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prevent them from even thinking of treating criminals with that
contemptuous tone which would seem to say； 〃I； if I were you；
should be a better man than you are；〃 a tone which is held quite
reasonable in regard to physical ailment。 Hence； though they
conceal ill health by every cunning and hypocrisy and artifice
which they can devise； they are quite open about the most flagrant
mental diseases； should they happen to exist； which to do the
people justice is not often。 Indeed； there are some who are； so to
speak； spiritual valetudinarians； and who make themselves
exceedingly ridiculous by their nervous supposition that they are
wicked； while they are very tolerable people all the time。 This
however is exceptional； and on the whole they use much the same
reserve or unreserve about the state of their moral welfare as we
do about our health。
Hence all the ordinary greetings among ourselves； such as； How do
you do？ and the like； are considered signs of gross ill…breeding；
nor do the politer classes tolerate even such a common
complimentary remark as telling a man that he is looking well。
They salute each other with； 〃I hope you are good this morning；〃 or
〃I hope you have recovered from the snappishness from which you
were suffering when I last saw you；〃 and if the person saluted has
not been good； or is still snappish； he says so at once and is
condoled with accordingly。 Indeed； the straighteners have gone so
far as to give names from the hypothetical language （as taught at
the Colleges of Unreason）； to all known forms of mental
indisposition； and to classify them according to a system of their
own； which； though I could not understand it； seemed to work well
in practice； for they are always able to tell a man what is the
matter with him as soon as they have heard his story； and their
familiarity with the long names assures him that they thoroughly
understand his case。
The reader will have no difficulty in believing that the laws
regarding ill health were frequently evaded by the help of
recognised fictions； which every one understood； but which it would
be considered gross ill…breeding to even seem to understand。 Thus；
a day or two after my arrival at the Nosnibors'； one of the many
ladies who called on me made excuses for her husband's only sending
his card； on the ground that when going through the public market…
place that morning he had stolen a pair of socks。 I had already
been warned that I should never show surprise； so I merely
expressed my sympathy； and said that though I had only been in the
capital so short a time； I had already had a very narrow escape
from stealing a clothes…brush； and that though I had resisted
temptation so far； I was sadly afraid that if I saw any object of
special interest that was neither too hot nor too heavy； I should
have to put myself in the straightener's hands。
Mrs。 Nosnibor； who had been keeping an ear on all that I had been
saying； praised me when the lady had gone。 Nothing； she said；
could have been more polite according to Erewhonian etiquette。 She
then explained that to have stolen a pair of socks； or 〃to have the
socks〃 （in more colloquial language）； was a recognised way of
saying that the person in question was slightly indisposed。
In spite of all this they have a keen sense of the enjoyment
consequent upon what they call being 〃well。〃 They admire mental
health and love it in other people； and take all the pains they can
（consistently with their other duties） to secure it for themselves。
They have an extreme dislike to marrying into what they consider
unhealthy families。 They send for the straightener at once
whenever they have been guilty of anything seriously flagitious
often even if they think that they are on the point of committing
it； and though his remedies are sometimes exceedingly painful；
involving close confinement for weeks； and in some cases the most
cruel physical tortures； I never heard of a reasonable Erewhonian
refusing to do what his straightener told him； any more than of a
reasonable Englishman refusing to undergo even the most frightful
operation； if his doctors told him it was necessary。
We in England never shrink from telling our doctor what is the
matter with us merely through the fear that he will hurt us。 We
let him do his worst upon us； and stand it without a murmur；
because we are not scouted for being ill； and because we know that
the doctor is doing his best to cure us； and that he can judge of
our case better than we can； but we should conceal all illness if
we were treated as the Erewhonians are when they have anything the
matter with them； we should do the same as with moral and
intellectual diseases；we should feign health with the most
consummate art； till we were found out； and should hate a single
flogging given in the way of mere punishment more than the
amputation of a limb； if it were kindly and courteously performed
from a wish to help us out of our difficulty； and with the full
consciousness on the part of the doctor that it was only by an
accident of constitution that he was not in the like plight
himself。 So the Erewhonians take a flogging once a week； and a
diet of bread and water for two or three months together； whenever
their straightener recommends it。
I do not suppose that even my host； on having swindled a confiding
widow out of the whole of her property； was put to more actual
suffering than a man will readily undergo at the hands of an
English doctor。 And yet he must have had a very bad time of it。
The sounds I heard were sufficient to show that his pain was
exquisite； but he never shrank from undergoing it。 He was quite
sure that it did him good； and I think he was right。 I cannot
believe that that man will ever embezzle money again。 He maybut
it will be a long time before he does so。
During my confinement in prison； and on my journey； I had already
discovered a great deal of the above； but it still seemed
surpassingly strange； and I was in constant fear of committing some
piece of rudeness； through my inability to look at things from the
same stand…point as my neighbours； but after a few weeks' stay with
the Nosnibors； I got to understand things better； especially on
having heard all about my host's illness； of which he told me fully
and repeatedly。
It seemed that he had been on the Stock Exchange of the city for
many years and had amassed enormous wealth； without exceeding the
limits of what was generally considered justifiable； or at any
rate； permissible dealing； but at length on several occasions he
had become aware of a desire to make money by fraudulent
representations； and had actually dealt with two or three sums in a
way which had made him rather uncomfortable。 He had unfortunately
made light of it and pooh…poohed the ailment； until circumstances
eventually presented themselves which enabled him to cheat upon a
very considerable scale；he told me what they were； and they were
about as bad as anything could be； but I need not detail them；he
seized the opportunity； and became aware； when it was too late；
that he must be seriously out of order。 He had neglected himself
too long。
He drove home at once； broke the news to his wife and daughters as
gently as he could； and sent off for one of the most celebrated
straighteners of the kingdom to a consultation with the family
practitioner； for the case was plainly serious。 On the arrival of
the straightener he told his story； and expressed his fear that his
morals must be permanently impaired。
The eminent man reassured him with a few cheering words； and then
proceeded to make a more careful diagnosis of the case。 He
inquired concerning Mr。 Nosnibor's parentshad their moral health
been good？ He was answered that there had not been anything
seriously amiss with them； but that his maternal grandfather； whom
he was supposed to resemble somewhat in person； had been a
consummate scoundrel and had ended his days in a hospital；while a
brother of his father's； after having led a most flagitious life
for many years； had been at last cured by a philosopher of a new
school； which as far as I could understand it bore much the same
rel