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the last time。 Strict orders have been given； I am not to be allowed to see
Mademoiselle Jeanne。 I beg the servant to be so kind as to tell me how the
child is。 The servant； after looking to her right and then to her left； tells me
that Mademoiselle Jeanne is well； and then shuts the door in my face。 And
I am all alone in the street again。
How many times since then have I wandered in the same way under
that wall； and passed before the little door；full of shame and despair to
find myself even weaker than that poor child； who has no other help of
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friend except myself in the world！
Finally I overcame my repugnance sufficiently to call upon Maitre
Mouche。 The first thing I remarked was that his office is much more dusty
and much more mouldy this year that it was last year。 The notary made his
appearance after a moment； with his familiar stiff gestures； and his restless
eyes quivering behind his eye…glasses。 I made my complaints to him。 He
answered me。。。。 But why should I write down； even in a notebook which I
am going to burn； my recollections of a downright scoundrel？ He takes
sides with Mademoiselle Prefere； whose intelligent mind and
irreproachable character he has long appreciated。 He does not feel himself
in a position to decide the nature of the question at issue； but he must
assure me that appearances have been greatly against me。 That of course
makes no difference to me。 He adds（and this does make some sense to
me）that the small sum which had been placed in his hands to defray the
expenses of the education of his ward has been expended； and that； in
view of the circumstances； he cannot but gently admire the
disinterestedness of Mademoiselle Prefere in consenting to allow
Mademoiselle Jeanne to remain with her。
A magnificent light； the light of a perfect day； floods the sordid place
with its incorruptible torrent； and illuminates teh person of that man！
And outside it pours down its splendour upon all the wretchedness of a
populous quarter。
How sweet it is；this light with which my eyes have so long been
filled； and which ere long I must for ever cease to enjoy！ I wander out with
my hands behind me； dreaming as I go； following the line of the
fortifications； and I find myself after awhile； I know not how； in an out…of…
the…way suburb full of miserable little gardens。 By the dusty roadside I
observe a plant whose flower； at once dark and splendid； seems worthy of
association with the noblest and purest mouning for the dead。 It is a
columbine。 Our fathers called it 〃Our Lady's Glove〃le gant de Notre…
Dame。 Only such a 〃Notre…Dame〃 as might make herself very； very small；
for the sake of appearing to little children； could ever slip her dainty
fingers into the narrow capsue of that flower。
And there is a big bumble…bee who tries to force himself into the
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flower； brutally； but his mouth cannot reach the nectar； and the poor
glutton strives and strives in vain。 He has to give up the attempt； and
comes out of the flower all smeared over with pollen。 He flies off in his
own heavy lumbering way； but there are not many flowers in this portion
of the suburbs； which has been defiled by the soot and smoke of factories。
So he comes back to the columbine again； and this time he pierces the
corolla and sucks the honey through the little hole which he has made； I
should never have thought that a bumble…bee had so much sense！ Why；
that is admirble！ The more I observe； them； the more do insects and
flowers fill me with astonishment。 I am like that good Rollin who went
wild with delight over the flowers of his peach…trees。 I wish I could have a
fine garden； and live at the verge of a wood。
August； September。
It occurred to me one Sunday morning to watch for the moment when
Mademoiselle Prefere's pupils were leaving the school in procession to
attand Mass at the parish church。 I watched them passing two by two；the
little ones first with very serious faces。 There were three of them all
dressed exactly alikedumpy； plump； important… looking little creatures；
whom I recognized at once as the Mouton girls。 Their elder sister is the
artist who drew that terrrible head of Tatius； King of the Sabines。 Beside
the column； the assistant school…teacher； with her prayer…book in her hand；
was gesturing and frowning。 Then came the next oldest class； and finally
the big girls； all whispering to each other； as they went by。 But I did not
see Jeanne。
I went to police…headquarters and inquired whether they chanced to
have； filed away somewhere or other； any information regarding the
establishment in the Rue Demours。 I succeeded in inducing them to send
some female inspectors there。 These returned bringing with them the most
favourable reports about the establishment。 In their opinion the Prefere
School was a model school。 It is evident that if I were to force an
investigation； Mademoiselle Prefere would receive academic honours。
October 3。
This Thursday being a school…holiday I had teh chance of meeting the
three little Mouton girls in the vicinity of the Rue Demours。 After bowing
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to their mother； I asked the eldest who appears to be about ten years old；
how was her playmate； Mademoiselle Jeanne Alexandre。
The little Mouton girl answered me； all in a breath；
〃Jeanne Alexandre is not my playmate。 She is only kept in the school
for charityso they make her sweep the class…rooms。 It was Mademoiselle
who said so。 And Jeanne Alexandre is a bad girl； so they lock her up in the
dark roomand it serves her rightand I am a good girland I am never
locked up in the dark room。〃
The three little girls resumed their walk； and Madame Mouton
followed close behind them； looking back over her broad shoulder at me；
in a very suspicious manner。
Alas！ I find myself reduced to expedients of a questionable character。
Madame de Gabry will not come back to Paris for at least three months
more； at the very soonest。 Without her； I have no tact； I have no common
senseI am nothing but a cumbersome； clumsy； mischief…making
machine。
Nevertheless； I cannot possibly permit them to make Jeanne a
boarding…school servant！
December 28。
The idea that Jeanne was obliged to sweep the rooms had become
absolutely unbearable。
The weather was dark and cold。 Night had already begun。 I rang the
school…door bell with the tranquillity of a resolute man。 The moment that
the timid servant opened the door； I slipped a gold piece into her hand； and
promised her another if she would arrange matters so that I could see
Mademoiselle Alexandre。 Her answer was； 〃In one hour from now； at the
grated wind