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ruffian； who told us to take the turning to the right instead of to
the left。 He is the most intolerable scoundrel on the face of the
earth。 His father must have been a most consummate villain； ever
to have had such a son。 I would have that fellow shot without the
least remorse！”
“Did he do it on purpose？” Mr Jarndyce inquired。
“I have not the slightest doubt that the scoundrel has passed his
whole existence in misdirecting travellers！” returned the other。
“By my soul； I thought him the worst…looking dog I had ever
beheld； when he was telling me to take the turning to the right。
And yet I stood before that fellow face to face； and didn’t knock his
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brains out！”
“Teeth you mean？” said Mr Jarndyce。
“Ha； ha； ha！” laughed Mr Lawrence Boythorn； really making
the whole house vibrate。 “What； you have not forgotten it yet！ Ha；
ha； ha！—And that was another most consummate vagabond！ By
my soul； the countenance of that fellow； when he was a boy； was
the blackest image of perfidy； cowardice； and cruelty ever set up
as a scarecrow in a field of scoundrels。 If I were to meet that most
unparalleled despot in the streets tomorrow； I would fell him like a
rotten tree！”
“I have no doubt of it；” said Mr Jarndyce。 “Now； will you come
upstairs？”
“By my soul； Jarndyce；” returned his guest； who seemed to
refer to his watch； “if you had been married； I would have turned
back at the garden gate； and gone away to the remotest summits of
the Himalaya Mountains； sooner than I would have presented
myself at this unseasonable hour。”
“Not quite so far； I hope？” said Mr Jarndyce。
“By my life and honour； yes！” cried the visitor。 “I wouldn’t be
guilty of the audacious insolence of keeping a lady of the house
waiting all this time； for any earthly consideration。 I would
infinitely rather destroy myself—infinitely rather！”
Talking thus； they went upstairs； and presently we heard him in
his bedroom thundering “Ha； ha； ha！” and again； “Ha； ha； ha！”
until the flattest echo in the neighbourhood seemed to catch the
contagion； and to laugh as enjoyingly as he did； or as we did when
we heard him laugh。
We all conceived a prepossession in his favour； for there was a
sterling quality in his laugh； and in his vigorous healthy voice； and
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in the roundness and fulness with which he uttered every word he
spoke； and in the very fury of his superlatives； which seemed to go
off like blank cannons and hurt nothing。 But we were hardly
prepared to have it so confirmed by his appearance； when Mr
Jarndyce presented him。 He was not only a very handsome old
gentleman—upright and stalwart as he had been described to us—
with a massive grey head； a fine composure of face when silent； a
figure that might have become corpulent but for his being so
continually in earnest that he gave it no rest； and a chin that might
have subsided into a double chin but for the vehement emphasis
in which it was constantly required to assist； but he was such a
true gentleman in his manner； so chivalrously polite； his face was
lighted by a smile of so much sweetness and tenderness； and it
seemed so plain that he had nothing to hide； but showed himself
exactly as he was—incapable （as Richard said） of anything on a
limited scale； and firing away with those blank great guns； because
he carried no small arms whatever—that really I could not help
looking at him with equal pleasure as he sat at dinner； whether he
smilingly conversed with Ada and me； or was led by Mr Jarndyce
into some great volley of superlatives； or threw up his head like a
bloodhound； and gave out that tremendous Ha； ha； ha！
“You have brought your bird with you； I suppose？” said Mr
Jarndyce。
“By Heaven； he is the most astonishing bird in Europe！” replied
the other。 “He is the most wonderful creature！ I wouldn’t take ten
thousand guineas for that bird。 I have left an annuity for his sole
support； in case he should outlive me。 He is； in sense and
attachment； a phenomenon。 And his father before him was one of
the most astonishing birds that ever lived！”
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The subject of this laudation was a very little canary； who was
so tame that he was brought down by Mr Boythorn’s man； on his
forefinger； and； after taking a gentle flight round the room；
alighted on his master’s head。 To hear Mr Boythorn presently
expressing the most implacable and passionate sentiments with
this fragile mite of a creature quietly perched on his forehead； was
to have a good illustration of his character； I thought。
“By my soul； Jarndyce；” he said； very gently holding up a bit of
bread to the canary to peck at； “if I were in your place； I would
seize every Master in Chancery by the throat tomorrow morning；
and shake him until his money rolled out of his pockets； and his
bones rattled in his skin。 I would have a settlement out of
somebody； by fair means or by foul。 If you would empower me to
do it； I would do it for you with the greatest satisfaction！” （All this
time the very small canary was eating out of his hand。） “I thank
you； Lawrence； but the suit is hardly at such a point at present；”
returned Mr Jarndyce； laughing； “that it would be greatly
advanced； even by the legal process of shaking the Bench and the
whole Bar。”
“There never was such an infernal cauldron as that Chancery；
on the face of the earth！” said Mr Boythorn。 “Nothing but a mine
below it on a busy day in term time； with all its records； rules； and
precedents collected in it； and every functionary belonging to it
also； high and low； upward and downward； from its son the
Accountant…General to its father the Devil； and the whole blown to
atoms with ten thousand hundred…weight of gunpowder； would
reform it in the least！”
It was impossible not to laugh at the energetic gravity with
which he recommended this strong measure of reform。 When we
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laughed； he threw up his head； and shook his broad chest； and
again the whole country seemed to echo to his ha； ha； ha！ It had
not the least effect in disturbing the bird； whose sense of security
was complete； and who hopped about the table with its quick head
now on this side and now on that； turning its bright sudden eye on
its master； as if he were no more than another bird。
“But ho