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‘‘That's not my fault； Jack；'' replied the other； whose name I discovered
was Hardie。 ‘‘You are to give me all your business； you
know； and if you have none； the learned gentleman here knows
nothing can come of nothing。''
‘‘You seem to have brought something to nothing though； in the
case of that honest man。 He looks as if he were just about to honour
with his residence the =Heart of Mid…Lothian。=''
‘‘You are mistaken…he is just delivered from it。…Our friend
here looks for an explanation。 Pray； Mr。 Pattieson； have you been
in Edinburgh？''
I answered in the affirmative。
‘‘Then you must have passed； occasionally at least； though probably
not so faithfully as I am doomed to do； through a narrow intricate
passage； leading out of the north…west corner of the Parliament Square；
and passing by a high and antique building with turrets and iron
grates；
Making good the saying odd；
‘‘Near the church and far from God''…
Mr。 Halkit broke in upon his learned counsel； to contribute his
moiety to the riddle…‘‘Having at the door the sign of the Red
man''
‘‘And being on the whole；'' resumed the counsellor interrupting
his friend in his turn； ‘‘a sort of place where misfortune is happily
confounded with guilt； where all who are in wish to get out''
‘‘And where none who have the good luck to be out； wish to get in；''
added his companion。
‘‘I conceive you； gentlemen；'' replied I； ‘‘you mean the prison。''
‘‘The prison；'' added the young lawyer…‘‘You have hit it…the
very reverend Tolbooth itself； and let me tell you； you are obliged to
us for describing it with so much modesty and brevity； for with
whatever amplifications we might have chosen to decorate the subject；
you lay entirely at our mercy； since the Fathers Conscript of our city
have decreed that the venerable edifice itself shall not remain in
existence to confirm or to confute its。''
‘‘Then the Tolbooth of Edinburgh is called the Heart of Mid…Lothian？''
said I。
‘‘So termed and reputed； I assure you。''
‘‘I think；'' said I； with the bashful diffidence with which a man
lets slip a pun in presence of his superiors； ‘‘the metropolitan county
may； in that case； be said to have a sad heart。''
‘‘Right as my glove； Mr。 Pattieson；'' added Mr。 Hardie； ‘‘and
a close heart； and a hard heart…Keep it up； Jack。''
‘‘And a wicked heart； and a poor heart；'' answered Halkit； doing
his best。
‘‘And yet it may be called in some sort a strong heart； and a high
heart；'' rejoined the advocate。 ‘‘You see I can put you both out of
heart。''
‘‘I have played all my hearts；'' said the younger gentleman。
‘‘Then we'll have another lead；'' answered his companion。…‘‘And
as to the old and condemned Tolbooth； what pity the same honour
cannot be done to it as has been done to many of its inmates。 Why
should not the Tolbooth have its ‘Last Speech； Confession； and Dying
Words？' The old stones would be just as conscious of the honour as
many a poor devil who has dangled like a tassel at the west end of it；
while the hawkers were shouting a confession the culprit had never
heard of。''
‘‘I am afraid；'' said I； ‘‘if I might presume to give my opinion；
it would be a tale of unvaried sorrow and guilt。''
‘‘Not entirely； my friend；'' said Hardie； ‘‘a prison is a world
within itself； and has its own business； griefs； and joys； peculiar to
its circle。 Its inmates are sometimes short…lived； but so are soldiers
on service； they are poor relatively to the world without； but there are
degrees of wealth and poverty among them； and so some are relatively
rich also。 They cannot stir abroad； but neither can the garrison of
a besieged fort； or the crew of a ship at sea； and they are not under
a dispensation quite so desperate as either； for they may have as much
food as they have money to buy； and are not obliged to work； whether
they have food or not。''
‘‘But what variety of incident；'' said I （not without a secret view
to my present task）； ‘‘could possibly be derived from such a work as
you are pleased to talk of？''
‘‘Infinite；'' replied the young advocate。 ‘‘Whatever of guilt；
crime； imposture； folly； unheard…of misfortunes； and unlooked…for
change of fortune； can be found to chequer life； my Last Speech of
the Tolbooth should illustrate with examples sufficient to gorge even
the public's all…devouring appetite for the wonderful and horrible。
The inventor of fictitious narratives has to rack his brains for means
to diversify his tale； and after all can hardly hit upon characters or
incidents which have not been used again and again； until they are
familiar to the eye of the reader； so that the development； _enlvement；_
the desperate wound of which the hero never dies； the burning fever
from which the heroine is sure to recover； become a mere matter of
course。 I join with my honest friend Crabbe； and have an unlucky
propensity to hope； when hope is lost； and to rely upon the cork…jacket；
which carries the heroes of romance safe through all the billows of
affliction。'' He then declaimed the following passage； rather with too
much than too little emphasis：…
Much have I feared； but am no more afraid；
When some chaste beauty by some wretch betrayed；
Is drawn away with such distracted speed；
That she anticipates a dreadful deed。
Not so do I…Let solid walls impound
The captive fair； and dig a moat around；
Let there be brazen locks and bars of steel；
And keepers cruel； such as never feel；
With not a single note the purse supply；
And when she begs； let men and maids deny；
Be windows there from which she dare not fall；
And help so distant； 'tis in vain to call；
Still means of freedom will some Power devise；
And from the baffled ruffian snatch his prize。
‘‘The end of uncertainty；'' he concluded； ‘‘is the death of interest；
and hence it happens that no one now reads novels。''
‘‘Hear him； ye gods！'' returned his companion。 ‘‘I assure you；
Mr。 Pattieson； you will hardly visit this learned gentleman； but you
are likely to find the new novel most in repute lying on his table；…
snugly intrenched； however； beneath Stair's Institutes； or an open
volume of Morrison's Decisions。''
‘‘Do I deny it？'' said the hopeful jurisconsult； ‘‘or wherefore
should I； since it is well known these Delilahs seduce my wisers and
my betters？ May they not be found lurking amidst the multiplied
memorials of our most distinguished counsel； and even peeping from
under the cushion of a judge's arm…chair？ Our seniors at the bar；
within the bar； and even on the bench； read novels； and； if not belied；
some of them have written novels into the bargain。 I only say； that
I read from habit and from indolence； not from real interest； that；
like ancient Pistol devouring his leek； I read and swear till I get to
the end of the narrative。 But not so in the real records of human
vagaries…not so in the State Trials； or in the Books of Adjournal；
where every now and then you read new pages of the human heart；
and turns of fortune far beyond what the boldest novelist ever attempted
to produce from the coinage of his brain。''
‘‘And for such narratives；'' I asked； ‘‘you suppose the History of
the Prison of Edinburgh might afford appropriate materials？''
‘‘In a degree unusually ample； my dear sir；'' said Hardie…
‘‘Fill your glass； however； in the meanwhile。 Was it not for many
years the place in which the Scottish parliament met？ Was it not
James's place of refuge； when the mob； inflamed by a seditious
preacher； broke； forth； on him with the cries of ‘The sword of the Lord
and of Gideon…bring forth the wicked Haman？' Since that time
how many hearts have throbbed within these walls； as the tolling of
the neighbouring bell announced to them how fast the sands of their
life were ebbing； how many must have sunk at the sound…how many
were supported by stubborn pride and dogged resolution…how many
by the consolations of religion？ Have there not been some； who；
looking back on the motives of their crimes； were scarce able to understand
how they should have had such temptation as to seduce them
from virtue； and have there not； perhaps； been others； who； sensib