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am very sure of one thing； that you are a very kind woman。 I envy
you … my amanuensis being called away； I continue in my own hand；
or what is left of it … unusually legible； I am thankful to see … I
envy you your beautiful choice of an employment。 There must be no
regrets at least for a day so spent； and when the night falls you
need ask no blessing on your work。
'Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of these。' … Yours truly；
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON。
Letter： TO J。 M。 BARRIE
VAILIMA； JULY 13； 1894。
MY DEAR BARRIE； … This is the last effort of an ulcerated
conscience。 I have been so long owing you a letter； I have heard
so much of you； fresh from the press； from my mother and Graham
Balfour； that I have to write a letter no later than to…day； or
perish in my shame。 But the deuce of it is； my dear fellow； that
you write such a very good letter that I am ashamed to exhibit
myself before my junior （which you are； after all） in the light of
the dreary idiot I feel。 Understand that there will be nothing
funny in the following pages。 If I can manage to be rationally
coherent； I shall be more than satisfied。
In the first place； I have had the extreme satisfaction to be shown
that photograph of your mother。 It bears evident traces of the
hand of an amateur。 How is it that amateurs invariably take better
photographs than professionals？ I must qualify invariably。 My own
negatives have always represented a province of chaos and old night
in which you might dimly perceive fleecy spots of twilight；
representing nothing； so that； if I am right in supposing the
portrait of your mother to be yours； I must salute you as my
superior。 Is that your mother's breakfast？ Or is it only
afternoon tea？ If the first； do let me recommend to Mrs。 Barrie to
add an egg to her ordinary。 Which； if you please； I will ask her
to eat to the honour of her son； and I am sure she will live much
longer for it； to enjoy his fresh successes。 I never in my life
saw anything more deliciously characteristic。 I declare I can hear
her speak。 I wonder my mother could resist the temptation of your
proposed visit to Kirriemuir； which it was like your kindness to
propose。 By the way； I was twice in Kirriemuir； I believe in the
year '71； when I was going on a visit to Glenogil。 It was
Kirriemuir； was it not？ I have a distinct recollection of an inn
at the end … I think the upper end … of an irregular open place or
square； in which I always see your characters evolve。 But； indeed；
I did not pay much attention； being all bent upon my visit to a
shooting…box； where I should fish a real trout…stream； and I
believe preserved。 I did； too； and it was a charming stream； clear
as crystal； without a trace of peat … a strange thing in Scotland …
and alive with trout； the name of it I cannot remember； it was
something like the Queen's River； and in some hazy way connected
with memories of Mary Queen of Scots。 It formed an epoch in my
life； being the end of all my trout…fishing。 I had always been
accustomed to pause and very laboriously to kill every fish as I
took it。 But in the Queen's River I took so good a basket that I
forgot these niceties； and when I sat down； in a hard rain shower；
under a bank； to take my sandwiches and sherry； lo！ and behold；
there was the basketful of trouts still kicking in their agony。 I
had a very unpleasant conversation with my conscience。 All that
afternoon I persevered in fishing； brought home my basket in
triumph； and sometime that night； 'in the wee sma' hours ayont the
twal；' I finally forswore the gentle craft of fishing。 I dare say
your local knowledge may identify this historic river； I wish it
could go farther and identify also that particular Free kirk in
which I sat and groaned on Sunday。 While my hand is in I must tell
you a story。 At that antique epoch you must not fall into the
vulgar error that I was myself ancient。 I was； on the contrary；
very young； very green； and （what you will appreciate； Mr。 Barrie）
very shy。 There came one day to lunch at the house two very
formidable old ladies … or one very formidable； and the other what
you please … answering to the honoured and historic name of the
Miss C… A…'s of Balnamoon。 At table I was exceedingly funny； and
entertained the company with tales of geese and bubbly…jocks。 I
was great in the expression of my terror for these bipeds； and
suddenly this horrid； severe； and eminently matronly old lady put
up a pair of gold eye…glasses； looked at me awhile in silence； and
pronounced in a clangorous voice her verdict。 'You give me very
much the effect of a coward； Mr。 Stevenson！' I had very nearly
left two vices behind me at Glenogil … fishing and jesting at
table。 And of one thing you may be very sure； my lips were no more
opened at that meal。
JULY 29TH
No； Barrie； 'tis in vain they try to alarm me with their bulletins。
No doubt； you're ill； and unco ill； I believe； but I have been so
often in the same case that I know pleurisy and pneumonia are in
vain against Scotsmen who can write； （I once could。） You cannot
imagine probably how near me this common calamity brings you。 CE
QUE J'AI TOUSSE DANS MA VIE！ How often and how long have I been on
the rack at night and learned to appreciate that noble passage in
the Psalms when somebody or other is said to be more set on
something than they 'who dig for hid treasures … yea； than those
who long for the morning' … for all the world； as you have been
racked and you have longed。 Keep your heart up； and you'll do。
Tell that to your mother； if you are still in any danger or
suffering。 And by the way； if you are at all like me … and I tell
myself you are very like me … be sure there is only one thing good
for you； and that is the sea in hot climates。 Mount； sir； into 'a
little frigot' of 5000 tons or so； and steer peremptorily for the
tropics； and what if the ancient mariner； who guides your frigot；
should startle the silence of the ocean with the cry of land ho！ …
say； when the day is dawning … and you should see the turquoise
mountain tops of Upolu coming hand over fist above the horizon？
Mr。 Barrie； sir； 'tis then there would be larks！ And though I
cannot be certain that our climate would suit you （for it does not
suit some）； I am sure as death the voyage would do you good … would
do you BEST … and if Samoa didn't do； you needn't stay beyond the
month； and I should have had another pleasure in my life； which is
a serious consideration for me。 I take this as the hand of the
Lord preparing your way to Vailima … in the desert； certainly … in
the desert of Cough and by the ghoul…haunted woodland of Fever …
but whither that way points there can be no question … and there
will be a meeting of the twa Hoasting Scots Makers in spite of
fate； fortune； and the Devil。 ABSIT OMEN！
My dear Barrie； I am a little in the dark about this new work of
yours： what is to become of me afterwards？ You say carefully …
methought anxiously … that I was no longer me when I grew up？ I
cannot bear this suspense： what is it？ It's no forgery？ And AM I
HANGIT？ These are the elements of a very pretty lawsuit which you
had better come to Samoa to compromise。 I am enjoying a great
pleasure that I had long looked forward to； reading Orme's HISTORY
OF INDOSTAN； I had been looking out for it everywhere； but at last；
in four volumes； large quarto； beautiful type and page； and with a
delectable set of maps and plans； and all the names of the places
wrongly spelled … it came to Samoa； little Barrie。 I tell you
frankly； you had better come soon。 I am sair failed a'ready； and
what I may be if you continue to dally； I dread to conceive。 I may
be speechless； already； or at least for a month or so； I'm little
better than a teetoller …