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from JARNDYCE AND JARNDYCE （the cause in hand） which
was squeezed dry years upon years ago。 The short…hand writers；
the reporters of the court； and the reporters of the newspapers；
invariably decamp with the rest of the regulars when Jarndyce
and Jarndyce comes on。 Their places are a blank。 Standing on a
seat at the side of the hall； the better to peer into the curtained
sanctuary； is a little mad old woman in a squeezed bonnet； who is
always in court； from its sitting to its rising； and always expecting
some incomprehensible judgement to be given in her favour。
Some say she really is； or was； a party to a suit； but no one knows
for certain； because no one cares。 She carries some small litter in
her reticule which she calls her documents principally consisting
of paper matches and dry lavender。 A sallow prisoner has come
up； in custody； for the half…dozenth time； to make a personal
application “to purge himself of his contempt；” which； being a
solitary surviving executor who has fallen into a state of
conglomeration about accounts of which it is not pretended that
he had ever any knowledge； he is not at all likely ever to do。 In the
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meantime his prospects in life are ended。 Another ruined suitor；
who periodically appears from Shropshire； and breaks out into
efforts to address the Chancellor at the close of the day’s business；
and who can by no means be made to understand that the
Chancellor is legally ignorant of his existence after making it
desolate for a quarter of a century； plants himself in a good place
and keeps an eye on the Judge； ready to call out “My Lord！” in a
voice of sonorous complaint； on the instant of his rising。 A few
lawyers’ clerks and others who know this suitor by sight； linger； on
the chance of his furnishing some fun； and enlivening the dismal
weather a little。
Jarndyce and Jarndyce drones on。 This scarecrow of a suit has；
in course of time； become so complicated； that no man alive knows
what it means。 The parties to it understand it least； but it has been
observed that no two Chancery lawyers can talk about it for five
minutes； without coming to a total disagreement as to all the
premises。 Innumerable children have been born into the cause；
innumerable young people have married into it； innumerable old
people have died out of it。 Scores of persons have deliriously found
themselves made parties in Jarndyce and Jarndyce； without
knowing how or why； whole families have inherited legendary
hatreds with the suit。 The little plaintiff or defendant； who was
promised a new rocking…horse when Jarndyce and Jarndyce
should be settled； has grown up； possessed himself of a real horse；
and trotted away into the other world。 Fair wards of court have
faded into mothers and grandmothers； a long procession of
Chancellors has come in and gone out； the legion of bills in the suit
have been transformed into mere bills of mortality； there are not
three Jarndyces left upon the earth perhaps； since old Tom
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Bleak House 13
Jarndyce in despair blew his brains out at a coffee…house in
Chancery Lane； but Jarndyce and Jarndyce still drags its weary
length before the Court； perennially hopeless。
Jarndyce and Jarndyce has passed into a joke。 That is the only
good that has ever come of it。 It has been death to many； but it is a
joke in the profession。 Every master in Chancery has had a
reference out of it。 Every master in Chancery has had a reference
out of it。 Every Chancellor was “in it；” for somebody or other；
when he was counsel at the bar。 Good things have been said about
it by blue…nosed； bulbous…shoed old benchers； in select port…wine
committee after dinner in hall。 Articled clerks have been in the
habit of fleshing their legal wit upon it。 The last Lord Chancellor
handled it neatly when； correcting Mr Blowers the eminent silk
gown who said that such a thing might happen when the sky
rained potatoes； he observed “or when we get through Jarndyce
and Jarndyce； Mr Blowers；”—a pleasantry that particularly tickled
the maces； bags； and purses。
How many people out of the suit； Jarndyce and Jarndyce has
stretched forth its unwholesome hand to spoil and corrupt； would
be a very wide question。 From the master； upon whose impaling
files reams of dusty warrants in Jarndyce and Jarndyce have
grimly writhed into many shapes； down to the copying clerk in the
Six Clerks’ Office； who has copied his tens of thousands of
Chancery…folio…pages under that eternal heading； no man’s nature
has been made better by it。 In trickery； evasion； procrastination；
spoliation； botheration； under false pretences of all sorts； there are
influences that can never come to good。 The very solicitors’ boys
who have kept the wretched suitors at bay； by protesting time out
of mind that Mr Chizzle； Mizzle； or otherwise； was particularly
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engaged and had appointments until dinner； may have got an
extra moral twist and shuffle into themselves out of Jarndyce and
Jarndyce。 The receiver in the cause has acquired a goodly sum of
money by it； but has acquired too a distrust of his own mother；
and a contempt for his own kind。 Chizzle； Mizzle； and otherwise；
have lapsed into a habit of vaguely promising themselves that they
will look into that outstanding little matter； and see what can be
done for Drizzle—who was not well used—when Jarndyce and
Jarndyce shall be got out of the office。 Shirking and sharking； in
all their many varieties； have been sown broadcast by the ill…fated
cause； and even those who have contemplated its history from the
outermost circle of such evil； have been insensibly tempted into a
loose way of letting bad things alone to take their own bad course；
and a loose belief that if the world go wrong； it was； in some
offhand manner； never meant to go right。
Thus； in the midst of the mud and at the heart of the fog； sits
the Lord High Chancellor in his High Court of Chancery。
“Mr Tangle；” says the Lord High Chancellor； latterly something
restless under the eloquence of that learned gentleman。
“Mlud；” says Mr Tangle。 Mr Tangle knows more of Jarndyce
and Jarndyce than anybody。 He is famous for it—supposed never
to have read anything else since he left school。
“Have you nearly concluded your argument？”
“Mlud； no—variet