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bet is an insult to you： don't you feel that？ After what you have
done for our country
AUGUSTUS。 Oh； never mind that。 It is the idiocy of the thing I
look at。 He'll lose his bet； and serve him right！
THE LADY。 You feel sure you will be able to resist the siren？ I
warn you； she is very fascinating。
AUGUSTUS。 You need have no fear； madam。 I hope she will come and
try it on。 Fascination is a game that two can play at。 For
centuries the younger sons of the Highcastles have had nothing to
do but fascinate attractive females when they were not sitting on
Royal Commissions or on duty at Knightsbridge barracks。 By Gad；
madam； if the siren comes here she will meet her match。
THE LADY。 I feel that。 But if she fails to seduce you
AUGUSTUS ＇blushing＇。 Madam！
THE LADY ＇continuing＇from your allegiance
AUGUSTUS。 Oh； that！
THE LADY。 she will resort to fraud； to force； to anything。 She
will burgle your office： she will have you attacked and garotted
at night in the street。
AUGUSTUS。 Pooh！ I'm not afraid。
THE LADY。 Oh； your courage will only tempt you into danger。 She
may get the list after all。 It is true that the guns are moved。
But she would win her bet。
AUGUSTUS ＇cautiously＇。 You did not say that the guns were moved。
You said that Blueloo had ordered them to be moved。
THE LADY。 Well； that is the same thing； isn't it？
AUGUSTUS。 Not quiteat the War Office。 No doubt those guns WILL
be moved： possibly even before the end of the war。
THE LADY。 Then you think they are there still！ But if the German
War Office gets the listand she will copy it before she gives
it back to Blueloo； you may depend on itall is lost。
AUGUSTUS ＇lazily＇。 Well； I should not go as far as that。
＇Lowering his voice。＇ Will you swear to me not to repeat what I
am going to say to you； for if the British public knew that I had
said it； I should be at once hounded down as a pro…German。
THE LADY。 I will be silent as the grave。 I swear it。
AUGUSTUS ＇again taking it easily＇。 Well； our people have for some
reason made up their minds that the German War Office is
everything that our War Office is notthat it carries
promptitude； efficiency； and organization to a pitch of
completeness and perfection that must be； in my opinion；
destructive to the happiness of the staff。 My own viewwhich you
are pledged； remember； not to betrayis that the German War
Office is no better than any other War Office。 I found that
opinion on my observation of the characters of my
brothers…in…law： one of whom； by the way； is on the German
general staff。 I am not at all sure that this list of gun
emplacements would receive the smallest attention。 You see； there
are always so many more important things to be attended to。
Family matters； and so on； you understand。
THE LADY。 Still； if a question were asked in the House of
Commons
AUGUSTUS。 The great advantage of being at war； madam； is that
nobody takes the slightest notice of the House of Commons。 No
doubt it is sometimes necessary for a Minister to soothe the more
seditious members of that assembly by giving a pledge or two； but
the War Office takes no notice of such things。
THE LADY ＇staring at him＇。 Then you think this list of gun
emplacements doesn't matter！！
AUGUSTUS。 By no means； madam。 It matters very much indeed。 If
this spy were to obtain possession of the list； Blueloo would
tell the story at every dinner…table in London； and
THE LADY。 And you might lose your post。 Of course。
AUGUSTUS ＇amazed and indignant＇。 I lose my post！ What are you
dreaming about； madam？ How could I possibly be spared？ There are
hardly Highcastles enough at present to fill half the posts
created by this war。 No： Blueloo would not go that far。 He is at
least a gentleman。 But I should be chaffed； and； frankly； I don't
like being chaffed。
THE LADY。 Of course not。 Who does？ It would never do。 Oh never；
never。
AUGUSTUS。 I'm glad you see it in that light。 And now； as a
measure of security； I shall put that list in my pocket。 ＇He
begins searching vainly from drawer to drawer in the
writing…table。＇ Where on earth？ What the dickens did I？
That's very odd： IWhere the deuce？ I thought I had put it in
theOh； here it is！ No： this is Lucy's last letter。
THE LADY ＇elegiacally＇。 Lucy's Last Letter！ What a title for a
picture play！
AUGUSTUS ＇delighted＇。 Yes： it is； isn't it？ Lucy appeals to the
imagination like no other woman。 By the way ＇handing over the
letter＇； I wonder could you read it for me？ Lucy is a darling
girl； but I really can't read her writing。 In London I get the
office typist to decipher it and make me a typed copy； but here
there is nobody。
THE LADY ＇puzzling over it＇。 It is really almost illegible。 I
think the beginning is meant for 〃Dearest Gus。〃
AUGUSTUS ＇eagerly＇。 Yes： that is what she usually calls me。
Please go on。
THE LADY ＇trying to decipher it＇。 〃What a〃〃what a〃oh yes：
〃what a forgetful old〃something〃you are！〃 I can't make out
the word。
AUGUSTUS ＇greatly interested＇。 Is it blighter？ That is a favorite
expression of hers。
THE LADY。 I think so。 At all events it begins with a B。
＇Reading。＇ 〃What a forgetful old〃＇she is interrupted by a knock
at the door。＇
AUGUSTUS ＇impatiently＇。 Come in。 ＇The clerk enters； clean shaven
and in khaki； with an official paper and an envelope in his
hand。＇ What is this ridiculous mummery sir？
THE CLERK ＇coming to the table and exhibiting his uniform to
both＇。 They've passed me。 The recruiting officer come for me。
I've had my two and seven。
AUGUSTUS ＇rising wrathfully＇。 I shall not permit it。 What do they
mean by taking my office staff？ Good God！ they will be taking our
hunt servants next。 ＇Confronting the clerk。＇ What did the man
mean？ What did he say？
THE CLERK。 He said that now you was on the job we'd want another
million men； and he was going to take the old…age pensioners or
anyone he could get。
AUGUSTUS。 And did you dare to knock at my door and interrupt my
business with this lady to repeat this man's ineptitudes？
THE CLERK。 No。 I come because the waiter from the hotel brought
this paper。 You left it on the coffeeroom breakfast…table this
morning。
THE LADY ＇intercepting it＇。 It is the list。 Good heavens！
THE CLERK ＇proffering the envelope＇。 He says he thinks this is
the envelope belonging to it。
THE LADY ＇snatching the envelope also＇。 Yes！ Addressed to you；
Lord Augustus！ ＇Augustus comes back to the table to look at it。＇
Oh； how imprudent！ Everybody would guess its importance with your
name on it。 Fortunately I have some letters of my own here
＇opening her wallet。＇ Why not hide it in one of my envelopes？
then no one will dream that the enclosure is of any political
value。 ＇Taking out a letter； she crosses the room towards the
window； whispering to Augustus as she passes him。＇ Get rid of
that man。
AUGUSTUS ＇haughtily approaching the clerk； who humorously makes a
paralytic attempt to stand at attention＇。 Have you any further
business here； pray？
THE CLERK。 Am I to give the waiter anything； or will you do it
yourself？
AUGUSTUS。 Which waiter is it？ The English one？
THE CLERK。 No： the one that calls hisself a Swiss。 Shouldn't
wonder if he'd made a copy of that paper。
AUGUSTUS。 Keep your impertinent surmises to yourself； sir。
Remember that you are in the army now； and let me have no more of
your civilian insubordination。 Attention！ Left turn！ Quick march！
THE CLERK ＇stolidly＇。 I dunno what you mean。
AUGUSTUS。 Go to the guard…room and report yourself for disobeying
orders。 Now do you know what I mean？
THE CLERK。 Now look here。 I ain't going to argue with you
AUGUSTUS。 Nor I with you。 Out with you。
He seizes the clerk： and rushes him through the door。 The moment
the lady is left alone； she snatches a sheet of official paper
from the stationery rack： folds it so that it resembles the list；
compares the two to see that they look exactly alike： whips the
list into her wallet： and substitutes the facsimile for it。 Then
she listens for the return of Augustus。 A crash is heard； as of
the clerk falling downstairs。
Augustus returns and is about to close the door when the voice of
the clerk is heard from below。
THE