃Child！〃 she murmured； ill…concealing a smile of pleasure。
〃Besides； I have taken my vows；〃 I went on。 〃Thinking over our
situation I am resolved to bind myself to you by ties that never can
be broken。〃
She trembled slightly and stopped short to look at me。
〃What do you mean？〃 she asked； letting the couples who preceded us
walk on； and keeping the children at her side。
〃This；〃 I said； 〃but first tell me frankly how you wish me to love
you。〃
〃Love me as my aunt loved me； I gave you her rights when I permitted
you to call me by the name which she chose for her own among my
others。〃
〃Then I am to love without hope and with an absolute devotion。 Well；
yes； I will do for you what some men do for God。 I shall feel that you
have asked it。 I will enter a seminary and make myself a priest； and
then I will educate your son。 Jacques shall be myself in his own form；
political conceptions； thoughts； energy； patience； I will give him
all。 In that way I shall live near to you； and my love； enclosed in
religion as a silver image in a crystal shrine； can never be suspected
of evil。 You will not have to fear the undisciplined passions which
grasp a man and by which already I have allowed myself to be
vanquished。 I will consume my own being in the flame； and I will love
you with a purified love。〃
She turned pale and said； hurrying her words： 〃Felix； do not put
yourself in bonds that might prove an obstacle to our happiness。 I
should die of grief for having caused a suicide like that。 Child； do
you think despairing love a life's vocation？ Wait for life's trials
before you judge of life； I command it。 Marry neither the Church nor a
woman； marry not at all；I forbid it。 Remain free。 You are twenty…one
years oldMy God！ can I have mistaken him？