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“My love； permit me！ Pray have a moment’s patience； my dear。 I
do know something of this lad； and in what I know of him； I can’t
say that there’s any harm； perhaps on the contrary； constable。” To
whom the law…stationer relates his Joful and woful experience；
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suppressing the half…crown fact。
“Well！” says the constable； “so far； it seems； he had grounds for
what he said。 When I took him into custody up in Holborn； he said
you knew him。 Upon that； a young man who was in the crowd said
he was acquainted with you； and you were a respectable
housekeeper； and if I’d call and make the inquiry he’d appear。 The
young man don’t seem inclined to keep his word； but—oh！ Here is
the young man！”
Enter Mr Guppy； who nods to Mr Snagsby； and touches his hat
with the chivalry of clerkship to the ladies on the stairs。
“I was strolling away from the office just now； when I found this
row going on；” says Mr Guppy to the law…stationer； “and as your
name was mentioned； I thought it was right the thing should be
looked into。”
“It was very good…natured of you； sir；” says Mr Snagsby； “and I
am obliged to you。” And Mr Snagsby again relates his experience；
again suppressing the half…crown fact。
“Now； I know where you live；” says the constable； then； to Jo。
“You live down in Tom…all…Alone’s。 That’s a nice innocent place to
live in； ain’t it？”
“I can’t go and live in no nicer place； sir；” replies Jo。 “They
wouldn’t have nothink to say to me if I was to go to a nice innocent
place fur to live。 Who ud go and let a nice innocent lodging to such
a reg’lar one as me！”
“You are very poor； ain’t you？” says the constable。
“Yes； I am indeed； sir； wery poor in gin’ral；” replies Jo。
“I leave you to judge now！ I shook these two half…crowns out of
him；” says the constable； producing them to the company； “in only
putting my hand upon him！”
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“They’re wot’s left； Mr Snagsby；” said Jo； “out of a sov’ring as
wos give me by a lady in a wale as said she wos a servant and as
come to my crossin one night and asked to be showd this ’ere ouse
and the ouse wot him as you giv the writin to died at； and the
berrin ground wot he’s berrid in。 She ses to me she ses ‘are you
the boy at the Inkwhich？’ she ses。 I ses ‘yes’ I ses。 She ses to me
she ses ‘can you show me all them places？’ I ses ‘yes I can’ I ses。
And she ses to me ‘do it’ and I dun it and she giv me a sov’ring and
hooked it。 And I an’t had much of the sov’ring neither；” says Jo；
with dirty tears； “fur I had to pay five bob； down in Tom…all…
Alone’s； afore they’d square it fur to give me change； and then a
young man he thieved another five while I was asleep and another
boy he thieved ninepence and the landlord he stood drains round
with a lot more on it。”
“You don’t expect anybody to believe this； about the lady and
the sovereign； do you？” says the constable； eyeing him aside with
ineffable disdain。
“I don’t know as I do； sir；” replies Jo。 “I don’t expect nothink at
all； sir； much； but that’s the true hist’ry on it。”
“You see what he is！” the constable observes to the audience。
“Well； Mr Snagsby； if I don’t lock him up this time； will you engage
for his moving on？”
“No！” cries Mrs Snagsby from the stairs。
“My little woman！” pleads her husband。 “Constable； I have no
doubt he’ll move on。 You know you really must do it；” says Mr
Snagsby。
“I’m everyways agreeable； sir；” says the hapless Jo。
“Do it； then；” observes the constable。 “You know what you have
got to do。 Do it！ And recollect you won’t get off so easy next time。
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Catch hold of your money。 Now； the sooner you’re five miles off；
the better for all parties。”
With this farewell hint； and pointing generally to the setting
sun； as a likely place to move on to； the constable bids his auditors
good afternoon； and makes the echoes of Cook’s Court perform
slow music for him as he walks away on the shady side； carrying
his iron…bound hat in his hand for a little ventilation。
Now； Jo’s improbable story concerning the lady and the
sovereign has awakened more or less the curiosity of all the
company。 Mr Guppy； who has an inquiring mind in matters of
evidence； and who has been suffering severely from the lassitude
of the long vacation； takes that interest in the case； that he enters
on a regular cross…examination of the witness； which is found so
interesting by the ladies that Mrs Snagsby politely invites him to
step upstairs； and drink a cup of tea； if he will excuse the
disarranged state of the tea…table； consequent on their previous
exertions。 Mr Guppy yielding his assent to this proposal； Jo is
requested to follow into the drawing…room doorway； where Mr
Guppy takes him in hand as a witness； patting him into this shape；
that shape； and the other shape； like a butterman dealing with so
much butter； and worrying him according to the best models。 Nor
is the examination unlike many such model displays； both in
respect of its eliciting nothing； and of its being lengthy； for； Mr
Guppy is sensible of his talent； and Mrs Snagsby feels； not only
that it gratifies her inquisitive disposition； but that it lifts her
husband’s establishment higher up in the law。 During the progress
of this keen encounter； the vessel Chadband； being merely
engaged in the oil trade； gets aground； and waits to be floated off。
“Well！” says Mr Guppy； “either this boy sticks to it like
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cobbler’s wax； or there is something out of the common here that
beats anything that ever came into my way at Kenge and
Carboy’s。”
Mrs Chadband whispers Mrs Snagsby； who exclaims； “You
don’t say so！”
“For years！” replies Mrs Chadband。
“Has known Kenge and Carboy’s office for years；” Mrs Snagsby
triumphantly explains to Mr Guppy。 “Mrs Chadband—this
gentleman’s wife—Reverend Mr Chadband。”
“Oh； indeed！” said Mr Guppy。
“Before I married my present husband；” says Mrs Chadband。
“Was you a party in anything； ma’am？” says Mr Guppy
transferring his cross…examination。
“No。”
“Not a party in anything； ma’am？” says Mr Guppy。
Mrs Chadband shakes her head。
“Perhaps you were acquainted with somebody who was a party
in something； ma’am？” says Mr Guppy； who likes nothing better
than to m