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After ten months' sojourn at Pondevaux； I went to Lyons； and entered
（still as parlour…boarder only） the House of Anticaille； occupied by the
nuns of the Order of Saint Mary。 Here； I enjoyed the advantage of
having for director of my conscience that holy man； Father Deveaux。 He
belonged to the Order of the Jesuits； and he was good enough； when I first
asked him for advice； to suggest that I should get up at eleven o'clock at
night to say my prayers； and should remain absorbed in devotion until
midnight。 In obedience to the directions of this saintly person； I kept
myself awake as well as I could till eleven o'clock。 I then got on my
knees with great fervour； and I blush to confess it； immediately fell as fast
asleep as a dormouse。 This went on for several nights； when Father
Deveaux finding that my midnight devotions were rather too much for me；
was so obliging as to prescribe another species of pious exercise； in a letter
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which he wrote to me with his own hand。 The holy father； after deeply
regretting my inability to keep awake； informed me that he had a new act
of penitence to suggest to me by the performance of which I might still
hope to expiate my sins。 He then； in the plainest terms； advised me to
have recourse to the discipline of flagellation； every Friday； using the cat…
o'…nine…tails on my bare shoulders for the length of time that it would take
to repeat a Miserere。 In conclusion； he informed me that the nuns of
Anticaille would probably lend me the necessary instrument of flagellation；
but； if they made any difficulty about it； he was benevolently ready to
furnish me with a new and special cat…o'…nine…tails of his own making。
Never was woman more amazed or more angry than I； when I first
read this letter。 〃What！〃 cried I to myself； 〃does this man seriously
recommend me to lash my own shoulders？ Just Heaven； what
impertinence！ And yet； is it not my duty to put up with it？ Does not
this apparent insolence proceed from the pen of a holy man？ If he tells
me to flog my wickedness out of me； is it not my bounden duty to lay on
the scourge with all my might immediately？ Sinner that I am！ I am
thinking remorsefully of my plump shoulders and the dimples on my back；
when I ought to be thinking of nothing but the cat…o'…nine…tails and
obedience to Father Deveaux？〃
These reflections soon gave me the resolution which I had wanted at
first。 I was ashamed to ask the nuns for an instrument of flagellation； so I
made one for myself of stout cord； pitilessly knotted at very short intervals。
This done； I shut myself up while the nuns were at prayer； uncovered my
shoulders； and rained such a shower of lashes on them； in the first fervour
of my newly…awakened zeal； that I fairly flogged myself down on the
ground； flat on my nose； before I had repeated more of the Miserere than
the first two or three lines。
I burst out crying； shedding tears of spite against myself when I ought
to have been shedding tears of devotional gratitude for the kindness of
Father Deveaux。 All through the night I never closed my eyes； and in the
morning I found my poor shoulders （once so generally admired for their
whiteness） striped with all the colours of the rainbow。 The sight threw
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me into a passion； and I profanely said to myself while I was dressing；
〃The next time I see Father Deveaux； I will give my tongue full swing；
and make the hair of that holy man stand on end with terror！〃 A few
hours afterwards； he came to the convent； and all my resolution melted
away at the sight of him。 His imposing exterior had such an effect on me
that I could only humbly entreat him to excuse me from indicting a second
flagellation on myself。 He smiled； benignantly； and granted my request
with a saintly amiability。 〃Give me the cat…o'…nine…tails；〃 he said； in
conclusion； 〃and I will keep it for you till you ask me for it again。 You
are sure to ask for it again； dear childto ask for it on your bended knees！〃
Pious and prophetic man！ Before many days had passed his words
came true。 If he had persisted severely in ordering me to flog myself； I
might have opposed him for months together； but； as it was； who could
resist the amiable indulgence he showed towards my weakness？ The
very next day after my interview； I began to feel ashamed of my own
cowardice； and the day after that I went down on my knees； exactly as he
had predicted； and said； 〃Father Deveaux； give me back my cat…o'…nine…
tails。〃 From that time I cheerfully underwent the discipline of
flagellation； learning the regular method of practising it from the
sisterhood； and feeling； in a spiritual point of view； immensely the better
for it。
The nuns； finding that I cheerfully devoted myself to every act of self…
sacrifice prescribed by the rules of their convent； wondered very much that
I still hesitated about taking the veil。 I begged them not to mention the
subject to me till my mind was quite made up about it。 They respected
my wish； and said no more； but they lent me books to read which assisted
in strengthening my wavering resolution。 Among these books was the
Life of Madame de Montmorenci； who； after the shocking death of her
husband； entered the Order of St。 Mary。 The great example of this lady
made me reflect seriously； and I communicated my thoughts； as a matter
of course； to Father Deveaux。 He assured me that the one last greatest
sacrifice which remained for me to make was the sacrifice of my liberty。
I had long known that this was my duty； and I now felt； for the first time；
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that I had courage and resolution enough boldly to face the idea of taking
the veil。
While I was in this happy frame of mind； I happened to meet with the
history of the famous Rance； founder； or rather reformer； of the Order of
La Trappe。 I found a strange similarity between my own worldly errors
and those of this illustrious penitent。 The discovery had such an effect on
me； that I spurned all idea of entering a convent where the rules were
comparatively easy； as was the case at Anticaille； and determined； when I
did take the veil； to enter an Order whose discipline was as severe as the
discipline of La Trappe itself。 Father Deveaux informed me that I should
find exactly what I wanted among the Carmelite nuns； and； by his advice；
I immediately put myself in communication with the Archbishop of
Villeroi。 I opened my heart to this worthy prelate； convinced him of my
sincerity； and gained from him a promise that he would get me admitted