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five o'clock； and then I dine： at a cost； on the average； of one and
threepence。 Having still a little money to spend on my evening's
entertainment； I look into the old…established coffee…shop as I go home；
and take my cup of tea； and perhaps my bit of toast。 So； as the large hand
of the clock makes its way round to the morning hour again； I make my
way round to the Clapham Road again； and go to bed when I get to my
lodgingfire being expensive； and being objected to by the family on
account of its giving trouble and making a dirt。
Sometimes； one of my relations or acquaintances is so obliging as to
ask me to dinner。 Those are holiday occasions； and then I generally walk
in the Park。 I am a solitary man； and seldom walk with anybody。 Not
that I am avoided because I am shabby； for I am not at all shabby； having
always a very good suit of black on （or rather Oxford mixture； which has
the appearance of black and wears much better）； but I have got into a habit
of speaking low； and being rather silent； and my spirits are not high； and I
am sensible that I am not an attractive companion。
The only exception to this general rule is the child of my first cousin；
Little Frank。 I have a particular affection for that child； and he takes very
kindly to me。 He is a diffident boy by nature； and in a crowd he is soon
run over； as I may say； and forgotten。 He and I； however； get on
exceedingly well。 I have a fancy that the poor child will in time succeed
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to my peculiar position in the family。 We talk but little； still； we
understand each other。 We walk about； hand in hand； and without much
speaking he knows what I mean； and I know what he means。 When he
was very little indeed； I used to take him to the windows of the toy…shops；
and show him the toys inside。 It is surprising how soon he found out that
I would have made him a great many presents if I had been in
circumstances to do it。
Little Frank and I go and look at the outside of the Monumenthe is
very fond of the Monumentand at the Bridges； and at all the sights that
are free。 On two of my birthdays； we have dined on e…la…mode beef； and
gone at half…price to the play； and been deeply interested。 I was once
walking with him in Lombard Street； which we often visit on account of
my having mentioned to him that there are great riches therehe is very
fond of Lombard Streetwhen a gentleman said to me as he passed by；
〃Sir； your little son has dropped his glove。〃 I assure you； if you will
excuse my remarking on so trivial a circumstance； this accidental mention
of the child as mine； quite touched my heart and brought the foolish tears
into my eyes。
When Little Frank is sent to school in the country； I shall be very much
at a loss what to do with myself； but I have the intention of walking down
there once a month and seeing him on a half holiday。 I am told he will
then be at play upon the Heath； and if my visits should be objected to； as
unsettling the child； I can see him from a distance without his seeing me；
and walk back again。 His mother comes of a highly genteel family； and
rather disapproves； I am aware； of our being too much together。 I know
that I am not calculated to improve his retiring disposition； but I think he
would miss me beyond the feeling of the moment if we were wholly
separated。
When I die in the Clapham Road； I shall not leave much more in this
world than I shall take out of it； but； I happen to have a miniature of a
bright…faced boy； with a curling head； and an open shirt…frill waving down
his bosom （my mother had it taken for me； but I can't believe that it was
ever like）； which will be worth nothing to sell； and which I shall beg may
he given to Frank。 I have written my dear boy a little letter with it； in
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which I have told him that I felt very sorry to part from him； though bound
to confess that I knew no reason why I should remain here。 I have given
him some short advice； the best in my power； to take warning of the
consequences of being nobody's enemy but his own； and I have
endeavoured to comfort him for what I fear he will consider a
bereavement； by pointing out to him； that I was only a superfluous
something to every one but him； and that having by some means failed to
find a place in this great assembly； I am better out of it。
Such （said the poor relation； clearing his throat and beginning to speak
a little louder） is the general impression about me。 Now； it is a
remarkable circumstance which forms the aim and purpose of my story；
that this is all wrong。 This is not my life； and these are not my habits。 I
do not even live in the Clapham Road。 Comparatively speaking； I am very
seldom there。 I reside； mostly； in aI am almost ashamed to say the
word； it sounds so full of pretensionin a Castle。 I do not mean that it is
an old baronial habitation； but still it is a building always known to every
one by the name of a Castle。 In it； I preserve the particulars of my
history； they run thus：
It was when I first took John Spatter （who had been my clerk） into
partnership； and when I was still a young man of not more than five… and…
twenty； residing in the house of my uncle Chill； from whom I had
considerable expectations； that I ventured to propose to Christiana。 I had
loved Christiana a long time。 She was very beautiful； and very winning
in all respects。 I rather mistrusted her widowed mother； who I feared was
of a plotting and mercenary turn of mind； but； I thought as well of her as I
could； for Christiana's sake。 I never had loved any one but Christiana；
and she had been all the world； and O far more than all the world； to me；
from our childhood！
Christiana accepted me with her mother's consent； and I was rendered
very happy indeed。 My life at my uncle Chill's was of a spare dull kind；
and my garret chamber was as dull； and bare； and cold； as an upper prison
room in some stern northern fortress。 But； having Christiana's love； I
wanted nothing upon earth。 I would not have changed my lot with any
human being。
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Avarice was； unhappily； my uncle Chill's master…vice。 Though he
was rich； he pinched； and scraped； and clutched； and lived miserably。 As
Christiana had no fortune； I was for some time a little fearful of confessing
our engagement to him； but； at length I wrote him a letter； saying how it
all truly was。 I put it into his hand one night； on going to bed。
As I came down…stairs next morning； shivering in the cold December
air； colder in my uncle's unwarmed house than in the street； where the
winter sun did sometimes shine； and whic