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But stop a minute。 Caution。 This boy must be put through a few
preliminary paces。
Name； Jo。 Nothing else that he knows on。 Don’t know that
everybody has two names。 Never heerd of sich a think。 Don’t know
that Jo is short for a longer name。 Thinks it long enough for him。
He don’t find no fault with it。 Spell it？ No。 He can’t spell it。 No
father； no mother； no friends。 Never been to school。 What’s home？
Knows a broom’s a broom； and knows it’s wicked to tell a lie。 Don’t
recollect who told him about the broom； or about the lie； but
knows both。 Can’t exactly say what’ll be done to him arter he’s
dead if he tells a lie to the gentlemen； here； but believes it’ll be
something wery bad to punish him； and serve him right—and so
he’ll tell the truth。
“This won’t do； gentlemen！” says the Coroner； with a
melancholy shake of the head。
“Don’t you think you can receive his evidence； sir？” asks an
attentive Juryman。
“Out of the question；” says the Coroner。 “You have heard the
boy。 ‘Can’t exactly say’ won’t do； you know。 We can’t take that； in a
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Court of Justice； gentlemen。 It’s terrible depravity。 Put the boy
aside。”
Boy put aside； to the great edification of the audience；—
especially of Little Swills； the Comic Vocalist。
Now。 Is there any other witness？ No other witness。
Very well； gentlemen！ Here’s a man unknown； proved to have
been in the habit of taking opium in large quantities for a year and
a half； found dead of too much opium。 If you think you have any
evidence to lead you to the conclusion that he committed suicide；
you will come to that conclusion。 If you think it is a case of
accidental death； you will find a Verdict accordingly。
Verdict accordingly。 Accidental death。 No doubt。 Gentlemen；
you are discharged。 Good afternoon。
While the Coroner buttons his great coat； Mr Tulkinghorn and
he give private audience to the rejected witness in a corner。
That graceless creature only knows that the dead man （whom
he recognised just now by his yellow face and black hair） was
sometimes hooted and pursued about the streets。 That one cold
winter night； when he； the boy； was shivering in a doorway near
his crossing； the man turned to look at him； and came back； and；
having questioned him and found that he had not a friend in the
world； said； “Neither have I。 Not one！” and gave him the price of a
supper and a night’s lodging。 That the man had often spoken to
him since； and asked him whether he slept sound at night； and
how he bore cold and hunger； and whether he ever wished to die；
and similar strange questions。 That when the man had no money；
he would say in passing； “I am as poor as you today； Jo；” but that
when he had any； he had always （as the boy most heartily believes）
been glad to give him some。
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“He wos wery good to me；” says the boy； wiping his eyes with
his wretched sleeve。 “Wen I see him a…layin’ so stritched out just
now； I wished he could have heerd me tell him so。 He wos wery
good to me； he wos！”
As he shuffles downstairs； Mr Snagsby； lying in wait for him；
puts a half…crown in his hand。 “If ever you see me coming past
your crossing with my little woman—I mean a lady—” says Mr
Snagsby； with his finger on his nose； “don’t allude to it！”
For some little time the Jurymen hang about the Sol’s Arms
colloquially。 In the sequel； half…a…dozen are caught up in a cloud of
pipe smoke that pervades the parlour of the Sol’s Arms； two stroll
to Hampstead； and four engage to go half…price to the play at
night； and top up with oysters。 Little Swills is treated on several
hands。 Being asked what he thinks of the proceedings；
characterises them （his strength lying in a slangular direction） as
“a rummy start。” The landlord of the Sol’s Arms； finding Little
Swills so popular； commends him highly to the Jurymen and
public； observing that； for a song in character； he don’t know his
equal； and that that man’s character…wardrobe would fill a cart。
Thus； gradually the Sol’s Arms melts into the shadowy night；
and then flares out of it strong in gas。 The Harmonic Meeting hour
arriving； the gentleman of professional celebrity takes the chair； is
faced （red…faced） by Little Swills； their friends rally round them；
and support first…rate talent。 In the zenith of the evening； Little
Swills says； Gentlemen； if you’ll permit me； I’ll attempt a short
description of a scene of real life that came off here today。 Is much
applauded and encouraged； goes out of the room as Swills； comes
in as the Coroner （not the least in the world like him）； describes
the Inquest； with recreative intervals of piano…forte
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accompaniment to the refrain—With his （the Coroner’s） tippy tol li
doll； tippy tol lo doll； tippy tol li doll； Dee！
The jingling piano at last is silent； and the Harmonic friends
rally round their pillows。 Then there is rest around the lonely
figure； now laid in its last earthly habitation； and it is watched by
the gaunt eyes in the shutters through some quiet hours of night。
If this forlorn man could have been prophetically seen lying here；
by the mother at whose breast he nestled； a little child； with eyes
upraised to her loving face； and soft hand scarcely knowing how to
close upon the neck to which it crept； what an impossibility the
vision would have seemed！ O； if； in brighter days； the now…
extinguished fire within him ever burned for one woman who held
him in her heart； where is she； while these ashes are above the
ground！
It is anything but a night of rest at Mr Snagsby’s in Cook’s
Court； where Guster murders sleeps by going； as Mr Snagsby
himself allows—not to put too fine a point upon it—out of one fit
into twenty。 The occasion of this seizure is； that Guster has a
tender heart； and a susceptible something that possibly might
have been imagination； but for Tooting and her patron saint。 Be it
what it may； now； it was so direfully impressed at tea…time by Mr
Snagsby’s account of the inquiry at which he had assisted； that at
supper…time she projected herself into the kitchen； preceded by a
flying Dutch…cheese； and fell into a fit of unusual duration： which
she only came out of to go into another； and another； and so on
through a chain of fits； with short intervals between； of which she
has p